Is this just a place for transition?

[Anonymous]

In creating this topic, I worry that it might have already been discussed. I did try searching a few different ways to see if it was there. I am on another site that uses phpBB and it has it’s strengths, but it does tend to be a group stream of conscience and it is hard to have the really good topics stand out. But with almost 2000 topics just in the “General Discussion” it is hard to determine if you are re-hashing something if you are new to the group.

I listened to John Dehlin from earlier this year.http://radiowest.kuer.org/post/new-order-mormons” class=”bbcode_url”>http://radiowest.kuer.org/post/new-order-mormonsOne comment that he made (and then backed off a bit) was something to the affect that staylds is more of a stopping point on the way out of the church. At this point at least I see it as something that keeps me from falling out of the church – a bit of a safety net. Do others feel the same as me or more like John mentioned in the podcast?

[Anonymous]

A stopping point on the way out of the church. I’d have to hear it in context. There are sites that do appear to be stopping points on the way out of the church but I don’t feel like StayLDS is one of them.

I’m sure there are lots of people that would say that a “middle way” is unsustainable, that you may convince yourself that it’s doable but in time you’ll come to realize that you need to move on. Well this life is unsustainable, so they may be on to something.

StayLDS can be just a place for transition but a transition from what to what? From anger to peace? From denial to acceptance? From concern to apathy? None of those transitions touch on whether someone is a member of the church.

So what do we do after we make whatever transition we needed to make or what do we do after we feel like we can (or need to) complete the rest of the transition on our own? In reading the older topics on this site I see a completely different cast of characters that also had very valuable insights. Many have moved on from StayLDS. Who knows whether they transitioned away from the church as well. It would be interesting to know.

Heck, I’ve felt the pull to move on. I was struggling to be an active poster on this site and just wanted to hit the one year mark. A one year experiment and that was to be that. Too bad for you I got a little addicted along the way.

:silent:

[Anonymous]

I agree with Nibbler (which is not all that unusual). There are plenty of people who come here for a short time and move on, either finding their way to StayLDS or leaving the church. I prefer the first, but understand that the church isn’t right for everybody or at least isn’t right right now. There are sites that are more like what you describe, LH, and I tend to avoid those sites because of that – I don’t like the negativity.

For myself, I do think I’m comfortable in my own “middle way” and see it as sustainable in the foreseeable future. I credit much of that view to you good people here at StayLDS. Many who are in my situation have decided to move on and find other things to do with their time (than spend it on a website), bur like Nibbler, I have also become a bit addicted and I like to feel as though I have been some help to others who need a little hand while traversing their own crises and/or transitions. I might get bored someday, but for now I’m here and happy to be here.

[Anonymous]

good points nibbler – and even “in the church” can hold a WIDE range of beliefs and behaviors.

nibbler wrote:

In reading the older topics on this site I see a completely different cast of characters that also had very valuable insights. Many have moved on from StayLDS. Who knows whether they transitioned away from the church as well. It would be interesting to know.

I had this same thought, but I figured most of them we don’t know why they stopped posting.

Did they

– Just not need the support from the site anymore?

– Left Mormonism?

– reverted back to TBM’s?

– lost interest in the whole topic?

– Died?

I guess if I was ambitious, I could look at bit at the membership that did comment a reasonable amount, but no longer have any comments and send a sampling of them a private message and just ask out of curiosity. Not really sure if I feel like that is in my place to do – kind of overstepping the boundaries a bit. I would be interested to know.

[Anonymous]

I would not say “just a place” … because not all transitions are the same. I do hope it is a safe place for transition.

I like what nibbler wrote…

nibbler wrote:

StayLDS can be just a place for transition but a transition from what to what? From anger to peace? From denial to acceptance? From concern to apathy? None of those transitions touch on whether someone is a member of the church.

Because of the personal nature of the journey…there may be more of a tendency for some to transition out, rather than Stay…as I think John Dehlin wanted to find ways to stay but for his personal reasons did not feel the church was accommodating. He did not remove his name, but the Church sent him a letter. He would have to speak to his experience and feelings, but it doesn’t seem to think he could be honest with himself and stay. I still don’t feel the institution is understanding or accepting of middle-way thinking, so there isn’t really good support to find a way to stay, but more a call to change and “come back to the fold”. And that won’t work for some.

But, truly, many really really do. Many are not on this website, but are in church, and find ways to stay and deal with their own views.

There can be a feeling that over the years, the same issues are brought up again and again as new people are discovering issues for the first time for themselves and don’t know where it can be openly discussed.

I think Ray has been extraordinarily resilient and committed to the mission, as an example that it is sustainable. But I think it will be natural for different generations of posters to come through this forum for as long as it can be sustained and is needed.

