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I am at a point when you start feeling like you are living a lie. None of my family knows how much I struggle with the church, besides DH, but I feel like I am in hiding all of the time. I am definitely not saying that you should be telling your unorthodox opinions in SS, but when should you be more authentic with family? Will they feel betrayed that you hadn’t opened up to them and shared your truth? I think it’s a fine line and it’s a difficult line to walk when you are feeling alone, especially when all friends and family are TBM. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
SilentDawning wrote:SamBee wrote:One wonders… is Charles Manson authentic?
He most certainly was. And look where it got him when he displayed such authenticity in the context of a society that considers murder illegal, and cult-behavior unsavory. The exerted their power and put him in jail.
That is the context in which I think authenticity is overrated. Not that unorthodox people are like Charles Manson, but they do not have power, are not in the active pursuit of a cause (like Ghandi) and normally don’t have widespread local support even fi they wanted to start a movement. And we see what happens to people who start movements in the church — John Dehlin, Kate Kelly….
Obviously that’s an extreme example. I chose him over Applewhite or Jim Jones because there are indications both of those leaders had repressed homosexual leanings, that might have caused them NOT to be true to themselves.
Manson did have some support of course, which is partly how Roman Polanski’s wife Sharon Tait was murdered (the talented director seems to have gone downhill from there, to his present problems).
Personally I think that Charlie Manson is demon possessed from what I’ve seen of him, but one could argue that he has stayed “true” to his innermost desires, or at least taken up the ball and run with it.
slowlylosingit wrote:I am at a point when you start feeling like you are living a lie. None of my family knows how much I struggle with the church, besides DH, but I feel like I am in hiding all of the time. I am definitely not saying that you should be telling your unorthodox opinions in SS, but when should you be more authentic with family? Will they feel betrayed that you hadn’t opened up to them and shared your truth? I think it’s a fine line and it’s a difficult line to walk when you are feeling alone, especially when all friends and family are TBM.
Good point. I think this situation is different than the church-wide example I’m talking about. In your case, many of the strategies of staying quiet, speaking in code, avoiding situations where you have to confront your FC doesn’t work. You are in the thick of it all week.
In this case, I would consider testing the waters first. Finding out how they react to small “releases” of how you feel. If they react uber-negatively, you have to do a cost-benefit analysis. Is being authentic worth losing my marriage? My friends? If not, you make the sacrifice.
At this point, authenticity may be something you consciously sacrifice for the greater good of your marriage. In most marriages, there are things you have to do in order to keep the family happy. Non-church things. I have to drop everything and listen to my wife on her terms when she has had a full day. If I don’t, she goes into withdrawal in our marriage. My marriage is important to me, so I have to tear myself away from intense work that requires immersion, and listen.
You may have to make church sacrifices to keep those relationships intact.
Also, regarding friends. Unlike family, there are a lot of people you can become friends with. They don’t have to be in the church. There are a lot of good people outside the church. You can find them in social groups, meetup.com, service organizations, non-profits or even secular scouting programs. Try expanding your circle of friends while maintaining your LDS circle. Do it gradually. Eventually, you may find you have a strong circle of friends outside the church. YOu can still go to church, set boundaries, and perhaps lose a few LDS friends. Yet the damage seems far less because you have other friends to hang with.
Also, replace that feeling of “living a lie” with respect for yourself as someone who has cultural sensitivity to your friends. Someone who is able to navigate a wide variety of situations socially. I feel I can sit down with a group of Mormons and have a good conversation without ticking them off. I can also sit down with a group of Baptists or people who are unfriendly to the church and have a good conversation. I respect that in myself, as it means I am a well-balanced person capable of adopting a variety of perspectives. So, the angst about being inauthentic is replaced with self-respect for being adaptable, culturally sensitive, and capable of thriving in a variety of social situations and cultures.
SamBee wrote:SilentDawning wrote:SamBee wrote:One wonders… is Charles Manson authentic?
He most certainly was. And look where it got him when he displayed such authenticity in the context of a society that considers murder illegal, and cult-behavior unsavory. The exerted their power and put him in jail.
That is the context in which I think authenticity is overrated. Not that unorthodox people are like Charles Manson, but they do not have power, are not in the active pursuit of a cause (like Ghandi) and normally don’t have widespread local support even fi they wanted to start a movement. And we see what happens to people who start movements in the church — John Dehlin, Kate Kelly….
Obviously that’s an extreme example. I chose him over Applewhite or Jim Jones because there are indications both of those leaders had repressed homosexual leanings, that might have caused them NOT to be true to themselves.
Manson did have some support of course, which is partly how Roman Polanski’s wife Sharon Tait was murdered (the talented director seems to have gone downhill from there, to his present problems).
Personally I think that Charlie Manson is demon possessed from what I’ve seen of him, but one could argue that he has stayed “true” to his innermost desires, or at least taken up the ball and run with it.
I wonder if he regrets it….look where it got him — a life behind bars…(assuming he was never released).
mom3 wrote:Maybe we should change our site name to KimonoOPENERS instead of StayLDS.
I think you are thinking ofldssexuality.comldssexuality.com” class=”bbcode_url”> 😮 SilentDawning wrote:
I wonder if he regrets it….look where it got him — a life behind bars…(assuming he was never released).I’m amazed he was never executed. Yes, he is still behind bars, and that’s where he should stay. There are videos of him on Youtube, from the 90s and 2000s in prison.
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