Letting go

[Anonymous]

Tena Koutou Katoa (Greetings to you all), I am a first time blogger from New Zealand and so please forgive me if I’m not quite au fait with the lingo. I’ve been lurking through this site for the past 6 months and am really happy to post this introduction.

I am 29 yrs old, happily married with 3 children. I was raised in an abusive and isolated environment with a slight atheist twist. I separated myself emotionally from my “parents” at a very young age and learnt that I did have a HF who knew and loved me, irrespective of the situation I found myself in. In my early teens I practised a try before you buy concept with religion on my quest to find the Lord’s word and found that The CofJCofLDS held the answers to the questions I was asking at that time in my life. At 17, I was baptised.

With youth and emotional issues in mind, at times my path veered off the straight and narrow but eventually I regained course and was sealed to my recently converted DH a few years ago. Although we adhered to the commandments and church counsel as a family, we didn’t feel as though our hearts were truly advancing towards godhood – Larry King aside, that is the end goal isn’t it?? (Just kidding – I did say I had been lurking ).

Now this is where some may find familiarity with my story – I decided to embark on a path of learning and enlightenment, which funnily enough – did actually happen. Just not the way I expected I wanted to increase my knowledge of church history and gospel teachings aka become a know it all. Obviously several discrepancies arose unexpectantly which resulted in feelings of betrayal and panic.

I’m thankful to say that I have reached a level of acceptance – after all, I got what I asked for. I do still go from up to down – hence my username. I get to a point and step forward only to balk and dance around for a bit. I do feel as though I am on the road to “peace” but the road is a little rocky for me. Not complaining though – had Lucifer built the road it would be asphalt and a no-brainer. At the moment, visiting this site and realising I’m not alone is a helpmate. I know that I shouldn’t need that lifeline as my Saviour is still here with me but I’m a little weak from the slap of reality I recently took!

I do not currently attend church services and am not sure where exactly church sits in my life right now. TBH I actually feel more charitable and less judgemental than when fully active and swept up in the hypocrisy (by this I refer to the fact that the RS motto is Charity Never Faileth yet as Sisters, demonstrating charity was rare – myself included). I didn’t realise how therapeutic this would be – I look forward to your support as I find my way.

Ma te wa (until then)

[Anonymous]

Welcome Yoyo. Welcome to our community. I look forward to getting to know you better and hearing about your journey of faith.

[Anonymous]

Welcome, Yoyo.

Reconciling the gap between the ideal we preach and the practical reality we live can be difficult. Maybe it will help to remember that in most cases it really isn’t hypocrisy as much as it simply is a condition of mortality. Personally, I’d rather strive to reach the unreachable star than never have it identified as a target.

I’m glad you are here.

[Anonymous]

Welcome. I love your username…Yoyo. Ups and downs…I’m very familiar with them.

Thanks for sharing your background. I look forward to hearing your views on things as you participate on the board here.

Ma te wa.

[Anonymous]

Viktor Frankl talked about this idea that is prevalent in our day that we should not have inner conflict (ups & downs) but be in perfect balance, which he said is not correct – it’s normal to have inner conflict, to believe conflicting things at the same time, to be uncomfortable and feel tension inside. I found that explanation to resonate for me, along the lines of your post as well.

Welcome to the site!

[Anonymous]

Kia ora. Yes, there is a lot in your post which is familiar to me.

I appreciate that there has been a lot of airbrushing when it comes to the church’s history. I don’t think it is entirely helpful. I think that whether or not we come out liking Joseph Smith or not, he was certainly an incredible man either way. My advice (and probably that of many of the other people on the board) is to work out what exactly in Mormonism you liked to begin with, hone in on that, and then look at what you don’t like or are indifferent to. Sift through that stuff, and work out why you don’t like it, and if there’s a way to move forward with it. If there’s no way forward with some of it, that’s not entirely a bad thing… not everything is quite as doctrinal as some people make out, and moreover I think there are different takes on certain stuff.

I hope you don’t mind me asking, but are you male or female? (You don’t have to answer this, it’s just because I think in the LDS the two sexes have quite different experiences)

I’m sorry to hear about your family experiences. These things can and do happen. I think the church is sometimes misguided to talk about families the way they do. In good circumstances, they are wonderful, in less than good circumstances, they can be horrendous.

[Anonymous]

Nice to hear from a Kiwi. We lived in Kerikeri for 9 months about 2 years ago and hope to go back for a visit someday. This is a good place and I think you’ll find a safe place to talk out and work through a few things. Welcome

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

Maybe it will help to remember that in most cases it really isn’t hypocrisy as much as it simply is a condition of mortality.

I almost didn’t put in that bit about being “swept up in hypocrisy” as I anticipated a response in particular from you Ray but then I considered that I need to get out of the fake until I make mode and be real…that means I must bare my sometimes negative outlook and work through things in a more positive and Christlike manner. Thanks Ray – I REALLY like this and will share it with my family.

[Anonymous]

SamBee wrote:

I hope you don’t mind me asking, but are you male or female?

Kia Ora SamBee.

