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I have not had a “normal” Sunday the last 2 weeks since I have been traveling and we had a stake conference. So I have yet to go into SS / Priesthood meeting and see if anything is discussed on the policy change. I am good friends with the bishop and he isn’t hard nosed. I was his home teacher for years and I think it was the period I was the best home teacher I have ever been. Despite the advice on this site to generally keep your thoughts to yourself, I just had to let him know I am not on board with the policy change. I tried to word it in a way that wasn’t overly negative. Quote:I just have to let it be known to my leader that I have much sadness and concerns on the policy in Handbook 1 that came out earlier this month. I have spent many, many hours studying it, the video, clarifications, and other PR communications that came out around this. I have also prayed about it asking for a confirmation that has yet to come, but I will continue to ask. But in the mean time all I get are tears – more than any time since my mom passed away. I can’t (yet?) reconcile this policy with gospel teaching nor my conscience, especially when I look at the broader impact that I feel it will have. It has hurt me deeply and I hear I am not alone. I want to make sure that if you are asked by the stake president if anybody has issues with this that I certainly want to be known that I am deeply hurting.
I am more than willing to chat if you wish to on this, but I know you are busy. To be clear, I am not asking for your time as I am fine. I am just extending this to be clear that I have no issues with you whatsoever and if you want my thoughts on the issue, I am willing to share them.
I do not plan on making any big scenes at church. I will be respectful of those that wish to say, “this is of God. period. end of discussion” that they are absolutely entitled to that position, but to please make sure they allow for others that might not be on board with this. And I will frame where I am at similar to my above comments. I fear that if I don’t let it be known that I am struggling with this, that there is someone else deeply struggling over this and all they hear at church is, “you HAVE to accept this and do it now or you must have no faith!” I fear that that could be the last Sunday they set foot in the church building.
I deeply appreciate your time and efforts as the Bishop. From everything I can see you are doing a great job. I hope by me voicing my opinion I am not adding to your load.
I would like to end with a quote out of President Hugh B. Brown’s book “A Final Testimony”
“There is not enough of the attitude of the sincere investigator among us. There are altogether too many people in the world who are willing to accept as true whatever is printed in a book or delivered from a pulpit. Their faith never goes below the surface soil of authority. I plead with everyone I meet that they may drive their faith down through that soil and get hold of the solid truth, that they may be able to withstand the winds and storms of indecision and of doubt. I have been very grateful that the freedom, dignity, and integrity of the individual are basic in church doctrine. We are free to think and express our opinion in the church. Fear will not stifle thought… I admire men and women who have developed the questing spirit; who are unafraid of new ideas as stepping stones to progress. We should, of course, respect the opinions of others, but we should also be unafraid to dissent–if we are informed… We should be dauntless in our pursuit of truth and resist all demands for unthinking conformity. No one would have us become mere tape recorders of other people’s thoughts…While I believe all that God has revealed, I am not quite sure I understand what he has revealed, and the fact that God has promised further revelation is to me a challenge to keep an open mind and be prepared to follow wherever my search for truth may lead.”
Comments?I have also spent a few hours writing down all of my thoughts, as articulate as I can and free of “venting”. If someone is interested in it I am willing to share once I get it finalized. PM me and I will send it.
LH: Overall, it’s a nice letter and it doesn’t scare anyone, except for this sentence:
Quote:And I will frame where I am at similar to my above comments. I fear that if I don’t let it be known that I am struggling with this, that there is someone else deeply struggling over this and all they hear at church is, “you HAVE to accept this and do it now or you must have no faith!” I fear that that could be the last Sunday they set foot in the church building.
On one hand, you said you weren’t going to make a scene at church, but then this sentence above implies that you are going to express your opinion to others. Not in a scene-making way, but that you will potentially raise the issue with others in a church environment.
This will likely scare your Bishop. I would keep it as expressing your opinion to your bishop and not imply you will talk to others about it — if you feel its necessary to share it with him.
