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In general I just want a discussion about LDS weddings. Like what you like, what you don’t like, how things could be different. From anybody’s standpoint, those with all mormon families, living in the Mormon belt to those who are the only members in their family and every where in between.
I bring up this topic here, because I am just a little frustrated as a Bride-to-be, going through all these logistics.
1) I wish I didn’t use the Stake Center, right about now, I wish I had gotten someplace else, and kept the Guest list small.
2) I wish the ward was a little more organized when it dealt with things like this. No offense to the kind relief society sisters, and the Bishop. But weddings are heck. It would be nice to have something like an inbred wedding planning council (weather for reception stuff, or for civil ceremony and reception) like the quakers have. Oh how I would have loved it if it was all organized, and the information was there in a notebook. Right now I would compile that notebook, but I don’t want to hear about weddings till my own children get married.
3) I wish the ward didn’t get involved until asked. Everybody jumps straight to it, and it all gets confusing as to who is going to do what. This ties well into the organizational thing for me. If we where more organized in each ward and stake for holding receptions in the stake center, then the Sisters don’t need to go all out and saying “Oh we can help”, It can be more like “If you want to do it at the stake center, these are numbers of people, and this is usually what it costs to do a reception as far as decorating goes, and here are numbers of people in the stake who are willing to do things like cater, flowers, decorations”….That would help!
Though I only have a few weeks till my wedding and reception, I am kicking myself for not being more organized. All I know is that I can’t repeat it.
Maybe all this topic is, is a place to commiserate. Unless I am the only young 22 year old, bride-to-be on this site, then, nevermind.
I held mine at a rented hall and my in-laws organized everything. I don’t regret it. We had full control over everything. I don’t think the Church should be in the business or organizing weddings, though — as you say — unless asked. It’s kind of like the assumption everyone makes that the priesthood should be available on a week’s notice to help everyone under the sun move. Like you, it would be better if they didn’t make the assumption.
We are having a wedding in our Ward — the people are asking for help, so we are giving it, which is the way I think it should be…
Now, couples getting married certainly is consistent with the mission of the Church — building strong families that will perpetuate the values and fuel population growth (sorry for the bit of cynicism there), so I think they should make the chapel available pending scheduling if people WANT it there to save coin, but I don’t think it should be expected that everyone should hold their wedding there, unless they want to!
I haven’t been to a Jewish wedding, but if LDS wedding receptions were as organized as Jewish Bar-Mitzvahs, then we would be in bliss. Jewish Bar-Mitvahs are highly organized and very nicely done. Yeah there is probably money involved, but hey what a great production, great food, music, entertainment, and organization. Everyone is so happy. I think there are things to be admired about LDS weddings. Culturally it is acceptable to have frugal weddings, whereas many outside the church seem to spend exorbitant sums. Being that I am bizarrely frugal by nature, this was a perfect fit for me. P.S. A central part of the movie Orgazmo was that an LDS Missionary goes into the porn industry to earn enough money to get married in the SLC temple, it turns out that there is no charge to get married in any of the temples (unless you count tithing or the marriage license).
jwald and I was just talking about this with our oldest daughter. I suppose at the time I thought my wedding was perfect, because I didn’t even know there was a choice or options. We were expected to get married in the temple and have a reception in the church building, and we did. 20 years later – I have an entirely different perspective. i don’t remember the wedding, I never knew who performed it, I didn’t get to say anything during it, I had family members who were not “worthy” to attend. the reception was bland and not note worthy or special in any way. On my perfect planet, the church will not be in the marriage business. Only sealings will be done in the temple. Ideally, weddings will happen in well landscaped backyards and old catholic churches, and there will be live music, dancing, and beer.
You know what my solution is for when it comes to having parents and other family not be “worthy” to go to their kids wedding…. My daughter hasn’t given up on the whole temple wedding thing just yet, but she has decided that it’s not really important to her, and if she finds a guy who insists and wants a temple wedding, that either both sets of parents attend the temple ceremony, or none of them do. So pretty well she is saying that she very well might do the temple wedding thing, but in order to stop the shame and guilt about not being able to attend family weddings in the temple —
no one is going to be invited.It will just be the two of them. That actually makes sense to me.
I am glad we had an option to have the reception in a church cultural hall, since we literally had NO money to spare – and neither did our parents. We didn’t end up having it there, since her dad worked at BYU and was able to arrange to use a large room there – but I’m glad the option was there for us. Our wards didn’t get involved much, if at all (can’t remember much about the details).
Do what is best for the two of you – and don’t second guess it (or pre-guess it). There is no “perfect” option for most couples, so you do whatever seems best at the time.
We were married in the temple. We attempted a ring ceremony afterward and it was crushed/cancelled at the last second (literally, we were about to walk out and start). That left out the vast majority of people who showed up… AWKWARD… We held our reception at my parents house (more like an open house), and spent a minimal amount on a caterer to provide snacks (not a full meal).
We’re still all about the frugal!
It’s your special day though, so you should do it how you want. It’s a LOT of stress though. I totally understand.
Okay well, now that I’ve been married two months, and did the Temple first, then reception. So. Glad. It’s. Over.
Really. I think my perception on it, is that I did as a promise to myself. I promised myself that I want to get married in the Temple, and only the temple. My husbands uncle, and my uncle where the witnesses. And his aunt and my grandma got to sit in the mother’s chair.
I think the sealing was very good, (well except the part where I wanted very much to roll my eyes).
Other then that, I think this conversation is about done.
I think it would be okay if the administration locked this one.
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