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When someone asks how I am….. I answer ohh, last night I slept like a baby…… woke up every two hours and cried! johnh wrote:
He was asked by one city official “I know this sounds crazy but we got a complaint that you would be keeping cattle in the basement”😆 😆 😆 :clap: We had a bit of an incident in our ward on Sunday. One of the sisters was wearing two pairs of pants, so she took one lot off. Unfortunately her two year old son copied her, and started running around the church with no bottoms on. He kept on running round the sister missionaries too.
Someone said, “We’ve got a flasher in the church.”
And the other guy replied, “yeah and on a Sunday too…”
J Golden Kimball was sent once to a town in Wyoming in which some young men were shooting their guns in the air within town limits. In the meeting at which he was presiding, those young men were being disrespectful, so when he stood to speak he said: Quote:Go to Hell!
They shut up immediately, and he shouted:
Quote:Go to HELL!!
He then said:
Quote:I hear some of you have been walking around town with pistols in your hip pockets. Better be careful — might go off and blow your brains out!
This one is sexist, but I still laughed Why do Brides wear White?
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So the “Dishwasher” matches the stove and refridgerator!!!!!
Old-Timer wrote:J Golden Kimball was sent once to a town in Wyoming in which some young men were shooting their guns in the air within town limits. In the meeting at which he was presiding, those young men were being disrespectful, so when he stood to speak he said:
Quote:Go to Hell!
They shut up immediately, and he shouted:
Quote:Go to HELL!!
He then said:
Quote:I hear some of you have been walking around town with pistols in your hip pockets. Better be careful — might go off and blow your brains out!
Haha. That is great.
Spotted on an anti-Mormon site, but funny. This quote is from “Papa Hemingway” by AE
Hotchner, who knew Hemingway for years.
It’s apparently a real incident. Ref. Chapter 11 “Ketchum” pp.170,171 Gary Cooper and Ernest [Hemingway] had
been good friends from the time they first
met in Idaho in the early thirties. They
respected each other’s hunting skills and
knowledge of the outdoors and were always
completely honest with one another….
“Ain’t this Mormon country wonderful!”
Cooper said. “They know how to live.”
“I’m practically one myself,” Ernest said. “Had
four wives, didn’t I?” He took a sip of wine.
“To tell the truth, if I were reborn and had a
choice, I’d be a Mormon.”
Steve Rosenbloom (Chicago Tribune): Quote:Here’s the thing about Chicago:
We don’t have real celebrities. We used to have two – Fat Oprah and Thin Oprah – but both left town.
[ Admin note: I deleted a joke that simply doesn’t fit here – and not for the vocabulary aspect. Please understand we can’t allow posts that are racist in nature or make light of horrible atrocities. I believe the poster didn’t intend the messages and stereotypes that underlie the joke, but it was way beyond what is acceptable here.] Bono turns up at the Pearly Gates and asks to be let in. Peter says to him, “I’m afraid we’ve strict orders not to let you in.”
Bono shakes his fist and says, “Lord! How can you do this to me after all I’ve done for you?”
SamBee wrote:Bono turns up at the Pearly Gates and asks to be let in.
Peter says to him, “I’m afraid we’ve strict orders not to let you in.”
Bono shakes his fist and says, “Lord! How can you do this to me after all I’ve done for you?”
Umm… I don’t get it.
Oh well… don’t want to explain it though, that’s the best way to render a joke completely unfunny… I figured it was a different side of the pond thing. 
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