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I went on a mission to an English speaking foreign country. It was a struggle–a BIG struggle. I was obedient to the mission rules, received an honorable release after 2 years, and believe I knocked on close to between 5,000 and 10,000 doors. We trackted on average 8-10 hours a day, an lesser amount on Sunday and P-Day,…but still up in the 4-6 hour mark. Got spit on, doors slammed, abused, robbed, yelled at, mooned (no kidding!), and a few other things. The mission average was 1/2 baptism per missionary for 2 years,…meaning many went home without success. During my mission, we were told by the GAs that we should set a goal of a solid baptism a week. Most missionaries, like I said, went home dry,..but we tried. Because of the scripture that God will never ask you to do something He won’t prepare a way for you to accomplish was used to motivate, many missionaries, including me, became discouraged. Obviously we just didn’t have enough faith,…because if we did, then we would be able to fulfill the GAs goals that were set for us (and I am so VERY grateful this “numbers” game has been replaced in Preach my Gospel.)
Anyway,…when I came home, I heard my friends talk about their mission, and how it was “The Best 2 YEARS OF MY LIFE!!!!”
My heart sank. If this was the best 2 years,…kill me now, because I have nothing to look forward to…nothing.
I was utterly surprised to find out later, when I was in a counselors office (as in mental health) on an unrelated concern, and I asked her if she ever worked with missionaries who struggled with their missions because it wasn’t the best 2 years of their life. She laughed,…and with a wagging head basically said I had NO IDEA what was going on–that the numbers were significant. I confirmed this with another counselor years later. This other counselor explained that bishops often blow it so bad with people who are struggling that it keeps her office nice and full as she tries her best to scrape them off the pavement.
So,…I want to hear what people have to say about “best 2 years”. I for one felt damned. I didn’t baptise a person a month…I didn’t fulfill the commission from God through his leaders (which at the time I believe was the will of God because “by my own voice or the voice of my servants, it is the same”). Now, my opinion since has changed. I am NOT TBM now….
but I do want feedback on this.
I refused to use those words in my homecoming talk. I simply talked about the things I learned and some inspiring stories I had by connecting and loving other people in the US where I served. “Best 2 years”? Nah…but it was pretty good. Mixed bag of stuff. I was certainly glad I went, and experienced things I never would have otherwise, those things were great.
But not better than skiing Alta or Solitude, not better than dating, not better than High School friends or BYU experiences.
I didn’t ask to extend, I didn’t have to readjust to college life when I got back, I didn’t try to live the mission handbook rules when I got back.
I was honest. I just called it a “great 2 years”, because mostly, it was (apart from the excruciating times I had to deal with companions that were ridiculous). I closed that chapter of my life, the good and bad, and moved to the next. And it certainly got way better after my mission. (And also…it got way worse at times too).
I would not be able to understand someone else who is an adult with a family who was claiming it was forever the best 2 years they existed on earth. I can’t relate to that.
I sure hope my kids go. It’s good experience for them to get the experience of a mission life, mixed bag and all.
I don’t get caught up in hyperbole or whether others feel it was for them…I had my experience. It was what it was.
R4H, it sounds like our missions were very similar. Mine was not English-speaking, but was a European mission with very low numbers. Fortunately, our second mission president understood that, and put a lot of focus on service rather than numbers. So, I really did enjoy the experience, because I spent a lot of time serving people and having experiences that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I don’t buy into the whole “Best Two Years” thing, and I don’t think we’re asked to feel that way. It’s just one of those trendy cultural phrases that has been getting thrown around a lot for the past 10 years or so. I’ve never referred to my mission as the best two years, and never will; although I truly value the experience and have great memories of it. Of course, everybody’s going to come away from the experience differently. I have a friend who went to a mission where he did quite a bit of teaching and baptizing, and he says he hated his mission and wish he wouldn’t have gone. And he’s actually a pretty TBM guy. But, I don’t feel compelled in any way to say that my mission was my best two years, and I usually just roll my eyes when I hear people talk about it that way. 🙄 I’m with Holy Cow, I think the phrase “best two years” is just an overly enthusiastic way of saying “I really enjoyed my mission.” We say “best two years” because we want to sell the idea to others. I’m also with you Rob4Hope, to think that those were the best two years is depressing. I feel the same way about any similar statements. I remember hearing from a school admin freshman year, “you’ll look back to these years as the best years of your life.” Nope, not by a long shot.
If we’re locked down on the concept of best two years I’d rather be more optimistic about it. Find a way to say the last two years of my life have been the best two years, or tell myself that the next two years will be the best two years. Focusing on the here and now can generate optimism, my best days aren’t all behind me.
