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Hey everyone! This is my first official day as a member of this site so I guess it’s only fitting that I tell you my story. I’m not really the best at stringing my thoughts together into words on a line, but I’ll try my best.
My story starts a few months back, on Valentines 2011. My story has nothing to do with Valentines, but it just so happens that when things started to change for me. Having moved away from home to attend college, I was enjoying my second semester of school. On the said night, I was chatting with friends on Facebook like any typical kid my age. It was then that an Ad on the side bar caught my attention. It read: “I’m an Exmormon”(perhaps you’ve seen these). Naturally, being a very curious person, I was intrigued as to why anyone would willingly leave the “one true church.” Determined to know, I clicked on that Ad, which brought up a Youtube video. I watched as a young woman explained her decent out of Mormonism, and was caught a little off guard because she was actually making a very good case. She talked about how her husband had started looking into Church History, and was disturbed by what he had discovered. She went on to divorce him because he no longer had faith in the church and had left. She claimed that there was a lot of pressure from within the church for her to leave her husband (I believe it), and that she wondered how a church that preached “Eternal Families” could be ripping hers apart. There was something about that video that just struck a chord with me, and I couldn’t leave it alone anymore. I had to know for myself if the things I had been taught were true, so I started digging.
As you can imagine, it didn’t take very long for me to uncover controversy. If your looking for it, you’ll definitely find it. I started looking on sites that were provided as links to the Exmormon videos. They took me to sites like: FARMS, FAIR, MormonThink, and so on. I’m sure most of you are familiar with these sites. I was shocked to discover that what I had been led to believe my whole life wasn’t exactly the truth. I got really upset. I felt cheated and lied to, and a part of me felt like I had been brainwashed into believing and following things so blindly. I wasn’t ever an over-the-top Peter priesthood, but I definitely had a strong testimony and love for my religion. Well, as you can imagine, that testimony quickly started to melt inside of me, and I was left with a mess. I was so confused and angry. I wondered why I had never heard about most of the things I was reading now. I turned to friends who had left the church already because of their own issues (homosexuality mostly), and vented my anger to them. They listened and went along with me, but they didn’t provide me with much comfort. I realized that despite the questions and doubts forming in my mind, it was still important for me to look for answers in the culture I was raised in, so I kept attending institute and church meetings. One day after institute, I approached my teacher and asked if I could speak with him in his office. Knowing that he had once been recognized as one of the top LDS scholars, I felt like he was a good person to answer my questions.
We went into his office, and he sat me down. He asked me what was troubling me, and I let loose. I told him what had happened and how my faith had been shaken. He listened as I asked about issues such as the Adam-God theory, seer stones, and all of the happenings with Mark Hoffman. He suggested to me that it wasn’t a bad thing that I had come across these issues. He told me that if I kept my head up and turned to God, that I would find a way out and my faith would be restored. He also suggested that by finding the answers to my questions, I would be better prepared when the time came for me to serve a mission. (I decided to go to school for a year and get my Associates Degree before leaving on a mission). My teacher advised me to start keeping a record in a journal. He suggested I start by writing down the things that I already knew, and to never doubt them. Next, he suggested I write down the things I had questions about, and then that I should search them out. Although he restored some of my faith, and helped rebalance my scales, I wasn’t fully comforted with the things he told me. He told me about the “leave it on the shelf” theory, in which I found little comfort.
I took some time to search some more and did my best to approach things objectively. One weekend while visiting home, I decided to let my parents in on my current situation. Needless to say, part of me wished that I hadn’t. It didn’t do anything but frighten them and cause them to worry about me. Over the next few weeks, I received several tearful phone calls from my mother, and e-mails from my older brother. I felt so pressured to just forget about looking for answers so that my family would stop stressing. I hated how emotional things got. I felt like this was a personal journey that I needed to take if I was ever going to be at peace with myself, and the family stress wasn’t helping at all. Because of this, I started to subtly pull away from my family and stopped discussing my thoughts with them. Then one night, I received an unexpected e-mail from my father. He told me for the first time, about his youth and some of the issues he had when he was my age. It was special to me, because my father isn’t one to share his feelings with you. The reason I mention this e-mail, is because at the end my dad said something that really helped get me to where I am now. He simply said, “You need to stop listening to other people, and listen to yourself.” It may sound a little conceded, but it really hit home with me. I started pulling out all my personal and scripture journals, blog entries, as well as anything else that contained my feelings about the church. Reading my own words and testimony gave me the strength I needed. I realized that when it really came down to it, the Gospel was good, and I needed it in my life. Sure, I still had questions, but I also still agreed with most of the LDS teachings. When I tried to separate myself from Mormonism, I found myself a lot more confused than before. For the first time, I found myself fearing things such as death. I believed in eternal families, but without Mormonism, that truth evaporated and that really scared me. I also imagined raising my children outside of the church, and decided that I wouldn’t want that for them. There is a lot of good in the Church, and I wanted them to experience it as I had (although, with a little more truth involved).