But that’s OMO — one man’s opinion…
LH, I love it. Very well written. FWIW, I haven’t taken away from this site any sense of advice to keep our thoughts to ourselves. On the contrary, I feel more inclined to speak up now. I spoke with my bishop the first Sunday after the change came out. He said that he hadn’t even heard about the change until the day before, “but I’ve heard plenty about it this morning.” My bishop is a good, caring person. He tried to help me understand, but it was mild, and mostly he sympathized with and accepted my concerns. We parted ways in comfort and on good terms. The second Sunday in, I had a long conversation with a thoughtful believer, and I let him know that I don’t even accept the prohibition against same-sex marriage as doctrinal. I was careful to keep it on a level of respect and two-way dialog. But, I’m not going to hide my support for same-sex marriage. They can excommunicate me, if they feel the need. In the short time since the policy change, I have already heard from the pulpit that this is a test of faith; a sieve for separating out the faithful. I’m not going to let that go unanswered. Yet, while I’m going to look for more occasions to bring it up than I did before, I will still always try to do it in as non-threatening of a way as I am able.
I might change: I just have to let it be known to my leader that I have much sadness and concerns on the policy in Handbook 1 that came out earlier this month.
to:
I just have to let it be known that I am deeply saddened and concerned over the new policy in Handbook 1 that came out earlier this month.
I don’t feel my leaders need to know, I’m more concerned that some congregant needs to know because they feel alone in their beliefs. That’s just me.
Happy outcome (at least so far). He responded that I am not alone and he can see how it is a marginal case, but does seem like it is withholding ordinances from them. He said to keep on asking questions, but remember the confirmations that I have had. And SD, I was trying to point out that I am not going to shout down some TBM that says “get in line”, but I AM going to express my lack of acceptance. I wanted him to hear my balanced (I think) dissent before someone stomps into his office saying, “You need to Ex Brother Hard”.
:thumbup: I can understand the impulse to go to the bishop, especially if you have a certain confidence your relationship and his fair-mindedness. He can do the most to set the tone in the ward.
So far I’ve only talked with two friends. Here’s hoping that each of us speaks in a way that helps. Like Jacob Hess said in the Colvin interview, we’re missing something as a church if the attitude becomes, “It’s been a week! [or month…] Let’s move on!”
So true Ann. I think this is a moment that will be written about in Mormon history. It could be more impactful in the years to come than the change in age for missionaries. LookingHard wrote:I think this is a moment that will be written about in Mormon history. It could be more impactful in the years to come than the change in age for missionaries.
I do agree that it could be. This is part of the continuum that began with Prop 8. Maybe “Prop 8.1” would be an appropriate term. Prop 8, and now this event, have contributed to the body of membership of the Church having to take a hard social look at themselves in the mirror. Prior to these events, I was complacent; treating these issues as not my problem. But when Prop 8 happened, I found myself questioning what I really believed. I think that was true for a lot of people in the Church. Had the Church left this all alone, I doubt there would be so much social discord within the ranks of the membership. The hard-line stance forces people to think outloud. At least I know it did for me, and I know it has for some.LookingHard wrote:I think this is a moment that will be written about in Mormon history. It could be more impactful in the years to come than the change in age for missionaries.
And maybe somehow it can still all work together for good. Because I think many of those missionaries won’t be able – with personal integrity intact – to carry this part of our message to the world. That was my very first reaction: my kids are not on board for this.
Ann wrote:LookingHard wrote:I think this is a moment that will be written about in Mormon history. It could be more impactful in the years to come than the change in age for missionaries.
And maybe somehow it can still all work together for good. Because I think many of those missionaries won’t be able – with personal integrity intact – to carry this part of our message to the world. That was my very first reaction: my kids are not on board for this.
Mitch Mayne said the same thing. He looked at Prop 8 not as a failure, but it really changed members in the church. He thinks the same will happen with this. It is a possibility, but it will take members pushing back against the top-down authoritarian leadership model used in the church that has quite strong pressure that following Christ = following the leaders.I like the letter and love the quote at the end. I think that if it is done meekly and humbly, even if there is a difference of opinion, they will accept the feedback. I think they know many people are struggling with it. So some leaders are willing to give this some time and hope it begins to be more clear or make sense in time.
They may feel a need to try to convince you to support the prophets, but I don’t think your letter will lead to anything terrible.
It’s a good letter.
:thumbup:
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