Just Excommunicated.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had similar experiences with feeling my reputation destroyed, ostracized by members of the Church etecetera, except not related to transgression. And I recognize that my experiences pale in comparison to yours — but here they are.

One was when I asked to be released from a calling recently, and they dragged their feet while I suffered with various personal and health issues in the calling. I stopped functioning toward the end, and now, the stalwhart members treat me differently. I’m part of an out-group now, and my wife no longer feels part of the circle of stalwhart friends she used to be part of her.

There time was when a girl waited for me on my mission, and when I got home, I broke up with her. The women in the ward were really vindictive, as well as some of the male friends of my ex-girlfriend. One person said they wondered “who this demon SilentDawning was” and then met me and found I was OK. And everyone knew about it.

So, how do you deal with this?

1. You will probably have meetings with your Bishop or SP. I would suggest asking if you could attend a different Ward until you get your blessings back due to the feelings you have about everyone knowing. See what he says.

2. After you get your blessings back sufficient to hold a calling, consider moving to a different Stake. It’s amazing how a new Stake or Ward in a new Stake will make the whole Church thing alive. You can start fresh and be your old self again, unfettered by this harrowing experience and its fallout.

3. Ask the SP if the notes follow you throughout the rest of your life, or if they stay in the Stake. Ask about security of the information, and let him know that the belief you have that the Church does not forget is bothering you. Couch the language in respect for the excommunication decision, as you have here, but express your concerns and ask him to address them candidly.

4. Try to curb the bitterness. I struggle with it myself, and get tired of the standard answers about bitterness etcetera. For me, it’s just hard not to feel bitter when things I object to happen. But in the long run, it’s better for you to get your blessings back, and not to let the understable impulses of bitterness interfere with your repentence process. You’ll be happier and will feel better without bitterness, that’s for sure.

Anyway, I feel for you on this, and I empathsize with your concerns completely.

I hope you check back with us as this unfolds in case you have questions or just want to share comments.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry to hear about what must have been a very painful experience for you. I recently struggled in a confession with my bishop. I know the pain of facing others and confessing. I also know that by doing this shows you truly felt you needed to do so. You took steps towards forgiveness that you obviously felt were necessary. You made the choice and should feel good about your personal effort to do what you felt was best for you. Because in the end, isn’t this about your eternal and spiritual journey?

I feel that the most important thing is to realize no one is perfect. Life is about learning. We all make mistakes and commit sins. I find the hardest thing to do is forgive myself. Don’t let life’s obstacles keep you down. No one has a right to judge you. If heaven/eternity was for the non-sinner it would be (almost) empty. Don’t forget Christ’s “Cast the first stone” lesson. Remember, it is wrong, WRONG, wrong, for any of those involved in your confession to gossip. It shows lack of decency on the part of anyone that does. It is also against the teachings that those who do it profess to believe in. I wouldn’t worry too much about what others think. (Though easier said than done.) There is plenty of forgiveness for you to receive from God.

Thank you for sharing. God Bless.

[Author]

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