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Just came through (I hope) one of the most hellish mental experiences I’ve had in a while with what I hope is a breakthrough. About 4 weeks ago I started feeling irreversibly blue. It was on the cusp of some holidays, and for some reason, I could not bring myself to “work” — household projects, personal development things I wanted to do, developing my little hobby business, time with family — all these things fell by the wayside as I could not bring myself to do anything but sleep, read, post here on StayLDS and watch television. Totally unlike me, who normally has to be busy as blazes or I feel I’m letting life go by. I judge the quality of my day by what I accomplish. The last three weeks were a downward spiral of inactivity, followed by regret for the inactivity, leading to more inactivity. It was awful.
Factors that led to my despondency were primarily the demise of my profession at the company I’m with, as well as repeated flashes to the past about stupid things I’d done, opportunities wasted, etcetera, my lack of enthusiasm about traditional church involvement, as well as anxiety about my son’s future health given a health problem he has.
But yesterday, things changed. I got fatigued from not being happy and just wanted it to be over. I had a day of near bliss all day. (And I’m not bi-polar).
It came when I realized I was totally sick and tired of feeling blue and anxious. My mind went back to a book I was reading a while ago called “The Power of Now” as well as one the Mormon Sunday School podcasts by Jared regarding Look to God and Live.
Both sources indicate that one gets happiness by enjoying THE MOMENT. For example, with what I’m experiencing now — writing out my thoughts online — I have no reason to feel blue or anxious. I’m comfortable at my computer, enjoying crystallizing my thoughts, and the hope of some interesting discussion and interaction with people here. The things I did in the past that I regret, hardly anyone remembers them except me. The things that could happen in the future ARE NOT happening right now, and in this moment, I have no reason to feel blue about anything — so long as I focus on this moment.
So I went through the day focusing only on what I was doing that day. A blanket over the television helped as well as hiding the remote controller from view, and I went about the day and was largely productive. I find it takes a certain amount of discipline to reject thoughts about the future or the past, but I hope this is a skill that I can develop as it was like night and day after the three weeks of listlessness I felt. Prayer throughout the day helped.
Are you successful in living in the moment? What do you do to keep yourself focused on now, and what impact does that have on your own personal happiness? how do you deal with those things in your past that make you wince, and the likely or possible things that could happen in the future that make you uncomfortable?
First, that is wonderful to read, SD. I’m happy for you and hope this can continue. One of the reasons I am at peace most of the time is that I have developed, generally but consciously, the ability to live in the moment. I think about future possibilities regularly – but not in an obsessive or anxious way. I simply consider them in order to be prepared for whatever I can control, but I don’t stress out about what I can’t control – and that is most things (really, the vast majority of things). Learning to let go of the need to control things has been liberating.
I think that ability also is tied directly to letting go of expectations toward others – both looking backward (obsessing over the past and what might have been) and forward (obsessing over the future and what might be), and letting go of expectations allows me to avoid a lot of the outrage, disappointment and bitterness that usually accompany unmet expectations.
Old-Timer wrote:First, that is wonderful to read, SD. I’m happy for you and hope this can continue.
That’s the key — will it continue. I find these things hard to sustain, but this represents a kind of new way of looking at the world. I had read the book The Power of Now a few months ago, but didn’t seem to be able to apply it until I got sick and tired of focusing on the past and future these past few weeks.
I appreciated hearing that you have that gift, to enjoy the Now, while still dealing with the future in the best way possible.
Another thing I got out of Jared’s Mormon Sunday School lesson on Look to God and Live was that it’s OK to focus on the past, provided you focus on the good things that happened in the past. This led to my reflecting on past successful training sessions with academics, some successful programs I’ve implemented, the many years I spent with my daughter in outside activities and teaching and training (no regrets there). And the fact that I did get a few productive things done over the last three weeks.
Anyway, the mental exercises people do to live IN THE PRESENT is something I’m interested in an hope to hear from others.
Ray — one thing I’d like to ask — you have been open about the fact that at times in your life and career, you were unemployed and had to seek help from the church. This is one thing that I dread ever having to do. What was your anxiety/depression level during those times, and how did you cope and stay happy (if you did)?
