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This isn’t a joke, per se, but it might be the funniest comment in the history of the Bloggernacle. The post and thread are interesting from a purely “people studying” perspective (and comment #166 is epicly BAD), but comment #266 shows why Thomas Parkin is one of my commenter heroes. Enjoy the laugh: From the post,
“Ron Paul and Korihor: A Comparison“ – “My Top Ten People I Would Like to See Compared to Korihor”(
http://bycommonconsent.com/2011/06/03/ron-paul-and-korihor-a-comparison/#comment-225188 Roy wrote:After traditional ancient Mesoamerican battles, why did so many of the surviving Lamanite warriors suffer bloodied shins?
Because of all the Knee-fights!!!
:lolno: Must have also been their famous prophet(s) Nehi. (Knee high)
Last year, there was a talk in which someone told us about our local patriarch having given his 666th patriarchal blessing. I found it hard to keep a straight face, thankfully, #666 was not me.
SamBee wrote:thankfully, #666 was not me
😆 I was out with the missionaries once, when one of them came out with a classic Freudian slip to an investigator. “You needn’t worry about that when you get baptized Emma, because the clothing is see-through.”
When he realized what he said, he went bright red, and me and everybody just about peed themselves.
😆 Emma never got baptized in the end. Might have been the cigarettes, but who knows.
My 13-year-old daughter (who, perhaps unfortunately, inherited my twisted sense of humor) asked me a few days ago if Gethsemane was where Jesus learned what it’s like to be a woman . . . wait for it . . . drum roll . . . because that was the only time, on his own, he bled as much as she does every month. 😆 (Sorry if that seems sacrilegious to anyone – and, fwiw, I hate how that word is spelled.)Her future husband better not be uptight about topics others find sensitive or icky.
SilentDawning wrote:3 BYU grads were hiking out in the wilderness when they came across a set of tracks.
The first zoobie said, “These look like deer tracks to me”
The second zoobie said, “No way, these are definitely wolf tracks”
The third zoobie said, “Nu-uh. These look like rabbit tracks”
They were still arguing when the train hit them!
Hawkgrrrl wrote:So…..what kind of tracks were they?
Why do LDS missionaries travel in twos? A: More man.
This one isn’t religious, but it’s stinking hilarious. Actually, I saw it on the blog of the former Relief Society President in our old ward, so I guess there is a Mormon connection. Quote:There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM . The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena . “I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday . . . Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”
PiperAlpha wrote:SilentDawning wrote:3 BYU grads were hiking out in the wilderness when they came across a set of tracks.
The first zoobie said, “These look like deer tracks to me”
The second zoobie said, “No way, these are definitely wolf tracks”
The third zoobie said, “Nu-uh. These look like rabbit tracks”
They were still arguing when the train hit them!
Hawkgrrrl wrote:So…..what kind of tracks were they?
TRAIN tracks!!!
I Went To Heaven (S644c) > > From: darrellvip on 5/12/2009
> >
> > I was shocked, confused, bewildered
> > As I entered Heaven’s door,
> > Not by the beauty of it all,
> > Nor the lights or its decor.
> >
> > But it was the folks in Heaven
> > Who made me sputter and gasp–
> > The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
> > The alcoholics and the trash.
> >
> > There stood the kid from seventh grade
> > Who swiped my lunch money! Twice.
> > Next to him was my old neighbor
> > Who never said anything nice.
> >
> > Jerry, who I always thought
> > Was rotting away in hell,
> > Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
> > Looking incredibly well.
> >
> > I nudged Jesus, ‘What’s the deal?
> > I would love to hear Your take.
> > How’d all these sinners get up here?
> > God must’ve made a mistake!
> >
> > ‘And why’s everyone so quiet,
> > So somber? – Please give me a clue.’
> > ‘Hush, child,’ He said, ‘it’s because
> > they’re all in shock.
> > No one thought they’d be seeing you.’