I disagree that there is only one path, which is a path transitioning away from the church for anyone informed. That can be one path, but I stick to the theme of the other thread we had…and say there are many paths for many people, depending on their unique points of view and experiences.

[Anonymous]

John’s views have swung back and forth over the years – and I think a lot of his cynicism from that time is due to the other sites in which he was involved that did become places for people who overwhelmingly moved out of the LDS Church. I get it, but that’s not us here at this site.

There are a lot of previous participants who have left after gaining the help they needed to stay and find peace in doing so; there are some of whom we know who still are members but are mostly or completely inactive now; there are a few of whom we know who have left the Church, but we helped them find personal peace in their journeys. We all walk individual paths, whether we recognize that or not – but this site absolutely in NOT just a place for transition out of the LDS Church.

It is a place of transition within one’s own soul.

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

John’s views have swung back and forth over the years – and I think a lot of his cynicism from that time is due to the other sites in which he was involved that did become places for people who overwhelmingly moved out of the LDS Church. I get it, but that’s not us here at this site.

I certainly “feel” a difference between this site and some others. This site is very accepting as long as you are not attacking with “your an idiot for believing / or not believing!”

And I feel a bit for John. I think he was just very public in his faith transition and that has made him a lightening rod. Some of his podcasts have made me squirm and confront things and some have helped me get my head screwed back on. He even admits he has gone “non-objective” at times. Gosh I know I have in my faith transition, but I am just not public about it – not even to my wife.

Old-Timer wrote:

There are a lot of previous participants who have left after gaining the help they needed to stay and find peace in doing so; there are some of whom we know who still are members but are mostly or completely inactive now; there are a few of whom we know who have left the Church, but we helped them find personal peace in their journeys. We all walk individual paths, whether we recognize that or not – but this site absolutely in NOT just a place for transition out of the LDS Church.

It is a place of transition within one’s own soul.

And good for them! I wish everyone well.

Thanks for the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I think Ray has been extraordinarily resilient and committed to the mission, as an example that it is sustainable. But I think it will be natural for different generations of posters to come through this forum for as long as it can be sustained and is needed.

I second that. I often wonder what would happen to the site if he left moderation.

I do believe this site is a place for transitioners. But they transition to many different destinations.

Myself, it’s helped me stay. It’s a place to go for advice to consider when we encounter church problems. It helped me realize that the hole I felt in my life after I lost my commitment was due to a lack of meaningful service and personal growth — not due to the “buffetings of Satan” from straying off the path that we hear so much about in the church. Discussion led me there.

And so, I moved on and found new opportunities. In 24 months of community service, I got the equivalent of 10 years of personal growth and self-knowledge I might have gained if I invested the time in church. A number of self-doubts about my abilities in certain areas have disappeared. My mentor (an ex-CEO that I work with), gave me a complement that other day that verified to me that I have skills I always wondered if I had. I’m a benchwarmer at church, but support my family, and my daughter is thriving as a traditional believer. These are all positive outcomes from conversing here.

I also believe another form of transition has to do with getting past Church hurt. After a while I realized my constant harping on the issues that drove me here were tiresome to everyone. It helped me finally get over talking about it. So, it helped me transition from hurt and anger to acceptance of my personal church history.

So, I hope StayLDS is a transitioning place to happiness, and often, a transition from hurt to productive living.

[Anonymous]

I saw this question elsewhere on the Interwebs and was surprised. I’m kind of mad at John Dehlin for saying that. I defended our little community, but I couldn’t tell if the guy who was asking the question bought my response or not. I hope he did—maybe he’s here now!

[Anonymous]

I agree with what’s been said. The entire mission of the site is to help people “stay LDS,” hence the name. Does that work for everybody? No, of course not. But there are many who have found ways to remain in the church and make it work. I also think the term “middle way” is misleading. I don’t think anyone ever reverts to being a TBM. That’s the unsustainable position, IMO, at least the black & white variety of TBM. They run the risk of being black & white disbelievers. Most people understand that life is a search for truth and wisdom, not a list of answers.

[Anonymous]

hawkgrrrl wrote:

Most people understand that life is a search for truth and wisdom, not a list of answers.

Exactly! So the transition often is from believing one way to believing a new way. It’s certainly not always just transitioning to believing to non-believing…although some go that route too. So…there are different kinds of transitions, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Heber13 wrote:

So the transition often is from believing one way to believing a new way. It’s certainly not always just transitioning to believing to non-believing…although some go that route too. So…there are different kinds of transitions, obviously.

I was just listening to Bill Reel’s Mormon discussion podcast where a guest of his mentioned that many people move from stage 3 of mormonism into stage 3 atheist or stage 3 some other religion. As I thought about it I think I have seen some folks that fit that description.

[Author]

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