This kind of brings me to here and now. I finished my second semester of school, graduated with my associates degree, and moved back home for the summer. Since I’ve been home, I have had even more time to research my questions. The other night I was on the site MormonThink.com, reading an interview that Jeff Burton did with the owner of the site. It fascinated me when he started talking about the “borderlands”, and mentioned StayLds.com. The interview led me to this site, where I read articles on “Official Church Doctrine” , and the conversion of middle Mormons. I can’t express my relief and comfort in discovering that I wasn’t alone. It’s been a great blessing to know that I can remain LDS despite my questions and doubts. I’m so glad God led me here!
Last but not least, I want to leave you guys with a final problem I’m currently facing. As I mentioned above, I decided to postpone my mission a year so that I could get my Associates Degree. Now that I’ve completed my degree, I’ve started the process on filling out my mission papers. I’m planning on submitting them in early June. I really want to go, but now I am unsure if I should. Can I still serve a mission as a middle Mormon, or the better question, should I? I’m interested to hear your thoughts and opinions. As I am still relatively new to all of this, I’m open to any advice you have to offer.
Thanks for taking the time to read this! I appreciate it.
As a returned missionary, I know how tough a mission can be WITH a testimony and having dealt with all the doubts before I left on the mission. It was rough, because you get exposed to anti-Mormon stuff regularly, particularly if you serve in certain parts of the American Bible Belt or California – in fact, it’s North America wide. Even if there IS no anti-Mormon stuff, the rejection can be hard unless you have a firm testimony to fall back on. I have more to say, but I’m on a break between classes and need to get back to that. Talk to you later…. ******
Now it’s later…at your age, I would do everything possible to get that spiritual confirmation that this is the right thing in spite of all the doubts you are having. You will be coaching people how to do the same thing, so you need to have done it and dealt with these kinds of doubts before you go. Even if you don’t have them completely dealt with, there is a possibilty that with 2 hours of study a day, and steeped in spirituality for 2 years, you might get that deep, burning testimony, as some missionaries leave without a testimony, and get one on their mission. However, I personally would feel pretty sheepish about teaching people how to get a traditional believer’s testimony when I didn’t have one myself. I had one when I left, and it made all the difference. I could teach with integrity, and I truly believed I was representing God the whole time. It gave me spiritual power. I can’t imagine serving a mission without that.
Candlelight25, I want to welcome you to this site. There are some great threads you can read and some very wise people here to help. I don’t have any advice to give you other than to second the advice your father gave. Listen to your heart. You are on a grand learning journey, one that leads us to see more vibrant color and understand things with less clarity but more truth. I didn’t serve a mission but I do have a son who will be mission age in 4 years so I’m interested in what others have to say in regards to your question. My dh and I have discussed missions and our encouragement of them at length and we have come to the common conclusion that a mission or something like it, is an important part of learning to be an adult. If my sons choose to go and can jump the bar we will support them (I will be preparing them for what they might learn in regards to church history etc beforehand) if they can’t jump the bar we will encourage time far away doing some form of service etc so that they can experience the world in all of its diversity and paradox before they start families. That is where we stand now. I hope to hear a lot from you.
Canadian Girl
Candle, I think you did great at telling your story.
CandleLight25 wrote:He told me about the “leave it on the shelf” theory, in which I found little comfort.
Worst theory in the church, in my opinion. If nobody, literally nobody, in the church has a soul-satisfying answer to a question, and God hasn’t given it to you directly yet, better go look elsewhere until you get the answer. It would be dishonest and proud for me to claim “I don’t have a shelf.” But I sure don’t hope to have one. “Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”
Regarding a mission, that is a real tough one. Are you strong enough to follow the revelations of God to you directly in spite of possible social and institutional consequences? It may be that you feel called to go on a mission with your eyes wide open, knowing that many missionaries and leaders succumb to the temptations of 1) looking at non-members as conquests, 2) using the tactics of the business world to sell the LDS Gospel, 3) considering the LDS Message uniquely essential for everybody on earth. If you can go out with a pure vision to serve Heaven and Humanity, to build bridges between the Latter-day Saints and the Other Saints, and take all the good that is out there and use it to build the Kingdom of God in your own heart, then I would wish you Godspeed, good Apostle Candle. Memorize the Sermon on the Mount and a few favorite Parables from Luke and enjoy your mission.
Welcome to the community! If you haven’t read our “How to Stay in the LDS Church …” article, I would highly recommend it. Here’s the link:
http://staylds.com/docs/HowToStay.html It has suggestions on a lot of stuff, especially how to continue relating to faithful family members and friends.
