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Your Bishop should have stayed out of it. If your son went to him seeking advice that’s one thing, he should have given his opinion and left it up to your son. You were honest and there is nothing wrong with that. Some day I’ll be doing the same thing with my children. Kinderhook08 wrote:Your Bishop should have stayed out of it. If your son went to him seeking advice that’s one thing, he should have given his opinion and left it up to your son. You were honest and there is nothing wrong with that. Some day I’ll be doing the same thing with my children.
Right or wrong, that is the problem. Our bishop, young mens leaders, and other ward members have been telling my son the exact qoutes I posted earlier. My bishop should probably stay out of it if he is directly going against my wishes. He asked for my opinion, I gave it to him, and nobody has the right to tell a kid his Dad is wrong about something like that.
I agree, wnedell. Unfortunately, the Golden Rule is MUCH harder to live than most of us realize. wendell wrote:Kinderhook08 wrote:Your Bishop should have stayed out of it. If your son went to him seeking advice that’s one thing, he should have given his opinion and left it up to your son. You were honest and there is nothing wrong with that. Some day I’ll be doing the same thing with my children.
Right or wrong, that is the problem. Our bishop, young mens leaders, and other ward members have been telling my son the exact qoutes I posted earlier. My bishop should probably stay out of it if he is directly going against my wishes. He asked for my opinion, I gave it to him, and nobody has the right to tell a kid his Dad is wrong about something like that.
Is the bishop going so far as to say directly that you are absolutely wrong? If so, then I would agree that he is getting into dangerous territory. I had a bishop down my parents once. Didn’t do much to sustain my respect for the man. Rather, it backfired in his face although I never shared any of it with my folks. You may not like what the bishop is saying, but don’t make more out of it than it is either.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I can’t quite agree. I think that once we set our kids free to make decisions, we also have to trust them to take counsel/advise from whomever they will whether it is us as their parents or not. I mean we can’t control the situation and stress is created when we try to. Would it be nice if the bishop said only what you wanted him too? Maybe. But your son will need to learn to think on his own and perhaps a few opposing views may be just what he needs in order to grow in that area. If you are worried that the bishop is somehow ruining your credibility, then those are valid feelings. But you still can’t control whether or not that happens. And if I were your son, I might just want you to stay out of my bishop’s interviews. Sorry to be blunt.
Just trust your son. I guarantee he will feel your love if he knows you respect and trust him as a man as you point him to trusting himself.
Poppyseed wrote:Is the bishop going so far as to say directly that you are absolutely wrong? If so, then I would agree that he is getting into dangerous territory.
Yes, my son says the bishop told him that I have no right to discourage a mission, and that he should ignore my advice. I have refrained from calling the bishop on it, but it really does bother me.
Poppyseed wrote:
I guess what I am trying to say is that I can’t quite agree. I think that once we set our kids free to make decisions, we also have to trust them to take counsel/advise from whomever they will whether it is us as their parents or not. I mean we can’t control the situation and stress is created when we try to. Would it be nice if the bishop said only what you wanted him too? Maybe. But your son will need to learn to think on his own and perhaps a few opposing views may be just what he needs in order to grow in that area. If you are worried that the bishop is somehow ruining your credibility, then those are valid feelings. But you still can’t control whether or not that happens. And if I were your son, I might just want you to stay out of my bishop’s interviews. Sorry to be blunt.No problem with your being blunt. My son came to me and told me what the bishop said to him. I have never gotten involved in his interviews. Again, I have not contacted the bishop about it, and I won’t. As for the bishop only saying what I would like him to say, I have no desire to control anything he does. I simply don’t think that after he and I discussed this, that he should be calling my son in simply to “correct” me. If my son had asked to meet with him to get his opinion, I’m sure I would feel differently about it. The bishop can do whatever he wants, but I will certainly let my son know how I feel every time he inquires. If he wants to take the bishop’s advice rather than mine, there is nothing I can do about it, but every time he asks my opinion, I will give it to him.
Poppyseed wrote:
Just trust your son. I guarantee he will feel your love if he knows you respect and trust him as a man as you point him to trusting himself.I definitely do trust my son…and he trusts me. That is why he came to me to ask my opinion. I have never once mentioned a mission to him in his entire life because I didn’t want to negatively taint his feelings. However, when he came to me, I felt it necessary to be honest and open with him about it.
wendell wrote:Poppyseed wrote:Is the bishop going so far as to say directly that you are absolutely wrong? If so, then I would agree that he is getting into dangerous territory.
Yes, my son says the bishop told him that I have no right to discourage a mission, and that he should ignore my advice. I have refrained from calling the bishop on it, but it really does bother me.
…and for good reason! I have known some bishops that constantly undermine the parents’ authority, and it is absolutely wrong! When the bishop sees himself as the “savior” of the ward, it is his own ego getting in the way of agency. Even if a parent’s advice is wrong, short of causing significant physical or emotional harm to their children, the bishop should respect the parent’s right to raise a family. As a bishop, there were many times I disagreed with parents advice to their children, but I just bit my tongue for the greater good of respecting the parent’s authority.
It also bothers me that some leaders try to homogenize the members. We are each unique, and our individual talents and journeys should be encouraged. But, maybe that’s why I’m such a rebel anyway?!
😆 Rix wrote:
It also bothers me that some leaders try to homogenize the members. We are each unique, and our individual talents and journeys should be encouraged. But, maybe that’s why I’m such a rebel anyway?!😆 Exactly!!! Why do we all have to be the same? Isn’t variety the spice of life? I’m required to be a robot at work now, and doing it at church is simply too much for me to handle. A zombie maybe, but definitely not a robot.
So, when someone tries to homogenize you, simply tell them that you are following Elder Wirthlin’s counsel to be the best tuba or snare drum or oboe that you can be – that you just aren’t a piccolo.
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