> >
> > And here is the other thing I like:
> >
> >
http://tinymosquito.blogspot.com/2010/12/best-religion.html > >
This was in a comment on a thread paying tribute to Marion D. Hanks, who died last week. He was an amazing speaker – probably one of the most under-appreciated minds in the history of the Church. Anyway, I think it is hilarious and want to share it in this thread: Quote:In the summer of 1970 at the age 18, along with 13 other recent high school grads, I was on the work crew for the Hill Cumorah Pageant. He came to speak with the missionaries at the hill, so the work crew were invited to attend. He spoke then opened the time up for questions. One missionary was bold enough to ask about wearing the temple garment ALL hours off the day, regardless of the activity, such as if one was swimming. Elder Hanks caught the real intent of the question and smiled. His reply?
“Wear the uniform best suited for the sport.”
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: I posted this in the thread about the Law of Chastity, but I also want to have it recorded here: Quote:A man walked up to his wife with his hands cupped in front of him and said, “If you can guess what’s in my hands, we’ll have sex.” She smiled and responded, “an elephant.” He opened his hands, revealing nothing there, and said, “Close enough!!”
It’s even funnier when you realize it was told by a General Authority at a meeting for LDS marriage counselors.
Heber, That joke is great! I dare someone to use it as their opening, next time they give a talk.
Ok… Here are some quotes…
Some people hear voices…some see invisible people…others have no imagination whatsoever.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
Took the road less travelled. Now, I’m lost.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
My sources are unreliable but their information is fascinating. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
Life is just a phase you’re going through…you’ll get over it.
The first day in the nudist colony is always the hardest.
(BTW – did you know there is a LDS Skinny Dippers Forum? Sacrament Meeting in the pool – be sure to be undressed right!)
http://www.ldssdf.org/ Cnsl1 wrote:Not really a joke, but I always think it’s really funny when I hear these kinds of words within a closing prayer after an activity: “…and please bless the refreshments that they might nourish and strengthen our bodies,” right before we consume the sugar-filled, fat-laden, calorie-conjested double chocolate frosted brownies.
A whole lot of nourishment going on, I tell ya.
Cnsl1 – It is funny – but happens regularly! Tim Hawkins talked about that too…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgfq0RxIakQ&feature=related And I saved the best for last…
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
Just bumping up this thread so everyone (especially Mike) can read the jokes and be aware of this thread for any more they know or hear. You’re welcome.
🙂 Spinal Tap’s good for quotes, but quite a lot of them aren’t suitable for here. Quote:David St. Hubbins: Well, I’m sure I’d feel much worse if I weren’t under such heavy sedation.
Quote:David St. Hubbins: It’s such a fine line between stupid, and uh…
Nigel Tufnel: Clever.
David St. Hubbins: Yeah, and clever.
Quote:Marty DiBergi: Do you feel that playing rock ‘n’ roll music keeps you a child? That is, keeps you in a state of arrested development?
Derek Smalls: No. No. No. I feel it’s like, it’s more like going, going to a, a national park or something. And there’s, you know, they preserve the moose. And that’s, that’s my childhood up there on stage. That moose, you know.
Marty DiBergi: So when you’re playing you feel like a preserved moose on stage?
Derek Smalls: Yeah.
Quote:[When asked what happened to their first drummer]
David St. Hubbins: He died in a bizarre gardening accident…
Nigel Tufnel: Authorities said… best leave it… unsolved.
Quote:Marty DiBergi: “This tasteless cover is a good indication of the lack of musical invention within. The musical growth of this band cannot even be charted. They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry.”
Nigel Tufnel: That’s just nitpicking, isn’t it?
Quote:Lt. Hookstratten: This is our monthly “At Ease” weekend. It gives us a chance to let our hair down, although I see you’ve got a head start in that department. I shouldn’t talk, though, I’m getting a little shaggy myself. I’d better not stand too close to you, people might think I’m part of the band. I’m joking, of course.
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