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After the afternoon session today I got a call from a counselor in the bishopric wondering if he could come visit me. I thought at first I had come to the top of the “rescue” list again (I must be getting up there) but then I thought it was too short a notice for that because he wanted to come then. It had to be a calling, I thought. Maybe I was inspired. Turns out he did indeed come to extend a calling in the family history center. It took a whole lot for me to not be rude and say what I really thought, but I simply said “no” and left it at that. He started in with the “well, I was assigned to extend this calling…” but I cut him off with “You can return and report that you did your part” and he left. He was here less than five minutes and it took him 15 to get here from the church. Really, the bishop has talked to me once (not counting coridialities in the rare instances we meet socially) in the last 10 years (he was a counselor in the last bishopric), and has basically shown no interest in me at all otherwise. The current family history center guy was recently called into the stake presidency leaving a hole there. I don’t believe for a second that God inspired anyone that a call there was good for me – I’m really not into family history at all. They were really looking for someone with enough tech savvy to do the thing and they’re desperate because despite the fact we have a major tech industry within our ward boundaries, our aging ward tends to be fairly technically illiterate. It makes me mad that they only came here because they wanted something. I’ll stew and get over this, but right now I’m a bit pissed.
They had a need and thought of you. You are mad at that? You are mad that they haven’t thought of you for 10 years and now did?
Methinks they are in a no-win situation if you are going to be mad at them if they don’t think about you AND mad at them if they do think of you.
Just saying.
I’ve been a Family History Coordinator in our ward for the past year & really like it. (I’m surprised by the “like it” part.)
It’s one of those callings you can do on your own time with little or no interference.
I can understand how some may not like it though. It’s not for everyone.
It has helped me to identify family members that I never knew existed before.
Old-Timer wrote:They had a need and thought of you. You are mad at that?
You are mad that they haven’t thought of you for 10 years and now did?
Methinks they are in a no-win situation if you are going to be mad at them if they don’t think about you AND mad at them if they do think of you.
Just saying.
I didn’t mean to imply that. I certainly would have liked more contact by the church than I have had, especially recently, I don’t like that they only came because they want something from me, not because they want to show me they care. Maybe I’d be willing to give a bit more if I thought they cared a bit more. Asking me to do something clearly uninspired doesn’t show they care, it shows me they want to take advantage.
I am of the general opinion that the church always asks for more than it gives.
And it wasn’t coordinator, Mike, it’s a worker position. They want somebody to sit in there on Wednesday nights and help them with the tech and to do their research. Not my cup of tea at all. The coordinator is actually unable to do that because he is doesn’t know the technology or how to use it.
DarkJedi, you said: Quote:And it wasn’t coordinator, Mike, it’s a worker position. They want somebody to sit in there on Wednesday nights and help them with the tech and to do their research. Not my cup of tea at all. The coordinator is actually unable to do that because he is doesn’t know the technology or how to use it.
I think I do that too on a 3 hour shift at our library. We help with the equipment, Family Search software & research through the records available. We do indexing & assist with youth trips to the temple (when asked). I won’t do the work (genealogy) for them.
I will try to show them what I’ve learned.
I understand what you are saying, friend, and I’m not saying you need to or should accept this calling, but . . . I really do think you are putting them in an impossible situation. If they come due to a need, they are using you and don’t care about you; if they send someone to “rescue” you, they are just following a program and don’t care about you; if they leave you alone, they don’t care about you; if they . . . fill in the blank and they don’t care about you. No matter what they try, there is a ready reason they are doing the wrong thing and don’t care about you.
Have you considered the idea that they might have had a need and said, “Who would be best in this position, especially someone who hasn’t been with us for a while? Hey, what about Dark Jedi? This might be perfect for him – something that won’t require he attend church on Sunday but something he can do without stress. We don’t want to be overbearing and offensive. Let’s ask him if he would be willing to do this.”
It might not have been like that, but it might have been like that. If it was, as gently as I can say this, who is in the wrong in the overall scenario – them for having the audacity to ask or you for being angry that they asked?
I know your heart a bit, and I’m surprised that this offends and angers you. Even if you don’t accept the calling, I have a hard time believing anger over the request is productive, healthy or “good” in any way whatsoever.