I’m at work and have to leave soon, but I wanted to make sure and say hi. I look forward to exploring some of your questions and hearing about your experiences. You are definitely not alone. And we all have different and interesting things to share. Hang in there!
Welcome. I also think you did a pretty good job describing your journey up to this point. Not to imply that it isn’t unique or interesting, but it’s almost a little spooky to me how the stories all seem to follow a certain pattern. You, sir, are a textbook example of whatever the heck it is we are here. I served a mission. I know as well as I know anything that there is no way I could do so today. I think part of that has to do with youthful enthusiasm having diminished, but it’s more than that. Even as a doe-eyed missionary, I had faith crises that sorely tested me. Now, I wouldn’t discourage you from going. My own son just finished a mission, and I think it can be a great experience in many, many ways, but if you decide to go, you need to go into it with both eyes wide open. Because of your outlook, it will demand more maturity, forebearance, and patience on your part than would normally be expected.
Welcome. My oldest son returns from his mission next month, and it was a wonderful experience for him – but he was 21 when he started, had spent two years in college FAR away from home, had to acquire his own testimony and desire before leaving, etc. As others have said, he went with his eyes wide open and being mature enough to be confident in his own understanding of the Gospel. It was the best way and timing for him.
My next son is planning on going when he graduates from college. It just is the best time for him, given his career aspirations and personal situation. He will be 23 when he leaves, if all goes as he is planning now. That is the best way and timing for him.
I went four months out of high school – with a ring wearing fiance starting her senior year in high school. It was the best way and timing for me – although I absolutely don’t recommend it for anyone else.
My advice:
1) Pray and think about it and follow your gut, mind and spirit in whatever seems to be right for you. Nobody else can know that; it’s a very personal decision, and it’s yours to make. Just don’t require some marvelous manifestation either way. Go with whatever feels best to you.
2) You don’t have to teach the Gospel in ANY way that is contrary to your own faith. Preach My Gospel is structured such that you can teach the concepts and principles and allow others to define things in whatever way makes the most sense to them. It’s not like it was in my day, when the lessons were memorized and taught word-for-word. As long as you teach the concepts and principles in the lessons, you can do it in a way that does not violate your conscience. I really like the changes to the missionary program since Preach My Gospel was printed.
3) My oldest daughter might or might not go on a mission. She’s a questioner by nature, and we’ve had some really frank, good talks lately about church culture, respect for others’ faith traditions, “pure Mormonnism”. etc. If she does serve a mission, it will be her choice and on her terms.
Looking forward to getting to know you better.
I’m new here as well, and will enter my story soon. About the mission…I feel if you have a true desire to help people come to Christ…not just to the church, it is worth it. I served a difficult mission, and what I learned most was to love the people..not see them as potential members(our mission was very numbers oriented) but just love them as Christ would love them. Forget the other things they will push you to do, if you serve with love in your heart, you will have served faithfully. Personally, I served my mission after my own faith crisis, and I think it made me a much better missionary because I was there by informed choice, not from a naive gullible faith. I was better able to be empathetic to people of other faiths and to have more insight when asked tough questions. Not only did it contribute to my success, but it changed for me what success was – I was there to meet and enjoy the people, to meet them where they were and develop real friendships and relationships, not to rack them up as numbers toward my own glory or to intimidate them into baptism with fear-based teaching techniques. I think Ray’s #2 point is a key to having the right attitude as a missionary. Personally, I think uninformed missionaries often unwittingly harm the church, tarnishing our reputation among other cultures and faiths or making us seem cult-like in our lack of self-awareness about our own religion. Welcome to the site – I wish you luck in thinking through your choices!
Quote:Can I still serve a mission as a middle Mormon, or the better question, should I?
I just wanted to make a comment about this term “middle Mormon.” To me it sounds like someone who is wishy-washy, lukewarm, or whatever, and I think that’s inaccurate. I follow all the commandments, I choose to attend church and prepare SS lessons just like anyone else. I’m just less dogmatic, zealous, black and white, literalist in my views than some people are. But we are all Mormons. I’ve been thinking about these TR “faith” questions that we focus on so much sometimes. Which is more faithful? Saying you have faith or choosing to live a Mormon lifestyle despite doubts? It reminds me of this scripture in Matthew 21:
Quote:28¶But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard. 29He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went. 30And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not. 31Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.