I don’t “deserve” financial help from the Church – but I have been active all my life, paid tithing and fast offerings, served extensively in callings, etc. It was hard for me to accept emotionally the need for help the first time, but I came to realize that it’s part of the ideal in the Church – giving what you can when you can and accepting what you need when you need. Pride before food and rent for my wife and kids? Nope. That got kicked out of me, and I’m glad it did.
I first tripped over this idea when I read Tuesdays With Morrie. I remember reading it on a vacation and wanting to run back to life and have everyone read it, hear it, live it. Especially church. This was a decade before the idea of a faith crisis even crossed my path. One of the reasons the idea struck me so hard, was I believe my grandmother lived by that principle. She was thrust into an orphanage at the age of 3 or 4. Suddenly life was not anything like it had been. This was in 1917 or something. Living in the present was the best way to function. It made low times temporary, and high times fulfilling. Years later we couldn’t wait to hear Grandma’s Orphanage stories. In a very twisted way, they were so wonderful – because she held on to only the good times or found the good in the tough times, we wanted to be orphans, too.
Because I have become cynical and less “present living” – I find I need to make myself focus on present life, people, etc. I have incorporated meditation into my life. It really works, not only does it calm me, but using affirming, building, inspiring meditation helps me look for ways to shut out the Monkey Mind/Distractions/ junk and fill in those times with purpose. I also make time for people. When I do I feel more fulfilled. A bike ride with my son, eating breakfast with my daughter, driving range with my husband (I am not a great golfer, but we are there together.) I also turn off the radio in the car. I want to present when some one else is riding with me, even if they are silent. I want to hear their silence.
You’ll have lonely, sad, depressed days – it’s natural, like rain, on those days – acknowledge the low, see if you can find it’s source (it’s usually a personal expectation), then let go – get up and build something, a relationship, a water color painting, a garden. Put your brain into the “building” you will find the rain just drifts away.
I love this topic.
SD, That is good news. I’m happy for you. In spite of all the bad this that are happening in the world today, we deserve to find happiness on some level.
(I’m not sure what that means.)
Hey SD, I’m sorry that you have been experiencing difficulty, but also glad you have found some solace. Perhaps that experience has given you some additional insight and appreciation for things that others of us (mostly myself) take for granted.
You bring up a great question and it’s something I struggle with as well: to live in the moment. It’s the old cliche, life is a journey not a destination, and I feel like I have focused a lot more on the destination over my life.
One thing I will say about my faith transition is that I have started valuing the moments more, simply because I have no idea what’s next. My lack of knowledge has, in effect, compelled me to be more conscientious of trying to be “here” a lot more since this might be all we have. Still working at it
Thanks Redbelt. Yesterday was better and today I seem to be firing on all cylinders again. The ability to control and direct one’s thoughts is critical to a happy life. I wish I’d mastered it as a kid. I look at these successes with a healthy skepticism — it’s so easy to slip back into old ways of thinking. Years ago, I overcame worry about a nervous system problem I’d developed. I was twitching and experiencing pinprick sensations every 18 seconds or so, on average, throughout my entire body. I had to tape my baby toes to my foot to stop the tremors from preventing sleep at night for a few weeks. It is a possible symptom of Lou Gehrig’s disease or maybe MS. I had tests and they came back without any issues.
The neurologist said he’d have to “wait until it localized” — that was back in 2006, 8 years ago. I worried like crazy for about a year. Even now, every day, I have these little tremors (like the kind you get in your eyelids) as a reminder of a possible problem regularly, although they are not severe anymore.
Given how distressing it was, I finally decided I had to live in the moment. “It’s not affecting me right now, so I’m not going to worry about it” is what I had to tell myself every time the little tremor (also called a fasciculation) would happen, nudging me to worry.
THAT phrase “its not affecting me now, so I’m not going to worry about it” has become a habit for me to the point I normally don’t worry about the nervous system “anomaly” I have, and frankly, the twitches have gotten better and better over the years (knock wood). I wish I could do that in all other aspects of my life, and I think the IN THE MOMENT mentality is a stepping stone toward that permanent kind of peace regarding other possible distressing events.
Worry and anxiety are strange. I have drawn a diagram here about worry.
