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Martha wrote:church0333 wrote:
Very nice Wayfarer,
It is lonely. I am sure I am not as deep a thinker as many but I love to think and discuss thoughts and ideas. I don’t have to agree with the other thoughts but just the exploring is very satisfying. I am sad and frustrated that I can’t do that with the one that matters most to me.
I feel that loneliness as well, but I try and remember how alone my spouse feels now that he cannot comfortably talk about some beliefs that we used to share. I occasionally spend a little bit of time lurking at Faces East, which reminds me that our loved ones often feel as alone as we do.
From what i wrote in the blog, my DW and I have really come to a meeting of the minds. as long as she is confident that i am not going anywhere out of the church, and especially not changing the rules of our marriage, we have been able to communicate much better. we are having regular family home evening (just the two of us — kids all long gone), and rotating lessons between the more traditional view she holds, and the heretic but faithful view i hold. by using the FHE structure…a church commandment to her…we are opening the dialogue.I miss flower, SD, CG, F4H1, BN, Doug, George, Tom, spock….so many of the staylds grads…. Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2
cwald wrote:I miss flower, SD, CG, F4H1, BN, Doug, George, Tom, spock….so many of the staylds grads….
speaking of that…have you solidified your plans for this summer? nats are catching up on the braves and we an catch a game…church0333 wrote:…just the exploring [of ideas] is very satisfying.
I agree, and the fear of different ideas that I sometimes observe is one of my biggest frustrations. The way I see it honest exploration is a great friend and ally of truth.
church0333 wrote:I am sad and frustrated that I can’t do that with the one that matters most to me.
It can be very frustrating. At the same time we must recognize two people can have very different needs. I recognize that I don’t have the personal strength to fully support some of my wife’s emotional needs. She gains some strength or validation from [what I consider lengthy] process of fully experiencing negative emotions and then rising from them to move on in the end. If I went to the depths that she sometimes does I may never recover. To me it is important to release the non-positive and let it go as soon as possible. I don’t have the strength to support her in an area where she would really appreciate my company. I realize while on one hand I would love to give her everything she may want or need from me, I must also tend to my own mental/spiritual/emotional health or I will be no help to her or anyone else.
Another example is the difference between introvert/extrovert personalities. One gets re-charged in the company of others while the other needs personal time to refresh. We just can’t be all things to anyone – not even our spouse.
cwald wrote:I miss flower, SD, CG, F4H1, BN, Doug, George, Tom, spock….so many of the staylds grads….
It hasn’t been that long since bridget_night and spock made their most recent comments so I don’t know if I would call them StayLDS graduates yet; they just don’t post very often. I think the site could definitely use some more people like SilentDawning but it sounds like his strong interest in talking about these ideas was actually one of the main reasons he left because he started to worry about the amount of time spent.
I check in from time to time because I love discussion and still learn stuff. The site beyond this does not hold much value for me since I have come to the belief the church is completely a construct of men. If there is something devine in this world I do not see it in the church. So I guess I am more about trying to leave than staying LDS. Cadence wrote:So I guess I am more about trying to leave than staying LDS.
And there is value in knowing where you stand and which direction you face. There is also value in trying to understand why others are in a different place and heading a different direction – even when it doesn’t influence your own direction.
I have re-registered my account after needing some perspective on an issue that I spoke with someone about privately…thougth I would check in here though. I sure did get productive again after I left StayLDS in October…won’t go into the accomplishments, but there were a lot of really fulfilling experiences.
Of interest to STayLDS is how I am sharing my “Talents” in a non-Church context now. I joined a volunteer organization meant to revitalize a section of the city in which I live. I have a stake in it, because I live in it. It is OK, but crime is increasing, businesses are leaving and there are properties that need repair or vacant.
I have been leading a speaker’s series on topics that strengthen businesses like social media marketing, financial statement usage, how students can help businesses expand or deal with operational problems. This has been great and has allowed my university to partner with other businesses for their mutual benefit, although a large portion of my motive is simply to fil the void left by not serving in heavy callings at Church.