Here’s a thread with similar themes, in it you’ll see that I’m a broken record:
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5267 ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5267 Rob4Hope wrote:During my mission, we were told by the GAs that we should set a goal of a solid baptism a week. Most missionaries, like I said, went home dry,..but we tried. Because of the scripture that God will never ask you to do something He won’t prepare a way for you to accomplish was used to motivate, many missionaries, including me, became discouraged. Obviously we just didn’t have enough faith,…because if we did, then we would be able to fulfill the GAs goals that were set for us (and I am so VERY grateful this “numbers” game has been replaced in Preach my Gospel.)
Unfortunately we’re still doing this in many, many areas.
It should be obvious that I wouldn’t say that my mission was the best two years. I can say that they were a very useful or possibly even necessary two years. Those two years contributed to who I am today. Well… all two year blocks of my life did that but still I wouldn’t trade the experience – the good or the bad.
People used to say that high school were the best years of life too. I also had the thought, shoot me now then. But someone explained that maybe what it really means is that you won’t have a time like that again. I think it might be the same for a mission. No one will ever have that kind of intense religious experience where all they do is religion like that again. Still, some people don’t like their missions and maybe didn’t end up having such religious experience after all. I had a blast on my mission. Went to Southern Chile (Concepcion), learned Spanish, ate good food, saw really cool places, met great people, baptized some people. My MPs were cool, didn’t pressure baptisms (didn’t need to, I had 3-4 a month). I don’t know how I would have handled a “hard” mission. I even got breakfast in bed on my p-days at one pension I stayed in while I was ZL! My mission was hard in a number of always, but, overall, it was a very good experience. I was engaged when I left for my mission to the only girl I dated after she turned 16. The two years we dated before my mission were the best two years of my life until we got married. My mission was the next best two years – at that point in my life. The 28 1/2 years since we got married have been the best two years of my life, every two years.
For most missionaries who didn’t leave their future wives behind and who had good experiences, I understand completely why their missions were the best two years of their lives up to that point. If missions don’t suck, they certainly can be better than high school for most people.
For those that felt something like Rob, you really should read Craig Harline’s “way below the Angels”. You will love it and the guy is hilarious (and a BYU professor). One of the best books I have read in the last year. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
It wasn’t my best two years, either – far from it. That’s not to say I don’t have some good memories or that I didn’t learn and gain from the experience. I also served in a foreign English mission where baptisms were few and far between, and I didn’t much care for my mission president who seemed much more interested in numbers than people (converts or missionaries). I get the idea that for a kid just out of high school (and at that time with perhaps a year of college) it may be the best two years to that point. I was a convert and 23, I had had some pretty good times and actually consider the year I joined the church and the following year some of the best parts of my life. My mission didn’t suck, but I was ready for it to be over. Thirty years later, there are lots more great things – marriage to a wonderful woman, great kids, some career things, etc. FWIW, I liked high school and I liked the army – if I wasn’t going on a mission I would likely have stayed in. I tell my own kids that if the mission is the best two years of their lives then their lives are sadly missing some things. I am happy for them if they are happy, if they want to serve I’ll support them and if they don’t I support them. (I have a son currently serving and in breaking news – to the public forum anyway – I have a son with a call.)
One of my brothers had a great mission. My other brother’s mission was a terrible experience. He was on a mission where the AP’s were swimming with and dating the local girls. My brother was one of the few who tried to just do the right thing for the right reason without making a big deal out of it. At one point, he developed a bleeding ulcer. He was throwing up blood. The GI doc stated my brother needed to slow down for a while, or the ulcer was going to kill him. The mission president said, ” Get on your bike and ride.” He rode and puked blood as he went. The ulcer did eventually heal. He survived. The experience didn’t make him feel any sense of compassion or any sense that his leaders cared about his well being. All the stories .. I assumed he was being overly dramatic .. Surely it couldn’t have been so bad .. But then we had a few people from his mission stop through and stay with our family while they traveled state-side. Each verified the basics of the mission issues — my brother being one of the few “good ones who were doing the right thing”. AP were dating the local girls and hanging out swimming at the local river, etc .. Tales of wide spread corruption within the mission.
My brother eventually left the church over his mission experience. The breaking of basic rules wasn’t the problem.. But the LYING was what he couldn’t wrap his head around. All these guys returning stateside and telling a story about their “valiant” mission. The lies .. He couldn’t handle the lies.