[attachment=0]Worry Decision Tree 12 12.jpg[/attachment] You can see that the line under the title is a time line. NOW is the present moment, and TIME OF POTENTIAL CRISIS is the date at which the crisis actually occurs (if it even does). The space beween NOW and TIME OF POTENTIAL CRISIS is the period during which you are not in the crisis.
Underneath the time line is a decision tree. At the square node, you can either decide to worry, or not worry.
If you worry, then the period until the point at which you know if the crisis happens (CRISIS HAPPENS, or CRISIS DOES NOT HAPPEN) is wasted. And this waste occurs whether or not the crisis actually materializes.
If you choose not to worry, NOW until the crisis manifests itself is productive and you are happy.
From the decision tree, there is no good reason to worry. The only result of worry is it ruins the period when you are free of the crisis!!! And by the way, 2 of the branches beyond the round nodes are “CRISIS DOES NOT HAPPEN”.
Someone once said “Who says worry doesn’t accomplish anything? The things I worry about never happen!!!”.
Unitask. Checking my email, facebook and text messaging frequently pulls me out of the moment. I find it easier to lose myself in the moment when I give 100% of my attention to a single purpose, so I turn off email notifications, block sites that distract me, and keep my cell phone in a different room. I also find it helpful to consider my relationship with time. Living in the moment is only a third of the equation, for me.
I can regret the past, stress about the present, and worry about the future.
Or
I can learn from the past, be mindful in the present, and prepare for the future.
President Monson’s official facebook page actually posted a quote from a conference talk that addresses some points in this topic.
“I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now.”
It’s a great talk
It’s an absolutely phenomenal talk. First time I’ve heard a prophet’s voice really resonate with me in a long time. I downloaded it so I could listen to it periodically. Thanks Unknown, for posting that. I think everyone should look it over.
Every paragraph has something throught provoking and inspiring in it.
This is a great topic. Thanks for posting it. I want to add something here. I was on anti-depressants for about 5 weeks. It should’ve taken 3 weeks for them to kick in, says the monograph that came with them, and they didn’t “kick in” for some reason. I then decided I would try “living in the moment”, while still taking the meds. I saw improvement immediately due to simply changing my thinking — by refusing to fret the past or worry about the future — focusing on my enjoyment of the here and now. It was this cognitive change I forced on myself, not the meds.
I ran out of these meds over a week ago. The description says that you may feel MORE DEPRESSED if you stop taking them for a while. I felt none of that — so long as I disciplined my thoughts to focus on the enjoyment and comfort of the moment. I did feel a bit sleepy after I stopped taking them — like I’m about to fall asleep, but don’t actually ever get there, but that’s the only effect of stopping the meds. No reduction in happiness etcetera.
I want to share this only because it represents something that I’m starting to believe is a bit of a breakthrough for me. I’ve been able to sustain this for a while, in spite of some bad news and frustrations happening over the period I’ve started living in the moment. I always have a healthy skepticism about such things though — the test is whether they are sustainable over time, and time will tell. But at least for now, I feel I have another arrow in my quiver against anxiety and depression.
I would love to hear other’s comments about how they “live in the moment”, and experience happiness as a result.
SD, I’m glad your approach to depression has worked for you. Because of the complexity of depression diagnosis, I would encourage anyone considering changing the dosage or discontinuing their medication, to do it with the approval of their health care provider. There can be some very serious consequences if the medication is discontinued abruptly. I’m not an expert. My DW has severe depression & stops taking her meds from time to time convinced she is cured. The result can be very scary for our family. Yes, I realize this worked for me. The depression was usually short lived for me if I took the meds. It’s not severe, but when it hits me, it can be a real downer. Something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I realize this approach only worked for me, and who knows if it will work for the long term. Or if something really bad happens. I too would discourage anyone from stopping meds abruptly. In my case, it seems to have had no effect. I think living in the moment includes taking things one day, or one hour or one minute, at a time when you are struggling with a difficult situation. It is so easy for us to look into the future, see no end to our difficulties, and become discouraged. But when you start asking yourself if you can make it for at least the next hour or day, and you realize you can make it at least that long, you start to be able to face your difficulties with more hope.
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