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I was teaching a class today, and it was about eternal family. I suggested that people try this exercise — ask your kids what they think is taught as IMPORTANT in your family. And just listen. See if their answers describe what is truly important in your family culture. If you don’t have kids, try asking your spouse what appears to be your life’s mission, or your life’s importance. In fact, based on your behavior, see if your spouse can write out your mission statement as its expressed by the actions in your life. I did this with my kids today, and they said the most important things that are taught in our family are pets, music, family, and the Holy Ghost. No mention of anything else.
So, that’s the message I’m teaching my kids..so now I’m asking myself — is that what I hope to be transmitting to the next generation?
I don’t raise this as a way of trying to get everyone to be TBM — you probably have values that go beyond the gospel that you hope to transmit to your children, or that you want you life to be about….and this struck me as a good way to see what impact you’re really having….So, what are your hopes for your family or your relationship anyway? I’d be interested in hearing this, especially from people who are State 4 — where TBM SMA’s are probably not as prevalent, but where there is bound to be a spiritual component to your hopes and desires/values for your family.
I will give it a try. cwald wrote:I will give it a try.
I’m all ears …
I love this question that you posed… ” what are your hopes for your family or your relationship anyway? “
That is something I really want to think about and decide. I like your ideas.
Okay, I did this yesterday with my two children at home, ages 16 and 13. I did not receive very good answers.
🙄 I really had to put some pressure on them to get anything serious. My daughter said things like:” Republicans are stupid. ” (I’ve never said that, ever, she’s inferred that on her own. Ahem.) “Maybe education, mumble, mumble.”My son said, “We need to make more money than you and dad do.” (NOT what we’ve told them, we’ve told them to do better than us not the same as us and that really was more about education and not about making money.)
Finally a couple of hours later I pressed them both and my son came up with this: “Don’t be douche bags.”
Well, there you have it.
I sent a letter asking my missionary son, I wonder what he’ll come up with.
observant wrote:Finally a couple of hours later I pressed them both and my son came up with this: “Don’t be douche bags.”
A little bit crude – but probably good advice nonetheless.
I want to reassure you that douche-bag is not a term my husband and I use in normal conversation. Apparently that is his take on it though. I relayed the story to my husband. He got big round eyes and said, “Hey, pretty good!” So there you go. I’m anticipating our nomination for parent’s of the year in the mail at anytime.
I prefer the immortal words of BIll or Ted (can’t remember which one at the moment): Quote:Be excellent to each other.
I used that quote once in a talk about charity in a YSA ward, and it went over really well.
Old-Timer wrote:I prefer the immortal words of BIll or Ted (can’t remember which one at the moment):
Quote:Be excellent to each other.
I used that quote once in a talk about charity in a YSA ward, and it went over really well.
Your phrase is memorable….in this vein, we have a rap we use that describes the vision we have of our little rag-tag group of family. It is in the same pattern as a limerick (kind of) but is clean. Occasionally the kids remind each other about the values in it. Part of it involves “following through” on promises…the other day my daughter told me something she did wrong and then said “oops, I didn’t follow through”…which I took as a sign that THAT particular value in our litle “chant” had made it into her mind as something important to live one’s life by.
The other thing that I’ve enjoyed doing is taking this little rap we have, and making it the point of a discussion or lesson in the family. At other times, we have done an evaluation about whether we are truly becoming the values in the chant. The other day, my daughter brought a copy of our Family Mission Statement — something my wife and forged before we had our first child (more detailed than the little rap we boiled it down to), and point by point, went through it and told me the extent to which we were living each of the values in it.
I was really happy about this, because it showed my daughter how a group of people can work together to achieve a common vision, as well as SOME kind of philosophy about what is important to guide your behavior and goals in life.
You’ve got me all energized to refocus on it this again next time I get together with the family for a lesson — probably tonight….
Thanks!
Sounds like a great topic for our next FHE. I’d imagine the answers will be something along the lines of “pets, video games, school, friends, and bowling.” Or we may get blank stares. Somehow I don’t think this is something my kids think very deeply about.
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