Lost, sad and confused.

[Anonymous]

Vincent53 wrote:

I’ve served and sacrificed all my life. Right now I’m feeling betrayed, let down, confused, sad and angry.

I certainly feel this way too, and am struggling to get past this stage in my faith journey. You are not alone.

Vincent53 wrote:

My shelf went on to a full collapse beginning last March after I discovered podcasts on Mormon history.

Not everyone who delves into Church history has a crisis of faith, but many (including me) have. I tried to stay to the “faith promoting” Church-approved or apologetic resources, but eventually I couldn’t make the mental gymnastics work for me any more.

Vincent53 wrote:

I’m 1st counselor in the bishopric in our ward, some days I just want to jump ship, but I feel stuck in the middle not wanting to be a quitter and wondering how I can even bear testimony. I used to be able to say “I know”, but now I really don’t know what I know or believe. The church has been a good thing in my life, I want to stay, but I wonder how I do that now.

I used to feel the same, but now I realize it is perfectly appropriate to testify using words such as “I believe” or “I hope”. It’s ok to not know. Concentrate on the good that the Church is in your life and the reasons you want to stay.

Vincent53 wrote:

My wife doesn’t want to hear any of this, so I’m alone in this struggle.

Boy, I know how you feel. It’s so hard to not be able to talk to your spouse about this. But try to see it from her perspective, too. If your wife is like mine, she is 100% fully invested in the Church and the prophet will never lead us astray. Seeing your spouse struggle with doubt and questioning belief is a very scary and threatening thing to someone like this. Don’t worry though. It may feel like you are alone, but you’re not. We really do understand.

Good luck to you, brother. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. One thing that has been really helpful to me to reframe how I look at life now is Jon Ogden’s e-book (only $5):

https://www.amazon.com/When-Mormons-Doubt-Relationships-Quality-ebook/dp/B01D7T93CQ

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