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I have realized recently, how many past decisions were made with a idea in the back of my head that I was representing the church in my every day life. My language, my entertainment choices, my ethics, they were all based on an underlying thought that my every day choices reflected on the church. I was hesitant to make certain unpopular decisions as I worried about how those decision would reflect on my religion. I have noticed that my decision making has changed. My process internally is different, and my decisions are better — more true/real/appropriate. I don’t have the 8 track of “I need to look like a happy, successful Mormon” playing in the back of my head any longer. My decisions are being made based only on what is best for the situation.
A major conflict happened at work last week. Someone wanted to do something really stupid. Something that would increase their money a little bit .. But increase liability 10 fold. A year ago, I would’ve spent a lot of time trying to be diplomatic. Instead, I found myself telling this person that their idea wasn’t acceptable, it increased liability, increased chances of harm to the patient, and was just totally unacceptable to me. The other side stomped and glared. If they could’ve hurt me with their eyes, I would still be limping. Our surgeons were laughing about this later. They loved how it was handled and stated that I had “grown a pair”. (High praise from that crowd.)
In hindsight, I am stunned to recognize that the decisions I make now are simply based on that I view are Best Practice. The 8 track of “Every Member A Missionary” is gone.
Anyone else see their world view shifting?
Sounds to me like you CTR’d, AP. 
Quote:GBSmith wrote:
“Sounds to me like you CTR’d”
GBSmith, It was the CTR answer. For sure.
As an LDS woman, I’m used to feeling a certain guilt over conflict. A CTR situation used to lead to concerns over who was offended and how could I best keep that to a minimum. There just wasn’t any guilt this time. None.
That is new in my life, and I like the change.
The big question is whether this background thought process was related to LDS culture or my family background and upbringing. But then again, maybe where it came from is less important than knowing that I have recognized the attitude and I have decided to leave it behind.
StayLDS has been cheap therapy. Thank you!!
AP, there are times in life you need to be willing to step up, kick butt, and take names and it sounds like that’s what you did. Plus in the right setting it gets you a rep and will keep you from being called to the nursery, RS president, etc.. Remember the only person you want to avoid offending is the Lord so keep on keepin’on. :thumbup: I no longer identify with being a Mormon when I am not in the presence of Mormons (I am a chameleon now, capable of blending in with different groups of people). So, I guess, yes, my attitude has changed. I give my opinion based on a number of factors a) What I feel is right b) what I feel I can “get away with” given the tension between cultural norms and practical goals, and the tension between total honesty and outright stupidity. I never approach situations from the perspective of a member missionary anymore — and never thought about that until now.
In fact, when people mention that I am a Mormon, I will often say “I am, but don’t think my belief system conforms with anything you think Mormons believe — I am very unorthodox in my belief system”.
I will say this — as I guess I have grown more forthright in my sometimes harsh opinions, I have learned some painful lessons. One SHOULD be diplomatic — not for kindness or character-building reasons, but for preserving relationships that are necessary for getting results in the future. In the last couple years I fired the aide of a local public official who behaved very badly — from a committee I chaired. This was after reaching out to her to resolve her reasons for walking out of a meeting and making derogatory comments about me. I did so with the support of the leaders in the organization to which I belonged. But later, this led to roadblocks from the public official as I have tried to do things that require the public official’s support. I regret the decision because it has hurt my ability to exert influence over the affairs in our community.
I also ticked off a group of people who represent the “old boys [persons] club” in a different community, and was never accepted by them even after making a great contribution. I have been told this is because they are staunch socialists and I am perceived as a right-wing business guy, as well as probably a host of other things since they know I am Mormon. However, they don’t know my true belief system….But I have also been rather forthright when I disagree with them on operational issues. Same with a local employee of local government. I have been asked my opinion and have given it (a contrarion one), and I believe it has hurt my ability to get access to certain resources.
