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I hate to buck tradition here, but lately I have been thinking a lot about the role of hope. Here is the downside of hope. 1. Hope leads to disappointment when the thing hoped for does not materialize.
2. Hope can prevent us from accepting our current circumstances as they are, and the attendant peace.
3. Hope can actually hurt faith when the thing hoped for does not materialize, event after significant faith.
I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but in the last few years, I have found more peace in accepting current circumstances, and adapting to them, rather than trying to change certain situationsm, or hoping for something better. I remember when my son was diagnosed with a chronic disease, my wife was a mess. I had accepted that chronic illness may hit our family in some format, long before the illness arrived. I felt calm, and at peace, and simply focused on what we had to do in order to rectify the situation. My inner peace was not disturbed, unlike my wife at that time.
In terms of a chronic problem in our family, I lived my life with hope and proactivity in trying to solve a household problem. Everything I tried led to massive frustration, marital discord, resistance from my kids. It was awful. I since accepted those circumstances. And while I’m not proud of their effects, I have peace regarding the issue. I have just accepted that THAT particular problem will not go away until one of us (my wife or myself) passes away or our marriage crumbles (I hope not). I am at peace. I have, in effect, stopped hoping for a better world in that respect.
Now, all this needs to be done with judgment. For me, when there are hugely insurmountable problems that refuse to go away in spite of considerable faith and trying, I see leaving hope at the door as the appropriate pathway to peace. I do have a characteristic called “proactive personality” in which I often strive to change the environment or circumstances to make life better. But certain problems — they take monumental effort, miracles that I find rarely come, and have a low probability of success. IN these situations, I see acceptance needs to replace faith and hope…all for the purpose of achieving happiness.
Let hope prevail in other, higher probability of success, projects. And get joy from that.
SilentDawning wrote:…in the last few years, I have found more peace in accepting current circumstances, and adapting to them, rather than trying to change certain situationsm, or hoping for something better.
In my mind, there is a difference between serenity & hope. For example:
serenity= acceptance. Hope= looking for a specific outcome to a problem or situation. I do not look to God in hope that a specific problem will be achieved or overcome. I do not believe that he intervenes in my life on a regular basis to solve specific problems or challenges.
Maybe that’s my way of avoiding disappointment.
It is my responsibility to accept my situation & do what I can to make changes that are positive. It is not always easy to do. So, I rely more & more on friends to give me suggests or examples
how they deal with issues & problems. Or, to tell my truthfully, what I’m doing wrong. (A come to Jesus moment.) It is my responsibility to help them in return, if I can.
That’s why this forum is important.
I am reminded of the AA or Serenity Prayer. Quote:God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
I believe, you are correct that “hope” (especially hope that might lead one to not accept things and
peopleas they currently are) is not equally useful in all situations. As others here seem to be noting, I think there is a difference in the kind of faith and hope that God will help me find my lost car keys and the kind of faith and hope that the gospel is true and I will eventually be forgiven and go to heaven. I put no stock in the former and more in the latter. I certainly don’t “know” that I will be forgiven and be rewarded in a mansion above, but I hope so. I gave up hoping for temporal/earthly things long ago (that pesky faith crisis thing). From that point of view, Jesus brought hope and it is all that some people have. SilentDawning wrote:1. Hope leads to disappointment when the thing hoped for does not materialize.
Perhaps, but having hope can drive a person to do as much as possible, rather than settle for mediocrity. Avoiding disappointment does not have to be the end goal…just manage disappointment as part of the journey.
Quote:2. Hope can prevent us from accepting our current circumstances as they are, and the attendant peace.
It can, but it doesn’t have to. It depends on how a person uses hope in their psyche. I believe many medical patients have more favorable outcomes when they have hope and support and happiness.
Quote:3. Hope can actually hurt faith when the thing hoped for does not materialize, event after significant faith.
Perhaps the faith in things that don’t materialize must be hurt, for us to learn true faith.
We can’t fully learn if we don’t experience the pain, sorrow, sickness, and disappointment that comes along with the joy and happiness we seek. They are often two ends of the same stick, pick up one, and you get the other along with it. There must needs be opposition.
But I do try to teach my kids not to have false hopes. Those should be avoided. But not all hope in all things. Perhaps part of church has lost hope for it to be what it once was to me. THat is ok if my future is brighter in the new hope of church as it should be in my life, not what i hoped it was going to always be for me and family.
I would not say it is over-rated. I would say it is very important to a happy existence.
There is a quote from the movie “Shawshank Redemption” by Andy Dufresne: Quote:Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
Hope is not overrated, IMO
Hope is about the only thing to keep me alive. Many concepts, in their purest forms, aren’t a problem. Many concepts, as applied and practiced by many people, become problems.
Just like everything, there is good hope and bad hope – and Bob Hope.
Hope or at least optimism is one of the six pillars of Emotional Intelligence, which are: – Self-Awareness
– Empathy
– Self-Regulation
– Motivation
– Social Skills
– Happiness (aka Optimism)
Optimism / happiness doesn’t really work if you don’t possess self-awareness and self-regulation as well as social skills and empathy. You have to know whom to trust, for example, and how to avoid or change relationships that undermine your happiness. But without it, you can’t accomplish nearly as much in life, and if you can deliberately use hope at a way to get unstuck, it can yield results that build your emotional well-being.
hawkgrrrl wrote:Hope or at least optimism is one of the six pillars of Emotional Intelligence, which are:
– Self-Awareness
– Empathy
– Self-Regulation
– Motivation
– Social Skills
– Happiness (aka Optimism)
Optimism / happiness doesn’t really work if you don’t possess self-awareness and self-regulation as well as social skills and empathy. You have to know whom to trust, for example, and how to avoid or change relationships that undermine your happiness. But without it, you can’t accomplish nearly as much in life, and if you can deliberately use hope at a way to get unstuck, it can yield results that build your emotional well-being.
My idea in the OP was that there are times when the problem is so insurmountable, and you have very little skills, or ability to solve it, and no one else cares about it but you, that relinquishing hope in that objective can be peace-inducing. Coupled with hope in other things that you can change, or that have a strong force from other people to improve, I think it is sometimes appropriate to stop hoping.
No hope at all, on the other hand, is a dead end. I think we must always be hoping for something to be happy.
I also wonder if the idea of not hoping is consistent with Buddhist philosophy that you should fix your “wanter” — meaning, that angst comes from wanting things If you don’t hope for anything, then you don’t have the angst that comes from unfulfilled dreams.
Unrealistic hope absolutely can be a terrible, no good, very bad thing – but in some cases of lives lived at the extremes unrealistic hope is all there is to maintain sanity and a degree of peace. Slavery comes to mind, but there are other less obvious situations where hope is the only comfort, even if it isn’t realistic.
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