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Since I joined this forum about 2 months ago, a LOT has happened. Briefly, my metaphorical shelf started filling up shortly after my mission. I got married 18 months after I got home from the mish (my wife is a convert of 10 years – I was BIC) and had our first daughter 18 months after that and our second daughter 2 years after the first. They are now aged 3 yrs. and 10 months. About 3 months ago, my shelf collapsed and I started drinking coffee because I was really tired and needed to focus at work. My wife had some issues with the church, but for the most part was a TBM. Shortly after joining this forum, I told her that I was drinking coffee and was sick of the blind obedience expected of me as a member of the church. She was very much taken by surprise, but was very understanding and that was a HUGE relief for me. One of the things that resonated most with her was when I told her that I was just plain sick of people telling me what to do. But I was totally supportive of her views and even after that, I kept quiet and didn’t want to influence her own beliefs in any way. She started listening to MoSto podcasts and researching things on her own and she has found many issues that don’t sit well with her AT ALL. Due to these issues, her faith transition is going MUCH faster than mine. I’m still holding on to the hope that my landing place will by in the church, but it is beginning looking like that is definitely NOT going to be the place for my wife and daughters (my wife for her own reasons and my daughters for reasons that we both agree on). And I’m fine with that. I was just hoping this might go slower. Some complications for me that don’t really exist for her:
I think my mother will be devastated. Although, I could be wrong. I have misjudged her reactions before. I have two siblings, one inactive and the other TBM. I’m her only child with children. My wife has no family members that are members of the church.
Also, she has a calling as a committee member in the RS. I’m a SS teacher to the 14 year-olds. I’m really torn about what to do about my calling. We’re on vacation now, but when I go back in three weeks, teaching will be really tough, especially given my changed views on a lot of topics. I was already finding myself having to skip over material I couldn’t teach with integrity. I really care about the kids, but recognize that I can’t magnify the calling in a way that they may need or is expected of me.
Any advice for Scooty?
Quote:I can’t magnify the calling in a way that they may need or is expected of me
Those are two
VERYdifferent things. Please understand that. I’m not saying you have to keep teaching them, but I am saying that if you do stop teaching them it is likely that the teacher they get might teach what’s expected but not what the kids need.
Quote:Any advice for Scooty?
Take it slow. My overall philosophy throughout my life is, “don’t burn any bridges”.Unless that’s your intentions.
As I’m sure you realize, once they are gone, it’s difficult to rebuilt them again.
Mike from Milton.
You have it — first of all, magnify the parts of the lesson you agree with…attach them to life experiences and principles you have learned from all sources — whether in the Church or not, as long as they are connected. Skip the lessons that have nothing in them you can agree with. There are few of these if you look for that part of the lesson you really like, that one part, and focus the lesson that main idea. If you are teaching 14 year olds, think of your class as an activity period. Not a lesson. Teach something briefly and then turn it into an activity. You can get 45 minutes out of two principles if you can come up with interesting activities — I do it all the time and normally get good reviews on my teaching. Activities take time, and they sell well!!
Check out my post on how I taught HP in jeans and a flowered shirt about how to latch on to you what you really feel and believe to make your lessons fully engaging.
Also, don’t object to mining the words of GA’s that are not mainstream – -no one will criticize you for quoting GA’s and this is safe territory. I think a thread where we post a lot of StayLDS GA talks would be of value to people who are struggling with the teaching aspect of their faith transition. Particularly if their talk lines up with some of the unorthodox ideas you have.
At the top of my head:
Concern for the One (Wirthlin)
Give Mercy so you can receive mercy (paraphrased — Uchtdorf)
Hope that helps….and by the way, don’t tell the leaders you are having a faith crisis and need to be released — that way lies problems.
Guys, I need a break from the church. How do I tell the bish counselor I need to take some time off from my calling? And the EQP/HT companion that I’m not doing HT for a while?
Tell them that you are burned out right now and need to sort things out – by showing them Elder Wirthlin’s excerpt from “Concern for the One” about those who are tired. Tell them that’s you and that they need to let you breathe for a while, so you can recover from your exhaustion. Old-Timer wrote:Tell them that you are burned out right now and need to sort things out –
by showing them Elder Wirthlin’s excerpt from “Concern for the One” about those who are tired. Tell them that’s you and that they need to let you breathe for a while, so you can recover from your exhaustion. And then just let it be at that. No need to go into details. You can always do that later if need be, after you’ve had time to process…
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cwald wrote:And then just let it be at that. No need to go into details.
+1. It will probably be a bit uncomfortable, but just tell them. You are not obligated to share any details of your faith crisis, or even that you have one.
As far as teaching SS goes, it can seem like walking a tightrope, but I think you can find enough keywords in the manual to get you off in the right direction about something you are passionate about.
Consider finding someone to take your place as the teacher for the next three weeks. Different people, indicating you are away for the next there weeks. Pick some people who are obvious stalwarts. Then go to the BP counselor and tell him that you are away for the next three weeks or so, and that you also need a release. Don’t give personal details if they press, just indicate that you have some good reasons and say you’ve given them a buffer to find someone else. Then, walk.
I agree with Silent Dawning about finding substitutes for 3 weeks and stating you will be away. I suggest you do nothing more than that for right now. Give yourself time. Also, tapping into my own experiences with some issues, I did go to the temple with my issues and concerns. I realize not everyone feels comfortable with the temple and some have had negative experiences. I am a person who as a convert started out with a terrible first temple experience. With the help of a good friend, I finally went back after a few years. I’ve been tapping into the insights and feelings I have while in the temple ever since which has made a tremendous difference in handling difficulties of our church membership. This may or may not be an option for you and your wife. I understand that fully, but wanted to share out of my own experience, which is what we all do here. Also, if you say you need to be released, the usual reaction is that you are in some kind of serious sin. Just cautioning you if you weren’t already aware of that. Best wishes for you and your family Scooter! I also teach a youth SS class and have found ways to teach the lessons that I can feel good about. For example, today, the lesson was about the mission of the church and focused heavily on being the only true church on the earth. I asked my students, “What if you don’t believe that?” We had a great discussion about differing gifts of the spirit and how doubting is part of the journey. We then moved to the three missions of the church, but I focused more on Pres. Monson’s recent pleas to care for the poor and the needy. We talked about ways to strengthen our neighborhood, our community, not just support each other as members. We also talked about the good things of being a member. I have found I can find parts of the lesson to get on board with, and I really like my students. I also get a sub when I need a break. I think it’s good for kids in the church to learn with a person like me – they get the standard stuff all the rest of the time, don’t they? DH has been moving along this path for several years, so when I voiced my doubts, he was so relieved. That said, he’s ready to move along quickly down his path and I’m not there yet, or may never be. We’ve agreed that we don’t have to go at the same pace, that he can do things differently than I, but that we put our relationship and our children before anything else. So far, it’s going okay. Best wishes to you.
I agree with SD. Not to be cynical, but the first concern of most ward leaders is keeping the ward running, not your personal issues. If you help the community by covering your calling, you get what you need (time out) and so do they. I would also do what you can to slow down. Hasty departures like your wife’s are often too emotional and based disproportionately on negative information. There are positives, too. People who are in control can take the time needed to assess. It’s similar to the caution my parents got from my grandparents when they joined the church – don’t get so caught up. It’s just religion!
I forgot some tips for teaching materials you are iffy about: – ask the class. I always turn it back to the group, whether it’s something in the lesson or that a class member says that I don’t like.
– break into discussion groups
– add a game or treat to hold interest and take time
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