I’m female btw. My husband and I actually just got back from the Chapel where we gave a careers talk to the young men. We both enjoyed the evening and so that was a positive tick in the “what do I like about church” box. Funnily enough I agreed to the assignment straight after posting my intro blog – I don’t know if I would have been so receptive to the assignment had I not made a start in reconciling things.

Thank you for your kind words.

[Anonymous]

No problem Yoyo. I was just wondering, because I think that women have a very different experience in the church, more geared towards childbearing, no priesthood etc etc However, they do get more leeway in clothing for church than we do (as long as it’s modest 😆 ) Women seem to come to church in just about anything (nearly always skirts), while the men have to have suits… Anyway, I digress.

Quote:

My husband and I actually just got back from the Chapel where we gave a careers talk to the young men. We both enjoyed the evening and so that was a positive tick in the “what do I like about church” box. Funnily enough I agreed to the assignment straight after posting my intro blog – I don’t know if I would have been so receptive to the assignment had I not made a start in reconciling things.

Had some experience of this the other day. Yes, this is definitely one of the better aspects of the church. It might be wrong about some things, but I think that a lot of its financial advice is sound (as long as the tithing isn’t crippling) and that the food storage advice is sensible.

I don’t deny that there are things that suck in the church (probably most other people here would agree!), but it’s trying to work with them. I don’t like the white shirt policy, but I can live with it. I’m not keen on the curse of Ham stuff, but that’s all but died a death, I’m glad to say. I miss tea and coffee a bit, but the doctor had told me to cut down on them for medical reasons a few months before I returned, so I would have had to stop them anyway.

There are still a few things which stick in my craw. I think the church can be overcentralized and bureaucratic, and the rigidity of it undermines it (if that’s not a mixed metaphor) One size does not always fit all.

By the way, I don’t know if you have the current edition of “Gospel Principles”. I was looking at it earlier, and had to scratch my head when I read this…

http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,11-1-13-30,00.html

Quote:

The Gift of Interpretation of Tongues (D&C 46:25)

This gift is sometimes given to us when we do not understand a language and we need to receive an important message from God. For example, President David O. McKay had a great desire to speak to the Saints in New Zealand without an interpreter. He told them that he hoped that the Lord would bless them that they could understand him. He spoke in English. His message lasted about forty minutes. As he spoke, he could tell by the expression on many of their faces and the tears in their eyes that they were receiving his message. (See Answers to Gospel Questions, 2:30-31.)

All I can say is, what the hey?! I appreciate thousands of people speak Maori, and there are various immigrants, especially Polynesians in NZ, but this really puzzled me. The majority of people in NZ speak English… so what’s going on here?

[Anonymous]

SamBee wrote:

All I can say is, what the hey?! I appreciate thousands of people speak Maori, and there are various immigrants, especially Polynesians in NZ, but this really puzzled me. The majority of people in NZ speak English… so what’s going on here?

😯

Yeah, good question? I would have never thought twice about if you hadn’t brought it up.

Anyway, welcome to the site YOYO. I have no fancy way of saying hi or salutation or welcome or whatever it is you’re all including. It’s all just jibberish to me anyway. .

[Anonymous]

SamBee wrote:

All I can say is, what the hey?! I appreciate thousands of people speak Maori, and there are various immigrants, especially Polynesians in NZ, but this really puzzled me. The majority of people in NZ speak English… so what’s going on here?

Thanks SamBee – that was a really good laugh out loud moment! I had read that but like cwald did not pay it much mind at the time…the rose-tinted lenses have definitely come off since then.

Thanks for the welcome everyone!

[Anonymous]

Welcome YoYo! Not only do I like the concept of ebb and flo it contains, I’m also a moderate YoYo enthusiast and can do a number of YoYo tricks! Looking forward to seeing your avatar should you decide to get one.

I’m glad you decided to introduce yourself, and even post in a thread I started recently. And I’m particularly glad you had a positive experience talking to the youth about careers. Isn’t it great when life in the Church has moments of flo?

I thought your opening introduction post was well written and well worded, with even a bit of French thrown in there in the opening paragraph.

Welcome, and I hope to hear more from you!

[Anonymous]

SilentDawning wrote:

Looking forward to seeing your avatar should you decide to get one.

I wouldn’t have a clue about how to get one!! I’ll work it out but the pressure’s on now! Thanks SD. I did want to support you personally on one of your recent posts though didn’t really feel that I could add anything which would be constructive. I’m moved at this moment (I’ve learnt to follow the 2nd prompt when I ignore the 1st!) to express my compassion to you and let you know that I am often over-sensitive, sometimes misunderstood and love way too hard. I can dwell on things to the point of depression but always pick myself up afer I focus on the good things and apply perspective. Kia Kaha SD (Be strong).

[Anonymous]

Thanks YoYo — I think I may have led people to believe I’m somehow dysfunctional every day of my life, which isn’t the case. I’m fully functioning in my work, my family and all aspects of life, however, I have periods when events like the one I shared overtook me. I think that last episode was a culmination of years of wrong things, and yes, I’m vulnerable if it happens again.

It’s tough being oversensitive, isn’t it?

One thing I appreciated was the fact that almost no one said “Get over it” like so many do, simply because they don’t have such problems monitoring and controlling their thoughts.

Thanks for your comments though, and your compassion. Much appreciated.

[Author]

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