It shouldn’t be this hard to baptize a child.

[Anonymous]

SilentDawning wrote:

Canucknuckle wrote:

While I agree with you on the principle of this statement, my experiences over the last 21 years as a member and the previous years growing up in and LDS community as a non-member, I find that this ONE person’s personality is all too common among the leadership of the church at the local level. Now, you may have experienced something different, as may have many others, so consider yourself blessed but in my life this is a very common type of person who represents the Church as local leaders. So it is the church doing it. Try as we may to separate the local leaders actions from the Q15, the argument that they are just normal people doing their best begins to sound trite. I can cut Bishops some slack for just trying their best, as there are so many Bishops but the Church has to do a better job selecting and training SPs, in my opinion.

For inner peace reasons, I think Ray’s advice is good — if you can really internalize and accept the argument that its not the church, it’s an isolated act by a single leader — over and over again — some can find peace.

The sad part is that my experience concurs with more with Canucknuckle’s reasoning above than the anomaly theory Ray proposes. Although the handbook doesn’t forbid a dedicated baptism, the talks over the pulpit, manuals and even the temple ceremony all reinforce a culture of strict obedience to the leaders above us. Therefore, it’s less risky for a priesthood leader to simply obey policy than to ive by the spirit of the law — and risk censure from his SP.

The other thing, I was inspired recently by some of the leadership writings of Max Dupree, very prolific and timeless writer on leadership.

He listed what he felt were the “rights” of individuals in organizations that were truly committed to an inspirational culture. One is the “right of appeal”. I find in our church, the Bishopric is always reading letters that members should not take up issues with the GA’s – they should work only with their “local leaders”. You can appeal somewhat to Stake Presidents when Bishop’s do bad things, and certainly, appeals over the heads of local auxiliary and priesthood leaders to Bishop’s are common. But you get to a point in the hierarchy (the SP) level, you’re essentially out of options. And my 30 years in the church tells me that going over the head of priesthood leaders is generally considered disloyal.

We need a “like” button this forum!

[Anonymous]

Canucknuckle,

Let me summarize this as an outsider looking in, in an effort to give some different weight to the individual issues…

Your son is going to be baptized.

You’d like to do it closer to your extended family so they can all participate

Several people think that sounds fine.

The one person who can authorize that in your first-choice location chose not to.

You have a difference of opinion with the stake leader in your first-choice area, but since you aren’t talking directly to that person, you don’t have an opportunity to plead your case, so that avenue is closed.

There is another location that isn’t quite as good, but still satisfies your desire to do it closer to family.

Your son is still going to be baptized.

With all this in mind, I think it would be a good idea to let this go.

You said:

Canucknuckle wrote:

because I respect and love my BIL and his family, I don’t want to stir things up from my end… I simply wouldn’t do that to him.

I think that is very wise. It shows that you care more for your BIL than for making a point. I think we always have to be wary of how and when to speak up. I am with you, that this is not a good time or good way to do so. The baptism has to be about your son. I’m sure you don’t want to make this issue the major memory of the day.

I joked about being baptized in a stake meeting earlier, but for the record, let me say that I remember it with fondness. It was over four decades ago, but I remember the excitement, the happiness, the feeling of calm. I remember how the chairs were set up facing the font. I remember being baptized by my late father, who I now miss so very much. I remember changing out of my wet clothes with my dad at my side. I remember how happy my mom was. I don’t remember who spoke. I don’t remember who conducted. I assume there where hymns, but I don’t remember that part. I don’t remember anyone being there that I knew, other than my mom and dad. There are a few other things I remember from that time frame. I remember being interviewed by the Bishop. He was a good man. Knowing what I know now, I’m sure he was a very busy man. He had a family, a job, and a huge responsibility, for which he received no pay. Yet, he seemed to have all the time in the world to talk to me. He made me feel happy about the baptism, he made me feel important and loved. He made me feel good about becoming a baptized member of the Church. I also remember being announced in SM the next day and the sensation of having all those smiling faces on me. People where sincerely happy for me. I got a lot of handshakes and congratulations on that day.

If I could offer some advice, it would be to forgive, forget, and get on with one of the great moments of being a parent and an even greater moment for your son.

[Anonymous]

On thing that might help too — its hard to ignore the power the church has to dictate the circumstances of ordinances. I am facing that clout with respect to the ward I live in right now and the geographical boundary rule.

You can take comfort in the fact that after this bit of inconvenience is over, you still have a lot of power to decide what you will give to the local ward and stake on your end. We have more power than we think. They can dictate the terms of certain ordinances etcetera, but these are brief spikes along the way and don’t typify the infinite seconds that make up your life experience within the church.

When I realized that a while ago, I felt a burden lifted.

[Author]

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