One must try to have good relationships with as many people as possible, without being “two-faced”. A very delicate balance. Politicians HAVE to be that way (trying to accommodate everyone), but they often fail and it leads to mistrust. I have not yet learned how to do this, although I have a few weapons in my arsenal based on watching public figures.
I see that being capable of preserving good relationships is absolutely critical to achieving your goals, particularly in situations where you cannot get the results you want without the help of other people. This, for me, is the reason to be kind and diplomatic, and not necessarily for being a ‘light to the world”…
SilentDawning: Total agreement with your comments. Diplomacy is important. Bridges ought not to be burned.
Currently, I tell people that I was raised LDS, that my husband is LDS, but I’m not sure what I am .. That I’m not currently affiliated with any set belief system. I find myself cringing if someone calls me LDS. Kinda shocked me to feel myself cringe. But I did cringe. An uncomfortable truth.
amateurparent wrote:The big question is whether this background thought process was related to LDS culture or my family background and upbringing. But then again, maybe where it came from is less important than knowing that I have recognized the attitude and I have decided to leave it behind.
In my case it’s hard to untangle it all, and I agree that it’s kind of pointless to try. My parents were very capable people adrift in the world when they joined the church and gained instant community and borrowed roots.
It wasn’t an all bad thing, but growing up, we were LDS the way some of my friends were Italian. It seemed that it was supposed to define and explain nearly everything about us. amateurparent wrote:In hindsight, I am stunned to recognize that the decisions I make now are simply based on that I view are Best Practice. The 8 track of “Every Member A Missionary” is gone.
Anyone else see their world view shifting?
Yep – that rings true here. I am more worried about giving service to others in need than converting them to something.Quote:LookingHard wrote:Yep – that rings true here. I am more worried about giving service to others in need than converting them to something.
EXACTLY!
I don’t go around telling anyone I’m Mormon. If people figure it out or find out some other way, that’s fine with me. I am generally willing to say that I am not fully orthodox. I try to be a good person, not because I want people to think all Mormons are good and not because I want people to join the church. I do it because I want people to think I am a good person. I am Mormon, by heritage and choice. I’m just not what many Mormons would call a typical Mormon. So what? If other people don’t know I am Mormon, they will think nobody like me is Mormon – so, in a very important way, I speak up to represent all the members who are like me to some degree (in my ward and stake and beyond) but not as comfortable with themselves yet as I am with myself.
I am who I am, although I am trying to be the best “I am” possible. I care deeply about people and not hurting them, and I care about what they think of me to the extent that it impacts their ability to listen to me and respect my view to some degree – but, ultimately, I really don’t care about how anyone sees me but God and my wife and our children.
It isn’t always in that order.
I am not a representative of the LDS Church, excpet when I am on assignment in my calling – but I try not to be a hindrance to it. Even my critiques are meant to be supportive of what I see as progress and good change – continued pruning of the bad fruit, if you will. I am a representative of Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Parents all other times – and, since I accept who I am, those two rarely are in conflict.
That sort of peace is possible, but it doesn’t come naturally for most people who need a site like this.
As someone who participates in several different churches and interfaith events – the question of what church is your “home church” sometimes comes up. I just tell them that I am Mormon.
Most of the time they are either 1) just trying to categorize you / contextualize you. If they asked me what street I live on I would not feel the need to explain why I am not like my neighbors. or 2) looking for those without church affiliation that could then be persuaded to come to their church.
If the person is interested in anything more than that then they can ask follow-up questions.
Usually they just slink away as if I suddenly have bad breath…
:sick: There is nothing sudden about your bad breath, Roy. :silent: Roy and Ray: About bad breath and such .. A short thread jack ..
Years ago, our older daughter dated a Baptist boy. He went to church with us, and the next Sunday our daughter attended his church.
The youth pastor was so impressed with DD’s knowledge of scripture. He shook her hand after SS and asked where she attended and who her pastor was. She told him she was LDS. He froze, dropped her hand, and literally went to the water fountain and WASHED his hands in front of her and her BF.
Crazy to see the things that are done in the name of Christ.
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