I’ve decided I will be opening up to my bishop

[Anonymous]

For me, authenticity and engaging with the church really just means I won’t pretend I’m in the boat if I’m not. I have to have a minimum common belief to feel right about being in the church. It’s nice that I’m single because I can engage on my own terms.

[Anonymous]

Hi Beefster,

As a YSA who is now an inactive non-believer some of TBM theology, I thought I’d comment:

First of all, I feel like I’ve been in a similar place. There was a time when I realized that keeping my struggles to myself was stifling me and my intimate relationships with other people. From my perspective, I get the sense from your posts that not sharing your current thoughts and feelings about the Church are putting you in a similar place. I think you know best about this, and putting yourself in spaces, or opening up a little bit with people, will allow you to feel a little less stifled and grow spiritually, and better yet, help you find out what you want for your life right now (spiritually speaking). However, I will say what is kind of a motto with this site: go slow.

Like others on this thread, I strongly encourage you not to “come clean” with a letter or even try to full-on explain all the reasons you’re at where you’re at. Can I ask what you hope to get from this?

I know that it might feel empowering in theory–it sounds great to finally just lay out who you are and where you’re at and why—and it may even give you temporary relief–but there are long term consequences to this that will be overwhelmingly unhelpful. Besides what others have mentioned, you are inviting others to judge very personal and powerful aspects of your story. When you throw it all out there to a TBM, it’s likely you are hitting them with issues you have spent significant amount of time mulling over, when they might have ever thought of/heard of or are that bothered by. Additionally, these questions already have significant emotional meaning to you, when they don’t to others. This is a recipe for misunderstanding and clashing, imo.

If church participation is stressing you too much for you to handle, then disengage a little. This does not have to be all-or-nothing and just from my experience, I don’t think putting a timetable on when you have to decide if you’re leaving is going to help with the pressure you’re feeling right now. I think that ups the stakes and puts you under more pressure, especially when you’re backing away from living a very active life in the Church to leaving cold turkey.

Also, I’m just going to come out and say from my experience, I don’t know if it’s really possible to fully “leave” Mormonism if that’s how you’ve grown up. Even if you do ultimately decide to “leave” the Church, your family will be in it and you cannot completely cut off the Church’s influence in your life without cutting out them. It’s up to you to find the appropriate balance. It’s much different than the Church’s illustration that you are either in, out, or a fence-sitter, the reality is that it flows. There are so many different “activity” statuses that fit different belief systems in the Church. So please, don’t burn bridges. As always, I’m only speaking from my experience. You know your situation and yourself better than any of us do.

[Anonymous]

Nicely written and shared University.

[Author]

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