Learning to feel loved by God

[Anonymous]

I have been embarking on a new “experiment” in my life and was wondering if any of you have engaged in something similar or have any thoughts to share on the subject. Because of church and family influences in my youth I have always pictured my Heavenly Father as a very strict, authoritarian ruler who is just waiting for me to slip up so He can punish me. Combined with some slight perfectionistic tendencies that are part of my personality, these warped perspectives about who God is have really driven my lifestyle choices. As long as I am on track with paying my tithing, wearing myself out in good works, attending the temple, and doing all that I think I “should” be doing, I am pretty comfortable with the idea that I am “acceptable” to the Lord.

However, over the last couple of years, through study and other experiences, I have felt that perhaps my idea of who God really is has not been correct. I think of the Prodigal Son and how the father runs to the field to greet his very imperfect and struggling child…I think of the woman at the well…I think of the woman taken in adultery. All of these people were loved–even though they weren’t where they were “supposed” to be.

I have come to think that maybe what God cares about most is that I :

1. Seek Him 2. Am honest with Him 3. Keep trying

I want to serve in my calling because I love Him and want to “give back” to Him. I want to attend the temple for the same reason…so I can feel close to Him…I want to do the “right things” for the “right reason” and I am not sure I have always done that. I think I have done the mormon “checklist” so I can feel good about myself and have some sort of “external” proof that I am worthy of His love.

So, I decided for July and August, I am just going to concentrate on feeling the love of the Lord by reading His word, engaging in passionate prayer, and then not worrying about any of my “checklists”. If I don’t go to the temple will He still love me? If I don’t pay my tithing or attend my meetings, will He still love me?

I know that, intellectually, the answer to that is “YES”…that He will always love me…I guess I just need to make sure that my intentions in completing certain tasks or living certain principles are coming from an honest place.

Has anyone else had similar feelings or had a time when they “took a break” from the checklist?

Thanks in advance for any shared experiences or insights you can offer.

Blessings!

[Anonymous]

Super great idea! You are very organized about it, LOL (perfectionist? sounds like it)

I did something similar. I continue to do it. Yes, I found out that a lot of things that I assumed mattered to God did not (at least not the way I thought they did). I found a lot of things I thought were not important were, in fact, very important to God. It wasn’t my fault I was a screwup. I still am one. But I now see life as a journey, like a ride at disney world where you go past all these displays. It is a hero’s adventure full of twists and turns, of hardships (failures and falling flat on my face often) and great triumphs. In the end, I am building a story, not trying to pass a quiz. Sorry. I don’t buy that old expectation anymore. Now I feel like I am at last friends with God. We get each other

I used to see life as a giant trick question. That is what I call the popular Mormon paradigm. We are sent here to earth for an obedience test. But for some reason that doesn’t really make sense in all fairness and justice, we have forgotten everything. Now, without the proper tools and skills we are supposed to pick the right answer — The LDS Church. So we are supposed to make a decision that effects the rest of our eternity based on false or missing information, a deeply flawed and developing character (we are all “sinners”), and a super powerful god-like “adversary” (Satan) with an army of agents that are constantly trying to trip us up. The world is a hostile place, full of enemies trying to destroy us and ruin God’s plan.

I say this — when you believe the world is out to get you, you will indeed find enemies everywhere. When you believe the world is an awe-inspiring creation, a place for us to make a hero’s journey, you will find allies, friends and adventures everywhere.

Follow the Spirit where it leads you.

Don’t get me wrong though. I am not making any excuses for myself or others. People who cause suffering, they suffer and so do others. But people who give love and compassion, who ease the suffering of others, they build the Kingdom of God on earth. Love God with all your heart, might, mind and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. That summarizes the revelations of all the prophets who have ever lived (including non-LDS and non-Christian prophets, Mohammed, Buddha, etc.)

[Anonymous]

I decided early on in life that I would participate in all the church activities I could – without sacrificing something more important. That works wonderfully for me – and I am confident that God understands and loves me for the desire of my heart.

For example, right now I live just over 30 minutes from church – but, more importantly, I am on a strict budget. I started a new career last summer, and I had to do so at the bottom end of the ladder. Therefore, I am not making much money – with a son on a mission, one in college, a daugher entering college this year and three daughters still at home. Next fall, I probably will have three kids in college.

This means that my family simply can’t afford to go to most of the church activities that are held on days other than Sunday and Wednesday – and that we can’t make it to the ones that occur Sunday evenings. Furthermore, since I was just called to the High Council and need to drive pretty significant distances for my speaking assignments and stake meetings, some of the things we might have attended previously are not possible now.

Fine. We don’t attend them. We do what we can, and we don’t stress about not doing what we can’t. My family comes first, and I use my own situation regularly to teach others that we can’t judge others at all, in any way, by how active they are in non-essential activities. For example, I’ve mentioned in Stake Leadership Meetings that I don’t attend the temple as regularly as I would like because my and my wife’s work schedules don’t match, and it’s hard to afford extra trips to the temple right now.

Summary: I am comfortable doing what I can, when I can, to the extent I can. Period. If that’s good enough for others, fine; if it’s not, fine. Period. It’s what they are going to get, and once they realize that they are fine with it. (with a few exceptions, but there are idiots everywhere in life)

God loves me, and that really is enough in the end – although I’ve found that people generally love and accept me when they know I genuinely love and accept them.

[Anonymous]

I think you have try to separate the agendas of church leaders from your relationship with God. Leaders will think about their requirements of their stewardship, and then spend much time trying to motivate others to support them in achieving those requirements. To someone who wants to do good, to be acceptable before God, etcetera, it can see overwhelming and sometimes punitive — the reasons people give.

For example, one Bishop taught — you have responsibility to do home teaching, and you also have a responsiblity TO BE HOME TAUGHT. Now, I’ve never seen a scripture to that effect, never heard doctrine to that effect, and have never even seen it in the General Handbook.

This Bishop just made it up hoping it would place pressure on both sides of the equation — the hometeacher side, to motivat him to get out and do it, adn the family side, to motivate them to encourage the home teacher.

But you know, I don’t have ANY responsibilty to be home taught. That has nothing to do with my relationship with God — nothing whatsoever.

Also, I had a period of 7 years when I didn’t pay tithing. I got raises every year, and also a huge opportunity to relocate internationally in my work. When my job looked like it was going to dry up, I had three job offers to choose from. One of them in the tropics…..the Lord blessed me incredibly in spite of the fact I wasn’t paying my tithing.

Also, people are quick to tell you that the reason something bad happened to you was because you didn’t obey some commandment. Now, granted, there are SOLID connections between certain kinds of unrighteousness and bad consequences — like driving drunk and getting in an accident which maims you. However, there are may bad consequences that just happen out of life’s random vicissitudes. And they may happen to occur just after you disobey and unrelated commandment. It doesn’t mean God is punishing you — it means life happened to you.

And the other fallacy — that if you live the commandments life will go smoothly — that’s hogwash in my view — the rain falleth on teh righteous and the wicked, and sometimes even the wicked prosper temporally as a result of their wickedness.

I honestly believe God will be as lenient as He can be with us. And that he loves us in spite of our mistakes. I believe that some of the negative things I’ve written on this forum about the Church may disturb him, but I also think He loves me and will honor the good things I’ve done my whole life. He may even be able to adopt my own perspective on things to at least empathize with how I feel about the disturbing parts of the Church given the lack of clarity on so many issues of truth.

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