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Started heading to the ward on my bike, but the headwind was killing my time; I was only about halfway there 3 minutes to start time, so I headed home to grab some caffeine and debate going to a downwind church instead. Plenty of time to fit in some breakfast, change out of the sweaty shirt from fighting the headwind, and still make a nice leisurely ride to the 11AM service at the Methodist church I grew up in. So, I got to the Methodist church a few minutes early, and decided to sit in the section under the balcony, where the acoustics are best when the choir really gets going.
After about 30 seconds, a 7-8 year old girl blindsides me with a fairly enthusiastic hug.
“You’re supposed to hug back.”
“Do I know you?” (She looks about the same age as my oldest, and I haven’t seen some of her friends in a few years, so I figure it might be one of them that I last saw barely out of diapers or something.)
“Doesn’t matter. You need a hug.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Everybody does.” (Can’t argue with that logic.)
“You going to hug everybody?”
“As many as I can.”
From what I could tell, she got to at least 150 people before the service started, then ambushed the choir afterward when they were headed to change. Whoever her parents are, they’re doing something very right. Maybe she should preach the sermon.
Thinking on it afterward, I’m fairly certain I’ve seen her in the youth class at the jiujitsu dojo. Which means that sneaking up on me like that and taking advantage of skinny kid arms, she could’ve just as easily had me in a really effective choke before I figured out what was going on. I’m glad she’s friendly.
The issue is, I don’t recall ever feeling that generally welcome at any LDS service or activity, with the exception of a good friend’s funeral. It’s not just that little girl, by a long shot, but the simple fact that one kid doesn’t care who I am, what I have or haven’t done with my life, or anything other than the simple fact that I showed up to her church that morning really speaks to a Christlike acceptance and welcoming of any who seek Him.
Walking into my ward or any other I’ve been to, I may get the handshake at the door, but as an adult male, alone, no wedding ring, I generally end up checking to make sure I put on deodorant with the way people avoid getting too close. If I’m visiting one where I know a few people, it’s slightly better, but still never to the extent of random strangers’ kids hugging me just for being there.
How Nice. I haven’t seen much like that in any ward I’ve been to… I’d say wards can be pretty good about being “welcoming” to new people but perhaps it’s mostly superficial- something we do to check off the “missionary work” box.
Beefster wrote:I’d say wards can be pretty good about being “welcoming” to new people but perhaps it’s mostly superficial- something we do to check off the “missionary work” box.
Some seem to try, but it’s so blatantly insincere that it’s fairly predictable and obvious that their script isn’t set up to handle the trifecta of unworthiness. It’s like they’re practicing for home teaching.
I once posted on this topic on a TBM site before I eventually left it…. I said that the best wards are where people genuinely like being together. Often it’s because they are like-minded people. I cited how being assigned to friendship someone who is vastly different than I am, only comes out with monosyllabic answers to questions, and basically is like a bump on a log socially, isn’t the foundation for great relationship that I look forward to. Plop me down to someone who can chat about topics of mutual interests, and likes to work alongside each other, and its much better.
Basically everyone told me I was the type of person who forms cliques (closed circles of people) and that it’s no way to build unity in the Ward.
SilentDawning wrote:Basically everyone told me I was the type of person who forms cliques (closed circles of people) and that it’s no way to build unity in the Ward.
As opposed to the “divinely inspired” assigned cliques.
Having a greater preference for one group of people over others is not a clique. It doesn’t become a clique until it’s exclusive and judgmental of the out-group. I have honestly not seen much of that within wards. Which gets me thinking… Perhaps the reason church members tend to have trouble with being genuinely inclusive is because the church culture as a whole has converged to a clique-like status. White shirt and tie is the “letter jacket” and TRs are the faddish accessories.
Part of the Catholic Mass is to greet your neighbors with a handshake, eye-contact a sincere smile and say, “Peace be with you.” Cynics will say it is forced. How can anyone be sincere in the scripted context of the Mass? Yet, I enjoy it on the occasions when I am there. The assembly of God church where I participate on Sunday nights is very welcoming and accepting … they pride themselves on it. I have been going there for years. Quite a few know that I am Mormon. I am never made to feel “other.”
They also have “small groups” where you can socialize with people in your situation. A number of groups for Women, men’s game and pizza night, young singles, young families, old guys that meet at some ungodly early hour like 6am. I have heard it compared to the body of Christ. You may be a finger and might take comfort hanging out with the other fingers. Does not mean that you are not also part of the body of Christ.
They also take a moment after the worship music to great and welcome all the people around where you are sitting. It has always felt kinda nice and sometimes has led to introductions that otherwise might feel awkward.
Wards tend to take on the characteristics of their leadership. I have been in some aloof wards, but I also have been in plenty of very friendly wards. My current ward is wonderful about greeting people – and I take personal responsibility to help in that regard. My guess is that we tend to hear from relatively few people in very friendly wards.
I love that in our branch, our branch president will give a 1-2 minute sentence summary of why we take the sacrament every Sunday geared for people who are not familiar with the LDS sacrament. On Own Now wrote:Part of the Catholic Mass is to greet your neighbors with a handshake, eye-contact a sincere smile and say, “Peace be with you.” Cynics will say it is forced. How can anyone be sincere in the scripted context of the Mass? Yet, I enjoy it on the occasions when I am there.
Some United Methodists seem to be doing that now, but rather than scripted and forced, it seems to be treated more like a cross between the seventh inning stretch and a chance to go say hello to someone when they’re not trying to get out the door to find some lunch. Some seem to see it as a challenge to greet as many as possible in 2-3 minutes, while others just acknowledge the regulars right around them and then target the closest 1-2 people they don’t recognize.
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