I think you’re generalizing a bit too much, Ray. I’d really like more contact with the church that isn’t me calling them. I’d like a home teacher that comes more than 4 times in 2 years (next month I will have had my current HT 2 years). I’d really like it if the bishop (whom I have only one formal interview with – a rescue attempt at a time when I was nearly atheistic) would come by or invite me in and talk about my doubts – my attitude has changed considerably but he doesn’t know that. By the way, on the rescue visit he asked if he could stop by once in awhile and I consented. I think that was about 4 years ago. I have never asked to be left alone, although I did ask not to have a calling and not to be assigned to HT (previous bishop, but the counselor who came today was in that bishopric, too). There are some callings which I might have considered – certainly not this one. I’ve known this bishop all the 24 years I have lived here – he is well aware that family history is not my thing. I honestly don’t think there was a conversation about who might be best or that this might be non-threatening to me, I think it is a matter of desperation. If I thought there was some inspiration involved, I might consider it – there is no indication from anyone nor any spiritual indication to me that such is the case. I have had no qualms saying here that I believe the bishop to be uninspired. Simple fact is, were he inspired he would know what I desire because God knows – unless God does not hear and answer prayers.
I do agree that anger is non-productive. The anger is temporary, and it’s not the anger that’s the problem it’s how it’s dealt with. Venting here is much better than the alternative.
Quote:I’ve known this bishop all the 24 years I have lived here – he is well aware that family history is not my thing.
Yeah, that changes the story in a significant way.
Venting here is much more productive than elsewhere. It’s part of why we are here – but it’s always about, ideally, this sort of give and take that gets to the heart of it all.
Finally, fwiw, I don’t care much about whether or not most callings are inspired – and you didn’t say it was presented that way in the post. If he had said, “The Bishop has been inspired to ask you to do this,” that also would have changed my response. If we only served where we want to serve, there would be a whole lot that simply wouldn’t get done – and some of it would be important stuff.
DarkJedi – I don’t want to insert myself too much into this thread, but as a pianist 90% of my callings haven’t been “inspired” in the way people use that word. Given all the details of your situation, I can see where your reaction is coming from, though. You both are right in that this calling was not presented as inspired, and it clearly (to me at least) wasn’t. My experience with callings is that they usually are presented as inspired, but I also fully understand, Ann, that in a ward like ours where you would be one of three or four people who play the piano, most of your callings would likely be not inspired and you’d likely not be RSP or PP. And I have been stuck on the whole inspired thing, that was (is) part of my faith crisis. Just knowing that this calling was not inspired and not even presented as such actually makes the whole thing a bit worse. That’s partly what makes me mad about it. If it were inspired and was presented as such, I would have considered it. Thing is, there is likely a calling in the ward or stake I would accept – if I believed or felt it was inspired. A part of my rebuilding of faith though has been the realization that almost none are, and that’s sad for an organization that prides itself on revelation.
So today I do feel better – almost everything is better the next day. I am not angry anymore, that was just the initial flush that came. Now I wonder if I did myself more harm than good by just flat out refusing without explanation. The counselor didn’t ask for one, but I didn’t offer, either, despite the fact that I had rehearsed a “you’ll need to do better than that” response in the past for just such situations. It did catch me off guard, and the anger did get in the way, however. So now he can do as I told hm and return and report and they can all brushoff their hands and say “well, we tried” and not have to think about me again for awhile. Quote:So now he can do as I told hm and return and report and they can all brushoff their hands and say “well, we tried” and not have to think about me again for awhile.
Sincere question, not knowing the answer:
Do you want that?
Having been a fan of your posts in the time I have spent on here, I appreciate you posting this. I have noticed a recent trend where you have stated you would like more contact. From your initial post, it sounds like the gentleman came (drove 15 minutes) and was a little hesitant, and if he wasn’t before, he left with that hesitancy. I think you may have missed a great opportunity and I don’t mean by accepting the calling. It was an opportunity for you to communicate what you would do in the church or not do in the church. Granted, I can see why you were a little upset. I am one who doesn’t call or visit to just chat and if someone stops by to do just that I feel like a “project” because that is not what I like to do. I guess what I am saying if I was the bishop, the only time I would come talk to you is when I had a defined reason, I wouldn’t want to waste your time. (This is one of the reasons I never want to be a leader as I know I would drive people away.) That said, I think Ray has hit nail on the head. What do you want going forward? (Or as one of my all time favorite quotes from Disney “It doesn’t matter, it is in the past… the past can hurt… So what are you going to do?”) To me this can be an opportunity to open dialog. (Albeit a shaky start.) Depending on what you want, I bet they think the ball is in your court.
As for HT, I think most of us have been in the church long enough to know that it is rare to get home teachers that come and even more rare to have HTers that come to families that actually want them to come.
Old-Timer wrote:Quote:So now he can do as I told hm and return and report and they can all brushoff their hands and say “well, we tried” and not have to think about me again for awhile.
Sincere question, not knowing the answer:
Do you want that?
Not particularly, no. I did set up that scenario, though by not carrying on a dialogue. Actually, as Oneofmany points out, I’m not sure he wanted a dialogue and I’m not sure the outcome would be different if I had explained, even if that explanation was as simple as “I’m not into family history” or “That’s not the kind of thing I think I would be comfortable doing.”
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