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I look at Staylds and Nom often but don’t post much anymore. I like to read topics that interest me and think about them. There was a random group of quizzes on some link at NOM by Richard Packham and I took the two first. I actually did good on the first and horrible on the second but I was surprised to have gotten a good score on the first. I think I did good because of my RSR reading .. forum reading etc. BIG MISTAKE – I asked DH to take it. I honestly didn’t look into who the author was … I didn’t read into the wording of each question, just answered quick and thats about it!
DH immediately started accusing me of only thinking I knew these stupid questions b/c all I read is anti stuff. Stay-lds is pretty much the only place I like and consider respectful. He began screaming at me saying I was offending his upbringing and screaming that he didn’t care about any of the history of the church, even if it happened.
I looked back at the questions and did see an agenda. I apologized for seeming insensitive and just throwing something like that out there with little to no thought about it. I told him I felt like an A**H***.
He wasn’t upset with the quiz but upset with how I reacted to his reaction. I told him if he calmed down and took the emotion out of taking it … that it would be a stupid quiz just like taking a quiz about any other religion. Ooops.
He apologized and insisted he wasn’t even sure why he was screaming. He thinks he has a lott of anger that needed to be released?
He asked if I don’t believe anymore than why do I even look or care about Stay-lds. I didn’t have the energy (I’m 4 months prego and really emotional) to say … “Look I was depressed about church history for months … It destroyed my life for some time” .. “I have a right to learn and think about it if I please..and try to come out on top” But all I could come up with was “I can learn about different theories if I want to.”
I did this to prevent a 20 minute crying session and a possibility of throwing up!
I had no idea he would react so harshly to me … jumping to 100 conclusions. It was actually very hurtful. Anyway …. advice would be cool
Maybe it was that time of the month for him. 😳 Joking aside, it sounds to me like he might be scared of losing you. That doesn’t justify his reaction in the slightest, but if such a fear has been building for a while and he feels like everything he holds dear is slipping away . . .
If he is open to talking with someone here who is completely active and serving in a stake leadership position, send me a private message. I’ll give you my e-mail address and cell phone number.
Hi LaLaLove! Good to see you again. So sorry for the trauma. The best I can come up with is religion can be an emotional topic. As you described yourself “I was depressed about church history for months … It destroyed my life for some time.” I would bet that he doesn’t want to go through anything like that for himself. People often react harshly when they feel threatened. That is not excusing the actions, it is simply trying to understand the source. Moving forward I would try to stress that you don’t have an agenda to destroy his faith. The quiz ended up being an insensitive request, try to consider his feelings more carefully before initiating related topics. I know this is all obvious, I am no well of wisdom.
Hope everything goes well. Congrats on the baby!
It sounds like you are handling it well. Saying to yourself and to him and to us that it was a big mistake is, I think, key. The experience was, I think, a valuable insight for you into his perspective. It was, you might say, a sort of reality check for you. You may not have realized before that experience how conditioned you were to the antagonistic. In fact, your experience gives me an opportunity to consider the delicate sensitivities of my own soul and whether I am nourishing myself as I should whether in the LDS Church and tradition or in other traditions. Unfortunately the little argument brought about feelings in me that I thought were dying. It felt like I was being accused and belittled .. while in the meantime .. the church was slowly being put on a pedestal throughout the argument. I don’t like how it made me feel .. It made me dispise the church for a short while in my mind. In a jealous way. I know he felt threatened. He was trying to stand up for something he loves – but was really upset to find that I thought the quizzes were harmless – if taken as a learning type of excercise. He was so upset that I seemed to be taking the side of the author of these quizzes than him and the church. He said I seemed completely withdrawn from seeing this. After re-checking it, like I said, I did see an agenda but it didn’t “hurt” me. I was numb to it. But I don’t think that is a bad thing?! He did feel bad for yelling and admitted to not even knowing what happened … and why it happened so fast.
Yes Tom! I told him “Maybe I needed to be yelled at”. He asked why and I said I needed to know I was being insensitive. I needed that humility. I obviously can’t unload whatever I want on him …. Things that I believe to be harmless/silly/or numb to can mean the world to him. I saw a learning experience, something that was fun and he saw a slap in the face .. from some “Anti” mormon trying to point out everything bad about the church in a few quizzes. The only bad thing is he was most upset with me not agreeing with him. That is something I can’t do. But I can definitely avoid situations like that!
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