As nibbler already pointed out, there’s a related thread here: http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5267 Mission experiences are so individualized that it would be impossible to say that there is one normal outcome. My mission was perfect for me. I was one of the lucky ones, I suppose. Although I never did, I could have easily said that it was the best two years at that point in my life.
I served in two separate missions (one for a short time and the other for the remainder) and the difference between the two was very stark.
But that’s all ancient history… I mean, I served in the 1900’s. Today, I try to get to know the local missionaries and I always thank them for their sacrifice and hard work. After all, they are living it today. I try to provide a positive voice to counter the tough things they have to deal with.
My son came home early from his mission by his own choice. He didn’t want to stay in an environment where, in his own words: “They say your are trustworthy, but they don’t allow you to make decisions for yourself that they trust.” He found the structure and lifestyle unbearable. It was too much for him personally to stop thinking for himself and adopt a “hive” mentality of how to do things. This was his own perspective. So, it wasn’t for him. It was also interesting the pressure put on him to stay. His mission president told him in so many words he was going to land in complete inactivity and eventual hell if he left, and so forth. He was his own man,..his own thinker, and rejected those thoughts and left. He is now married, doing great, and has a little one on the way. I love him and it is all good. What was interesting, however, is how the Stake handled his homecoming. He was immediately placed in a singles ward away from his home ward, was encouraged indirectly to avoid contact with all of the other youth in the stake, and the whole thing was hushed. His “wall plaque” was taken down with no mention of why, and he was carefully isolated. The goal?….make sure he doesn’t share any of his feelings with anyone else.
But, he still had his recommend and was worthy.
The whole thing had nothing to do with worthiness–it had to do with the “hive” mentality that was intentionally promulgated and protected.
The overall message is that missions are wonderful experiences for everyone (because we don’t want to even acknowledge the possibility they are not lest we discourage some from going) and it is important we don’t allow those who don’t fit the mold well, for whatever reason, to have influence with those who may still end up going….
I can see why the church has the position it does, but I don’t necessarily agree with it.
My mission was incredibly difficult for me. I had a good mission president and didn’t really have any problem with the rules. Living with companions and teaching discussions and coming up with investigators was very hard for me. I reread my mission journal and I was surprised at the amount of negativity I poured into that book (not sure if I should pass it on to my children) When my wife mentioned going on a mission together some day, I said “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” I’ve softened my position on this a bit but you will NOT see me doing a proselyting mission of any kind EVER! It just doesn’t fit my personality and I am not good at it. That said, I can see how much I gained from my mission and it played a key role in shaping me. But it was very challenging. I know that this is not the case for everyone. I have three brothers all who served missions. One brother hated his mission so much he came home early (no dishonorable conduct…just couldn’t take it anymore). Another brother LOVED his mission and only spoke of it in glowing terms. The remaining brother and I are somewhere in between these extremes. Good mixed with bad.
I’m glad I did it and I’m even more glad that I’ll never have to do it again.
Gerald wrote:My mission was incredibly difficult for me.
So was mine. I felt broken for years because it wasn’t a pleasant experience, and I didn’t understand why…I figured I was just unworthy.
Rob4Hope wrote:The overall message is that missions are wonderful experiences for everyone (because we don’t want to even acknowledge the possibility they are not lest we discourage some from going) and it is important we don’t allow those who don’t fit the mold well, for whatever reason, to have influence with those who may still end up going….
I can see why the church has the position it does, but I don’t necessarily agree with it.
This is how I feel as well. It does bug me a bit that certain topics are taboo – how hard missions can be being one of those topics. I think we could generally do better at telling prospective missionaries what mission life is really like. I have a son serving and another with a call. In their call packets they were both told to watch episodes of “The District” in preparation. Current missionary son told prospective missionary son not to bother and that show isn’t at all representative of real situations. He said that even though it’s presented as reality TV he strongly suspects it’s scripted. I’m not sure it’s scripted but it certainly is not representative of my experiences, either.
My called son is going to be part of the “My Plan” thing as well. When he found out about it (we never discussed it) he said “I hope it’s not something like come home and get married as soon as possible and start having kids. I’m going back to BYU and my education is my top priority, I’m not there to find a wife.” We did have a discussion in the car about that (in the absence of DW) and he talked about how he really dislikes that part of the culture and referred to it as non-doctrine, etc. He said they changed SPs while he was at BYU and the old SP only talked about getting married and having kids – every conference, every priesthood meeting, every talk in the ward. He liked his new SP much better. I will add that he brought up the subjects and he did most of the talking – the son I thought was very black and white and a believer in exact obedience is not so solid as I thought.
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