Latest hare-brained scheme: faith crisis counseling

[Anonymous]

Wise words Roy. We want to do good and help others, but these efforts can make it even harder on ourselves. Best of luck Ruben. I can tell your heart is in a good place. Maybe even if it does not get adopted, it may help tune the bishop and others to be more sympathetic to those going through a faith crisis.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, Roy. I’ll reply to your caution when I have more time.

I’ve updated the proposal to implement everyone’s suggestions, because they were all good – but especially subsuming the program under home teaching and visiting teaching. Now “faith crisis consultants” are current or potential home teachers and visiting teachers who assist the bishop in ministering to members who experience a faith crisis and their families. That required a few big structural changes, but I like the result a lot.

[Anonymous]

Reuben – Thanks for trying this, however it comes out (and I for one am hoping for good). I know LH referenced some one else trying it – that tells me that the need exists, whether leadership wants to acknowledge it or not. (And I am not surprised by the need or the leadership).

I have lived my entire life in the church and I have seen change. It is a slow process but it does happen. From what I have seen it takes lots of little individual successes for the top leadership to suddenly say “Hey, you know what….”

Keep us updated as you go. Good days and bad.

I am cheering for you.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much, mom3. It means a lot.

I’m going to run it by my apostate brother, and then start on the bishopric. Fun times!

[Anonymous]

Roy wrote:

On the other hand I caution you against caring too much. I have seen people do much good as change agents in the church but ultimately they get shut down, isolated, and ostracized by the church (officially and unofficially). I worry that if you invest too much of yourself that it will feel like a personal rejection if it gets shut down. Part of what helps me to StayLDS is limiting my investment to what I feel are sustainable levels and the other part is managing my expectations for the church. I know that sounds like a Debbie Downer….just be careful with your heart.

I understand. Thanks for this.

Starting last week, this project began to feel urgent, to the point where it was interfering with my work. I didn’t really understand why until a couple of days ago, when I learned that the brain reacts to rejection by one’s tribe as if it’s physical pain or bereavement. I’m not saying I feel rejected per se – I actually have great relationships with the people in my ward – but I don’t feel like I have much of anywhere to fit in anymore. It wouldn’t be good for me to teach or lead. I can’t turn down too many callings the bishopric feels I’m a perfect fit for before suspicion sets in, and I can’t keep blaming depression when I’m obviously already happier and more energetic. I won’t lie, so I’d have to come out – so possible rejection is coming up soon.

This, though, would be a perfect way to fit in. And if it’s rejected, it at least lets me frame my coming out, if that’s what I want to do. I’m not sure what I would do in the short term if it’s rejected, though – probably come up with another hare-brained scheme.

[Anonymous]

I read this over again in detail. This is very well written, and full of insights. It oozes intelligence and sensitivity.

I actually felt some touching emotion as I read it. I had experienced so much of the wrong kinds of couseling, the kindness your piece exudes is moving.

I thought the advice to all groups was very good. I am not sure how a Bishop would accept it, as it is not orthodox (would you expect it to be?).

I really like Roy’s advice above. I too have learned not to get too invested in changing or even helping the church with ideas that are not mainstream — there many layers of bureaucracy, and many layers of opinion for most ideas to get through. But if you are prepared to accept that (or potentially, surprise the heck out of me and have raging success), then I say go for it. You seem passionate about it and it may get you through. I believe in galvanizing passion.

I do think that the advice is very good. At a minimum, if you can get the Bishops and SP’s to read it, the advice may help them in their own counseling sessions. I also think that StayLDS provides the perfect environment for such counseling. Here, there are no judges in Israel — there is a large amount of anonyminity, there are a lot of people who have trodden the weary path. There is support for activity, and caution against anti-Mormon activity, and encouragement of family support. You can be completely authentic — not just with one person, but with many. For me, it’s the perfect environment for faith crisies.

I also think your write-up could be considered as part of the essays listed here on StayLDS after you have tried the local route. You probably don’t want them searching the internet and finding it here while considering implementation. But if for some reason, it reaches a dead end locally, it could help many people searching here — leaders and people in crisis alike.

[Anonymous]

Very good self introspection. It helps just a little bit to know WHY you are feeling something.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for giving it a thorough examination, SD. What you say helps me be confident I’m proposing the right thing, whether it’s accepted or not. And thanks to you (and to you too, LH, if I remember right) for suggesting working it into the HT/VT program. That alone was worth the price of admission here.

I just emailed a PDF copy to our Givens-loving, in-group-out-group-boundary-disliking, very empathetic counselor in the bishopric, framing it as the result of trying to understand what happened to my siblings. I just didn’t say it wasn’t exclusively a result of that…

Fingers crossed, happy thoughts. Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

[Anonymous]

Reuben, I’m sorry I didn’t get back sooner. I agree with everything that was posted.

On behalf of this “member” that has gone through a FC, Thank you. It is a very noble gesture.

Be prepared. This is an organization that expects solutions to come from the top down.

Rarely is it accepted in the other direction. (rank & file to the leadership)

What is your expectation from here on?

Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t participated here because what I would say has been said. I wholeheartedly agree with what MM says. I appreciate your effort, but I have the same reservation as others – I don’t think it will get through the ceiling (which can be as low as your bishop).

[Anonymous]

Thanks, MM and DJ. MM, I’m trying to not have any expectations.

I now have good reason to believe the ceiling is no lower than the bishop, and I have an ally to help me push it upward. I just got a reply from one of his counselors that says this:

Quote:

So many of my friends and family have left the church after experiencing a crisis of faith that I am convinced nothing could be more poignant or needed than what you are proposing.

I’m cautiously optimistic. Feel free to remain cautiously pessimistic to keep from being disappointed. I’m excited to see how high the ceiling can go around here.

[Anonymous]

Reuben,

This is so thoughtful and well-written. It’s anything but a hare-brained scheme! Dare I even say that it is inspired?

Thank you for sharing this! I’m pulling for you and hope this works in your ward.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Anonymous]

FaithfulSkeptic wrote:

This is so thoughtful and well-written. It’s anything but a hare-brained scheme! Dare I even say that it is inspired?

Thank you for sharing this! I’m pulling for you and hope this works in your ward.

You’re welcome, and thank you!

Update: My bishopric counselor read it and loves it. He gave a lot of great feedback, most having to do with wording and presentation that should help avoid retrenchment. He’s already thinking of people that can help, and wants to present it to the bishopric. He’s mentioned twice now how the best programs in the Church came from the rank and file. He’s all in.

I remembered this week that I know for a fact that someone recently passed a Melchizedek Priesthood interview with both our bishop and stake president with explicit nonliteral belief. (He withdrew for unrelated reasons.)

With the evidence at hand, I’m downgrading caution and upgrading optimism.

[Anonymous]

Good for you. I hope you can make this go somewhere.

I recently switched wards and am meeting with my bishop regularly and think I’m going to be more open with him about where I stand. He doesn’t seem like the critical, judgemental type.

[Anonymous]

I really hope that works out for you. Good luck!

An update: the latest proposal is in the bishop and other counselor’s email inbox, as of an hour ago. The suggested next step is to have me meet with the bishopric to discuss it.

All fingers crossed.

[Author]

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