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How do mormons get things done together? We Kolob-erate.
Yeah I believe each Book of Mormon translation is a Koloboration… I heard this one in sacrament meetings last week…loved it…having it told in front of the bishopric made it even funnier… Quote:A young boy hands the bishop a small envelope filled with a couple dollars and some change.
Wanting to use this as a teaching moment, the bishop smiles, shakes the boys hand, looks him in the eye, and tells the boy: “Thank you. But you need to use this slip and indicate if this money should go towards tithing, or fast offering for the poor and needy, or other church needs so the Church knows how to use this money.”
The boy shakes his head, “No bishop…this money is for you.”
The bishop is unsure the boy understands, and asks: “You mean this money is for the Church, for the Lord, right?”
The boy shakes his head again, and replies: “No. This is for you.”
The bishop is now perplexed, and asks: “Why is this for me?”
The boy shrugs his shoulders, and says, “My dad says your one of the poorest bishops we’ve ever had.”
:angel: Not a classic joke, but very funny: One of the speakers on Father’s Day this past Sunday said:
Quote:“When the Bishop asked me to speak today about my father, I didn’t want to do it . . . but look at him! How can you say No to such a cute little face?”
Our Bishop is a wonderful, humble, generous man – but he also is a retired military commander and pilot. I’m not sure his face has ever been described in those exact words before last Sunday.
😮 😆 Okay so there have been different version of this story/joke. I’ll use the one that is more clean. Years ago a large house was built on a hill. Years later smaller houses were built below the hill. The community below the hill began trading stories about the house on the hill. Many believed it was haunted.
One day a young family moved into this old house that might be haunted. There was a man a woman and a little boy.
One day the parents wanted to go out so they hired a young babysitter to take care of their child.
When the babysitter went up to the house she was a little frightened for reasons that she heard that the house might be haunted.
The babysitter was told that the young boy was in his room taking a nap but he might wake up in a few hours.
The parents left leaving the care of their child with the babysitter.
The babysitter sat quietly in a dining room reading a book.
After about 20 minutes she heard a strange bumping sound from the floor just above her.
She heard a muffled voice say… ” I gotcha where I want ya now I’m gonna eat ya!”
The babysitter scared shot up and began to run for the door. Then she stopped and thought about the kid she was supposed to take care of. She thought to herself ” I need find the kid and get out of here!!”
The babysitter began to climb the stairs to the upper floor. She heard the voice a little louder ” I gotcha where I want ya now I’m gonna eat ya!”
She saw a room with pictures of little lions on it. She thought for sure this would be the room where the kid was sleeping.
She began to heard the nob and she heard yet again ” I gotcha where I want ya now I’m gonna eat ya!”
Scared she quickly opened up the door and saw that it was a room meant for a little boy. Toys and a small teddy bear was on the floor. She looked in the bed and saw that the boy was missing. She heard the voice ” I gotcha where I want ya now I’m gonna eat ya!”
This time she realized that the voice was coming from a closet in the boys room. She placed her hand on the door knob and she heard the voice again ” I gotcha where I want ya now I’m gonna eat ya!”
With her entire body shaking she opened the closet door and she saw…
The young boy with a box of animal crackers. He reached into the box and pulled out a little elephant cracker. He then said ” I gotcha where I want ya now I’m gonna eat ya!”
If you watch the movie 127 hours backwards… Its an inspiring story of an amputee that finds an arm in the desert.
:eh: Heber13 wrote:If you watch the movie 127 hours backwards…
Its an inspiring story of an amputee that finds an arm in the desert.
:eh:
😆 Kindof like watching Jaws backwards… a shark throws up a few people & as a result a beach is created.Wow, Heber. That’s all.
Old-Timer wrote:Wow, Heber.
That’s all.
Didn’t like that one? When I get in a dark place in life, my humor gets dark too😳 Actually, I did like it – which says something about my own sense of humor. This one is one that makes me duck and run for cover whenever I tell it with a woman around. Luckily, everyone who knows me knows I’m not serious about it:
Quote:When you watch Cinderella backwards, it’s about a princess who finally learns that her place is in the house cleaning and cooking for her family.
😈 My youngest daughter is sitting next to me as I type, and my arm now is sore from the pounding she just gave it.
:clap: 😆 Old-Timer wrote:
My youngest daughter is sitting next to me as I type, and my arm now is sore from the pounding she just gave it.:clap:
your daughter has a tough job keeping you in line, huh?Yeah, like mother, like daughter. 😳 She was reading some of the jokes in this thread. 10-years old and understands most of them. I’m losing my hair a little faster because of that girl, and what’s not disappearing is turning gray.
🙄 Q. Did you hear about the cow that tried to jump over a barbed-wire fence? A. Udder destruction!
turinturambar wrote:Q. Did you hear about the cow that tried to jump over a barbed-wire fence?
A. Udder destruction!
😆 “Our meetings are held to discuss many problems which would never arise if we held fewer meetings.”
“When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”
“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” -Paula Poundstone
“There’s nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child.” -Frank Clark
Featherina wrote:
“There’s nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child.” -Frank ClarkI was that inquisitive child. Who at the age of 5-8 was reading books meant for way older people in Paleontology. That caused me to ask my father these questions after a hard days work for him at the dinner table:
Dad, do dinosaurs have spirits? When I die will god allow me to keep them, as pets? Dad, will the t-rex and triceratops get along in heaven? Dad, will they eat my dog “wolfy” in heaven? Dad, if we can’t be cremated, does that mean the dinosaurs that got cremated in the Chicxulub crater won’t have a resurrected body in heaven? The look on my fathers face at the time told me he had never contemplated those questions before.
😆
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