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I have a question for all of you. What are your thoughts on comprehensive sex education is it relates to the law of chastity? I realize that the church isn’t supposed to give lessons on comprehensive sex education, but too often it seems like sex so taboo, even though the law of chastity says sex between husband and wife is good. I mean that church seems to dwell too much on the seriousness of sexual sins. Even comments made in the book The Miracle of Forgiveness don’t help. What are your thoughts on this subject? I haven’t figured this one out yet. My kids are still very young. I really want to emphasize waiting from a positive outlook, so as not to trap them into feeling guilty about sex even after marriage. Seems like that is a common issue. I am also concerned about teaching then about the importance of protection without seeming like I am advocating sex before marriage. I think it is a fine line though.
I’ve mentioned in other threads that I had an awesome Bishop who taught teens that sex was a great thing, something to look forward to. He asked us to imagine the most delicious meal. Enjoyable, satisfying, good to share… Marriage was like blessing the food. Until it’s blessed, don’t partake, once it’s blessed get stuck in and enjoy yourself. And don’t feel bad if you’re looking forward to it.
Before marriage he’d also have a meeting with the engaged couple and teach principles about consideration, respect for boundaries and mutual care/satisfaction (as well as the need for the husband to have respect after childbirth).
I think church should get out of the sex business altogether. We (the LDS church) have an unhealthy obsession with sex and modesty, IMO.
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Quote:What are your thoughts on comprehensive sex education is it relates to the law of chastity? I
We got very detailed sex ed at school, even fiber optic cameras up people’s urethras,
😯 However, like our drug education, I know for a fact a number of girls got pregnant and people got STDs etc, so knowing about something is not necessarily going to stop mistakes and worse.
I agree with Cwald. I think a group of repressed people are not well equipped to deal with these discussions. BTW CWald…love the sig quote about church and have shared it with a few. Who is Robert Kirby?
So far there are some good comments are here. Sorry I posted this is Support instead of in another section. I wasn’t paying attention where I posted it. Quote:Who is Robert Kirby?
a humor columnist in Utah who is hilarious – kind of the Mormon Dave Barry
Ilovechrist77 wrote:I have a question for all of you. What are your thoughts on comprehensive sex education is it relates to the law of chastity? I realize that the church isn’t supposed to give lessons on comprehensive sex education, but
too often it seems like sex so taboo, even though the law of chastity says sex between husband and wife is good. I mean that church seems to dwell too much on the seriousness of sexual sins. Even comments made in the book The Miracle of Forgiveness don’t help.What are your thoughts on this subject? I definitely think the Puritan/Victorian style shame and obsession attached to supposed sexual sins like porn, masturbation, and pre-marital sex have done more harm than good overall. It is a classic example of good intentions gone wrong in practice. I’m sure most Church leaders think that acting like all these sexual “sins” are extremely serious will help prevent Church members from sinning or get them to successfully repent permanently and thereby avoid guilt, heartache, and potential eternal condemnation as if it is already a given fact that these results should automatically be the expected consequences of sexual sins. How do we know that most negative feelings related to these “sins” aren’t primarily caused by unreasonable expectations and outdated cultural conditioning? Maybe in reality all this fear, guilt, and shame is not actually justified or necessary in many cases nowadays.
What Church leaders don’t seem to realize is that this strict and uncompromising approach simply does not prevent or permanently stop these “sins” nearly as much as they probably expect or how many unintended side-effects there are where this could easily contribute to less than ideal results that will linger long after the supposed sins are no longer relevant. For example, I see 16-18 year old girls getting pregnant where some of the complete denial and unrealistic expectations that strict abstinence is the only acceptable option absolutely did not help the situation at all because no one wanted to plan on the possibility that this can and does happen all the time. I see people get married before they really should or to someone that is clearly not the best possible match for them apparently because they can’t wait to have sex or else they already did and are then trying to make it right the only way they have been told they can and sure enough they usually end up divorced within a few years. Meanwhile I see people that lived together before getting married that are still married 15-20 years later, so which is really worse if you honestly look at the long term results on average instead of starting with the answer you want to find?
I see active LDS women over 40 that are divorced or single remain alone year after year apparently because they are holding out for Mr. Right and I can’t help but wonder if they wouldn’t have been better served with a more relaxed attitude about dating instead of all the dead seriousness and heavy-handed notions about the supposed eternal consequences of everything. I also think some of the extreme awkwardness and ignorance about sex directly contributes to higher levels of sexual dysfunction and dissatisfaction among many devout Mormons even after they are married. My guess is that the percentage of active LDS women that have rarely or never had an orgasm has to be significantly higher than average. I know there are many if not the majority of active members that have survived or gotten past all of this relatively unscathed and without many regrets but I just think that if Church leaders had said almost nothing about sex so far instead of making all the specific comments they already have then Church members would typically be happier and healthier on average than what we currently see.
I am in favor of good, clinical, age-appropriate sex education – outside of the Church. I am in favor of teaching the Law of Chastity in church but teaching the temple version and teaching why in a positive-focused way.
I do believe that mairtal fiedlity leads to a higher fulness of happiness. I also believe that, at best, p0rn generally leads to hurt feelings when a wife finds a husband partakes(interestingly I don’t think a lot of men would be nearly as upset if they found out their wives partook) and MAY lead to divorce, potential addiction and infeidelity when left unchecked. I also know that many people who “got around a bit” as teenagers, many of whom served with me on my mission, are now active, happily married, Mitt loving, right wing mormons….with “regrets…wink wink”. To be honest I have to think….is it really that horrible? Would we be better of explaining the benefits of good behaviour, and being understanding and talking to our kids when biology takes over, rather than weeping uncontrolably because we have been taught their eternal souls now hang by a thread. I followed the party line and I have kids who don’t go…mostly because of this issue…I would do it differently if Ihad the chance (the oldest of parents laments).
This also brings up a sore sport for me….the whole “ya screwed up sexually a few times so no mission for you” rule. This has always seemed so opposite of what repentence is supposed to be….and I knew lots of good missionaries who were quite wild in their mid-teens (most from Utah)…and some not good missionaries who never done anything mom and dad wouldn’t have approved of.
So…church, teach the gospel, let God work out the punishment. Lets spread the good news, lets teach principals that lead to happiness and lets be understanding and realize nobody is perfect and we will all sin in different ways and as Pres Uchtdorf (sp?) says “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you do”. Mom, Dad, talk to your kids, lets be open and honest about it all, lets also explain the physical, emotional and spiritual results that can occur from various …then we can govern ourselves.
The following are links to posts I’ve written on my personal blog about chastity that also deal in some way with how I believe it should be taught: We Can’t Teach “Abstinence Only”( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2011/04/we-cant-teach-abstinence-only.html Unrealistic Expectations: Chastity( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2009/11/unrealistic-expectations-chastity.html The Religious Foundation of Chastity( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2009/03/religious-foundation-of-chastity.html Seems like the Book of Mormon sets the stage and tone for the church’s great degree of involvement in sexual matters. Those are excellent blogs, Ray. Thanks. johnh wrote:
as Pres Uchtdorf (sp?) says “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you do”
I love his talks. An olive branch.
Do you know where this is from? I’d love to add it to my list of ‘handy quotes.’
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