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*clears throat* Hello there!
I have been lurking here for the past 3 or 4 months and finally got the courage to make an account. I have enjoyed reading all of your different perspectives and beliefs. I feel like I kind of know you guys to some extent. I also love reading some of your blogs. I am excited to be part of the “StayLDS Ward.”
Now a little bit about me: I grew up in the church, fully active, enjoyed young womens, attended EFY, graduated from seminary, went to girls camp every year, etc. I was pretty much the typical TBM. I am now in my 20’s, single, with no kids.
Growing up, I felt a little agitated at the “Families are Forever” concept. I was taught families who weren’t sealed in the temple, can’t be together forever. Thankfully, I don’t look at the temple literally anymore. I actually love the concept of eternal families. I come from a part-active family. My immediate family is actually not sealed.
Something that has been bothering me more recently is the 1 year policy between a civil wedding and a temple sealing. I don’t really agree with it. Since I’m in my 20’s, I have been thinking a lot about the day I get married. I want to have a traditional wedding and get “sealed” in the temple without having to wait a year. Hopefully this policy will change soon. I think learning about the 1 year policy was the catalyst that started my faith crisis/transition. After I questioned that, I started to question pretty much everything I have been learning at church my whole life.
Once my faith crisis hit, I suddenly felt like I was in a dark room all by myself. I didn’t know what was up or what was down. I couldn’t find the light switch or a wall to lean on. After going online to different sites, I finally found you guys. This site has seriously been an answer to my prayers. It sort of feels like you all joined me in this dark room with your own personal flashlights lighting up the room for me. Now I feel like I have my own flashlight too. Thank you guys so much! I don’t know where I would be if internet forums didn’t exist. I hope I can continue learning from all of you.
And I say these things in……jk!
🙂 (Edited to correct wording)
Welcome, and I’m glad you’re out in the open (although I have nothing against lurkers). Your description of the faith crisis being alone in a dark room is very much like what I felt. I mentioned the rumors about changing the one year waiting policy to a TBM friend of mine a few days ago and I thought he was going to go into shock. I honestly didn’t expect that reaction from him or I wouldn’t have shared it. We discussed it a bit further and I explained what I thought were the issues and how it especially alienates non-member family members who can’t see their daughter or favorite niece get married. He did see the point of view, but in the end said “I guess they had better beef up the temple prep classes.”
Don’tKnow, welcome. Quote:This site has seriously been an answer to my prayers. It sort of feels like you all joined me in this dark room with your own, personal flashlights lighting up the room for me. Now, I feel like I have my own flashlight, too. Thank you guys so much! I don’t know where I would be if internet forums didn’t exist. I hope I can continue learning from all of you.
And I say these things in……jk!
I love the imagery there.About the temple thing, my son is getting married in the temple this summer and even though I have a current TR, as I wrote on another post, I’m keeping my mouth shut about my FC because I won’t do anything to miss that once in a lifetime event.
PS – loved your ending. Hilarious!
😆 Welcome. I look forward to hearing your perspective. On the one year wait, my suggestion is don’t hold your breath. I expect that the policy will eventually change. I give it a 5% chance of changing in the next year, and a 50% chance of changing in the next 20. If you want a traditional wedding outside the temple, then make that your priority. The Sealing is about the next life anyway, so while waiting a year is inconvenient, it doesn’t really change anything. In THIS life, you are no more married after being sealed than you are after a traditional wedding. You said that you want to have a traditional wedding and then to get sealed without having to wait a year. Two of those three things are in your control. One is not. To borrow a line from Mars Attacks: two out of three ain’t bad.
Welcome! I have heard many stories of how crushed non-member or otherwise non temple going family members have been when made to wait outside the temple. I think it is a horrible thing to do when we say we value families. If I was in the position of planning a wedding with family members that could not view a temple wedding, I would want to put family first and have a public wedding. But that’s me, every situation is complex.
I’m glad you found us!
I am walking out the door or I would write a longer welcome to you. But I wanted to give you a virtual HUG and officially welcome you. I got teary eyed reading your post (my 5 year old is now looking at me with a concerned cute look). I loved your imagery as well. Glad you found us and your own flashlight. A faith transition can be a lonely place, can’t wait to hear more from you and I hope you come back often and share your concerns, beliefs and heart with us. Welcome to our ward!!
Don’tKnow, Welcome to the forum. To keep your quip going, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this forum has helped keep me sane and has made my life better.
I don’t have much to add to what others have said except to commend you for confronting your faith transition at your age. When I was your age I was too busy trying to prove the church was corret through metaphysics and other mental gymnastics. You still have many life decisions in front of you and can make them with “open eyes.”
Love your username…I used to have a picture of Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes as my avatar because he would always say “I know NOTHING!!!” (visualize a German accent here). I’m also a non-supporter of the one year waiting period. Won’t go into it, but there’s a thread on it within the last week that was active. You will see various perspectives.
It would be nice to know what the closest country to America is, where you can get married civilly and in the temple on the same day. We are so big geographically in the United States and Canada, it’s a hike either way….what about Mexico — could a person get married there as a non-Mexican citizen, and then go to the temple the same day? Bit of an extreme proposition, but when I was engaged the first time, my bride to be was British, and her family was over there. We were thinking of flying everyone over there because you can do the dual wedding concept on the same day.
I wish we had’ve just gotten married civily and then had the whole Mormon side of the family go to the temple for and endowment and sealings afterwards. Have the bride take out her endowments at some other time, before she gets married, and make a temple day of it. Have a reception in the evening.
That way everyone knows you are worthy and that you are accommodating non-member family, not that you couldn’t keep your hands off each other…best of both worlds.
Welcome. I like the dark room analogy. To extend it a bit I think there are some days where I just want to sit in a dark room, allow my eyes time to adjust, and perceive what light was in the room that I couldn’t previously perceive.
And I don’t want to clutter your introduction thread so I’ll bump the one year penalty thread:
http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5088http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5088” class=”bbcode_url”> Welcome! We all really do see through a glass, darkly – but too many people wear blinders, as well. Natural darkness is one thing; self-enforced darkness is another thing entirely.
I hope we can continue to share whatever light we see – and help you see whatever light is best for you.
DK: Welcome to the site, or at least out of lurkerdom. I would ballpark the civil marriage change at 50% possibility within the next 1 year, so maybe I’m the resident optimist here. I agree it’s divisive the way it is today. I had been thinking it would be great to have a singles group of those who have had a faith crisis, but the more progress I see in the church, the more it seems that instead, the church is in many ways taking the wind out of the sails of the zealots (not an easy feat), making them more likely to be open minded to people with doubts. What a church that would be!
Hi, DontKnow – Glad you found the site. Have your eyes adjusted to the lighting? 🙂 I think you’ll get good advice here. I sure wish that we could have weddings with music, color, heartfelt vows and the people we love! A sealing is very perfunctory, IMO.Hi and welcome to the forum. Great to have you with us. I look forward to your contribution to the website. Thanks everyone for replying! I really appreciate everything you all have said. I love how supportive and helpful you all are. You guys know how to make someone feel welcomed and part of the group. I also have a good feeling the one year policy will change. IMO, I think it will change within the next 5 years. Thanks again!
Welcome, welcome. Although I hope you don’t make a habit of “exposing” yourself. 
:lolno:
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