One thing I learned too, was that the same kinds of problems you see with commitment, personality conflicts etcetera are alive and well in other volunteer contexts . I had one where a member of the Board blasted me over something (publicly), and, based on the others in the meeting, was totally out of line. I stayed with the organization anyway. It didnt sting nearly as much because I had no expectations of the organization as divine like our Church. I wrote it off as the behavior of an inexperienced, volunteer leader who was still growing in her ability to get results in a volunteer organization.
I am working on another project to raise funds for a local food pantry at a community organization. I have learned how to pack restaurants and venues with people for music and social events, and will be leveraging that new found knolwedge to help the poor and needy in a different way than the Church does — through a music-related fundraiser.
Church has been difficult. I sit in meetings and feel people are saying things that are cultural expectations rather than absolute truth. I see their comments differently — almost as if they are confusing Christianity with organizational commitment. Or sometimes, are simply perpetuating cultrual beliefs leaders have invented to increase the commitment of our members. Taht part is hard.
My family and I are attending another Ward for as long as we can…without living in it yet due to pending changes in my work. That created an instant change in my family’s commitment. My wife is active, my daughter engaged, my son gets ready for Church without any prodding — it’s Igreat. Hopefully the Church won’t ruin it all by asserting policy over individual needs of my family. I am not holding my breath though and will deal with it when the time comes. I also feel its’ important to break away with the new knowledge you create for yourself here and then go out and DO SOMETHING with it. In my case, I kept teaching priesthood for a while, but focused on the parts of lessons I could relate to, gently making the members rethink their judgmentalism, their one-size fits all approach to religion, and where they put their time. And then, being involved in the community is good since all the volunteer work I have known has been in the Church — the broadened perspective is good. And it helps me feel I am still being Christlike and using my talents. It doesn’t have to always be about the Church! The world needs you too — and at times, it can even be better than serving in the Church.
Anyway, thought I would check in and let people know what life is like after StayLDS since i took a 6-month hiatus from posting here. I have to confess, my overall life has been happier since I get to express talents and serve others in ways that are not possibe in the Church. Service in the Church was valuable for a while, and may well be in the future, but for now, I think service outside the community is much better for me personally.
Good to see you SD. I figure if you are feeling fulfilled in your community service and your family is feeling fulfilled with church stuff – then it is all good. No need to expect that everyone should be fulfilled by the same stuff. Is it not enough to find fulfillment? ((hugs for my old friend)) Good to hear from SD. Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2
great to hear from you SD. Your mention of being productive AFTER stayLDS resonated with me. I do find that this is a great escape from the reality of managing life on a daily basis — today I’m very much under the weather and taking off work — sort of — so I am posting. I also found that my more extended involvement in multiple sites was not only time consuming, but destructive to my attitude toward the negative aspects of church.
I do hope you’ll touch base on occasion — I appreciate your insight in a big way, and learn a lot from your experiences.
SD really good to hear from you. I missed your post but was happy that you found life outside StayLDS. It still serves a purpose for me at this point. The whole church thing is stressing me out a lot less these days. I am being more opened and starting to care less what others think. SD, thanks for the update. I like what you said: Quote:Of interest to STayLDS is how I am sharing my “Talents” in a non-Church context now. I joined a volunteer organization meant to revitalize a section of the city in which I live. I have a stake in it, because I live in it. It is OK, but crime is increasing, businesses are leaving and there are properties that need repair or vacant.
This is for me is the purest definition of the gospel of JC. It doesn’t have to be a church calling. You seem to be getting your inspiration from the “source” & not waiting for a church calling. Keep coming back.
Mike wrote:SD, thanks for the update. I like what you said:
Quote:Of interest to STayLDS is how I am sharing my “Talents” in a non-Church context now. I joined a volunteer organization meant to revitalize a section of the city in which I live. I have a stake in it, because I live in it. It is OK, but crime is increasing, businesses are leaving and there are properties that need repair or vacant.
This is for me is the purest definition of the gospel of JC. It doesn’t have to be a church calling. You seem to be getting your inspiration from the “source” & not waiting for a church calling. Keep coming back.
and mike’s back, too!gawd, it’s like a family reunion…
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