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Mormon version… Quote:When I was a child, I used to pray to God each night and ask him to give me a bicycle.
Then I got older and went on a mission…and prayed for a car area.
Real story from Primary last Sunday: Primary President in Sharing Time: “Why did Moses take off his shoes when he came to the burning bush?”
CTR-5: “Cause they were sweaty!”
😆 These are great!A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name? One child answered, “Mary.”
The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?
A little kid said, “Verge.”
Confused, the teacher asked, “Where did you get that?”
The kid said, “Well, you know, they’re always talking about Verge n’Mary.”
Featherina wrote:Verge n’Mary.
😆 😆 :thumbup: I’ll have to ask my kids if they know much about Verge when we do the Nativity this year!
I saw this comic which portrayed Moroni visiting Joseph. Scene (Moroni hovering in the air reading a 3×5 card with Joseph freaked out huddling in the corner)
Quote:“And you shall find the plates wrapped in swaddling clothing laying in a manger….wait a minute this doesn’t sound right…”
The second one depicts Joseph with Moroni going to get the plates
Scene (Moroni looking bewildered while Joseph is in a hole digging; there are thousands of holes dug)
Quote:“Man sorry Joseph, but after a couple thousand years everything looks REALLY different.”
http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/5-boring-webcams-watch-life/ Quote:5 Boring Webcams To Watch If You Have No Life
😆 😆 😆 Watch grass grow! Watch cheese mature! Watch paint peel!
The following are not religious or spiritual in any way, and they highlight my weird sense of humor, but . . . enjoy: Quote:Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables. Get someone else to hold them while you chop.
Quote:Some people are like Slinkies: They aren’t really good for anything, but they make you smile when they are pushed down the stairs.
http://www.equusite.com/articles/games/jokes/jokes1.shtml (Q) Where do most Mormon horses live?
(A) Salt Lick City!
Found this in an article complaining about noise and interuptions in hotels: Quote:Banish your children to the hallways. I would rather gouge my eyes out with a monkey wrench than stay in a hotel on a floor with a youth sports team, who are the worst offenders to this rule. I can deal with people who wake me up, but when you spend hours trying to get small children to bed and then they are roused awake by marauding teens and tweens, living it up on the night before their soccer tournament, it’s hard not to get into a homicidally crazy frame of mind.
I once asked a group of little monsters, who were running up and down the halls knocking on doors at random near midnight, what room their parents were in.
“They’re in there,” one said, pointing to a room down the hall. “But they told us not to come back until twelve.”
Travelers’ kangaroo court verdict: for the parents- sixty days in a North Korean labor camp; for the marauding teens and tweens- sixty days ringing doorbells with the Mormons.
I’m not sure what the kids would find more punishing, getting rejected for 60 days straight or having to follow around strait laced, white handbook following Elders for two months. It gave me the giggles!
😆 This isn’t a joke, per se, but it’s one of the funniest posts I’ve read in a long time: “Roundtable: Mormons and the Zombie Apocalypse”( http://bycommonconsent.com/2012/01/25/roundtable-mormons-the-zombie-apocalypse/ I posted the following in a comment in another thread, but I want to put it here, also – since it really does belong here more than in the other thread:
The funniest cross-stitched pillow I’ve EVER seen – and I can’t fathom seeing a funnier one – is pictured at the end of the post below. Read the post. The pillow won’t make sense if you don’t read the post. (The post and the comments are absolutely hilarious, as well.
“
Balaam’s Butt” ( http://bycommonconsent.com/2010/06/04/balaams-butt/ )That BCC post was brilliant! I know this is very un-pc (and possibly offensive – my apologies), but don’t conjoined (“Siamese”) twins create all kinds of theological dilemmas? What if one wants to get baptised and the other doesn’t?
What if one is temple worthy and the other isn’t? (Presumably they’d BOTH have to get a TR.)
What’s the deal with marriage?
Do they have to pay tithing together?
Do they get given the same calling?
Sorry, it’s kind of wrong to discuss this, but it does raise quite a few questions, a la zombies.
The polls in Nevada will close in a few hours . . . but Newt Gringrich’s marriage will be open all night. 😮 A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So,the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun…. “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00,” he says. This catches the senior’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?” The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it’s the senior’s turn. He asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?” The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, “Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?” The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
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