Or like Dumbledore said at the end of the 2nd Harry Potter movie, “It is not our abilities but our
choicesthat define us.” Wow, I wasn’t expecting so much love and support from all of you. Thank you for the warm welcome! This forum is truly amazing. Before I found this site, I often felt guilty about feeling the way I did with my shifting perspective. I appreciate all the advice and words of wisdom that have been offered so far. I didn’t want to stop reading all of your comments! I cannot stress enough how comforting it is to know I am not alone. I expect most of you feel the same way. My friend asked me last night why I would want to serve a mission if I saw things they way I did. It really troubled me that I couldn’t come up with a satisfying answer for her. That is partly the reason why I asked all of you about it. As I sit here and reply to all of you, I still feel very passionate about serving a mission, although my motives may have changed. Thank you Brian for mentioning that article. I have read it, and I’m amazed as to the extent it covers my feelings. What is mentioned in that article really works for me. Ray, I appreciate your tips and also agree with #2 being the key to a successful mission. As I see things now, I want to serve a mission in the name of Christ. I’m interested in informing others about the Truths of the Gospel, as I understand them, and how those Truths can help them live a more positive and fulfilling life. I believe that it was said in the article Brian mentioned that perhaps Mormonism isn’t the one and only way, but it might be the purest. I understand that others have their own beliefs and religions. If they are happy and don’t feel the need for something more, than who am I to tear them away from that? While remaining true to myself, I want to present them with the information, but then let them decide through the promptings of the Spirit and their hearts. I guess what it really boils down to is doing my best to help them light their own candle with the light of Christ. Quote:While remaining true to myself, I want to present them with the information, but then let them decide through the promptings of the Spirit and their hearts. I guess what it really boils down to is doing my best to help them light their own candle with the light of Christ.
That’s exactly how I approached my mission: Look for those who are searching for what we teach and don’t harangue or condemn, EVER, those who are not.
You might be interested in the following post I wrote on my personal blog back in October, 2007 about my mission:
“Journeying in Joy”( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2007/10/journeying-in-joy.html Also, about the general issue of when to serve:
“Not Every Young Man Should Serve at 19”( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2010/07/not-every-young-man-should-serve-at-19.html CandleLight25 wrote:Wow, I wasn’t expecting so much love and support from all of you.
[img]http://ecdn3.hark.com/images/000/050/554/50554/spanish-inquisition_large.jpg [/img] NOBODYexpects the StayLDS inquisition! Our two chief weapons are:
1. Surprise!
2. Excesses of love and support, support and love, surprise and love and support. Yes!
3. And, an almost fanatical devotion to our personal truths
oh wait, that’s three.
Our THREE chief weapons are …
I agree with Hawkgrrrl, that the term “middle Mormon” can sound like a compromise of belief … but I don’t view it that way. Quote:The middle path does not mean a mid point in a straight line joining two extremes represented by points. The middle path represents a high middle point, like the apex of a triangle. Thus the high middle point is more value filled than a mere compromise.
I served a mission prior to any major faith crisis, but I was always more of a “spirit of the law” focused Mormon my whole life, rather than “letter of the law” … and like Hawkgrrrl said, I think it made me a better missionary because I although I followed most rules, I was grounded and people felt like I was down to earth and they trusted me.
I was more open to hearing other people and their views, and offering them a perspective from my experience within mormonism, and then always had faith they would decide for themselves if they wanted to accept the teachings or not, and I never had the “holier-than-thou” approach that they needed to be baptized or else it was eternal damnation for them. My mission companions didn’t always appreciate it when I would trade a Book of Mormon for the Jehovah Witness literature, and promised I would study the JW material (which I did), but I found it good to expose myself to lots of cultural and religious things and then revisit my faith on what made sense to me.
Missions provide a wonderful way to serve other people, learn how to love others (companions…even the ones you don’t like), and lots of time to study and experience spiritual things. Having said that, there is heavy pressure on a mission to conform and obey, and there are lots of examples of missionaries going to opposite extremes of taking everything literal as well as the disobedient partier missionaries that just goof off.
It becomes a personal decision for you. Your dad’s advice is good, because listening to 10 other people will give you 10 other perspectives. It depends on how you feel, and how deep your doubts and questions about the church go. There are many people on this website that are at different places of belief or disbelief. Some would definitely never want to serve a mission, others know the problems with church history but despite the fact that all stories are not as we may have been taught in primary, still see God’s work being done in the church and would go serve.
Perhaps there are others you can reach on your mission that other missionaries cannot reach, because you have your own perspectives?
I don’t know if that is what you were looking for, but I think it comes down to what you want to do with your life and how you feel about opportunities to grow on a mission or risks of going if you’re upset about what you’ve learned lately.
Either way, you fit in nicely here. I look forward to learning more from your posts. Welcome!
CandleLight25 wrote:As I sit here and reply to all of you, I still feel very passionate about serving a mission, although my motives may have changed…. I guess what it really boils down to is doing my best to help them light their own candle with the light of Christ.
My guess is that you have thought about this much deeper and longer than most do before they go out on a mission. That is commendable.
The Buddha said:
Quote:“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
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