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We’ve got a great set of Elders in our ward, they stop by periodically and visit with us. A few weeks ago the ward mission leader came by with them, and mentioned that our family was talked about in PEC, and the impression came to him that we should allow the missionaries to start teaching our family in our home. It gives the missionaries practice and is good for the member families to know the missionaries and how they speak so we can feel comfortable having our friends taught in our home. I think there is more in his mind behind it, as he believes I need this now…but I don’t want to assume his motives nor do I care much. It will either be a good thing for our family, or a non-event. I’m open to letting it play out and see.
The missionaries have started coming over every week for about 3 visits now. The lessons are so very basic, there is nothing in them I can disagree with. I have noticed my family really enjoys the discussions and it brings a wonderful peace into our home. My kids ask questions, the missionaries answer, and sometimes I add my own perspectives, and it leads to a great discussion. I think it has shown how I can have my own view of things, but see how it fits into traditional missionary teachings and my kids have their perspective on things as we’re all at different stages…and we all can share a good experience together in a tolerant way. So far, it really has been a blessing in our home.
I wondered if anyone else has had this opportunity to have missionaries teach in the home and if experiences have been similar or not so similar to mine?
We have them over occasionally for dinner, and they always share a thought / mini-lesson. A couple have been a bit cheesy, but it’s been a good experience each time. I really like the missionaries we’ve had lately (over the last 5 years, probably).
Our missionaries were over tonight for dinner, talk & a brief lesson. I always enjoy their enthusiasm & zeal. They seem very innocent. They also seem to be very “unclottered” with worrys of the world.
They have one goal, to teach the gospel.
The doctrine is usually very basic & straight forward.
Very refreshing.
Mike from Milton
I hate to be the downer, but I had a similar yet very different experience. The 1st counselor in the Bishopric told my wife that he was feeling prompted to send the missionaries over to our home to teach the discussions. My wife said that would be fine. When she told me about it she was hopeful. We had been struggling with testimony issues/ feeling fellowshipped and we thought this might help.
The missionaries stopped by unannounced about a week later and told us that they had been by the bishopric to visit. They asked us if we knew why they were to come over. We of course responded that this was the bishopric’s inspired idea. They said something about it not being part of their mandate and then they mumbled something about going to check with the ZL.
A month passes and we have the “M”s over for dinner. I opened up and let them know that we were actually quite looking forward to having them come over and do the new discussions – I tell them that since DW and I both speak Spanish this would have the added benefit of familiarizing us to the new lesson formats so that DW and I can help teach Spanish speaking investigators. They said they would get back to me.
A few more weeks pass and I see the “M”s at the ward X-mas party. I ask if they have had a chance to ask someone if there is some prohibition against visiting active members and he says that they totally forgot but this time he has it written in his little planner so now he will remember.
I resent the missionaries. I am wondering what they have going on in their day that they are so busy. It’s not like we are having a flood of convert baptisms. I am trying to cut them some slack because I know that (as 20-ish yr old boys) being considerate does not come naturally to them. Up until this point, I have kept it fairly positive and tried to avoid the awkward “you have offended me” conversation. I’m mainly afraid that if I am frank with them then it will mean laying all my cards out on the table and becoming vulnerable.
So I get it that it is not the missionaries job to strengthen the members. I also get it that the bishopric is really ill suited for a counseling role – but I am left to wonder what is looks like to be “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”
Those experiences just stink, Roy. I’m glad we haven’t had missionaries like that in our wards for quite some time. Roy wrote:The missionaries stopped by unannounced about a week later and told us that they had been by the bishopric to visit. They asked us if we knew why they were to come over. We of course responded that this was the bishopric’s inspired idea. They said something about it not being part of their mandate and then they mumbled something about going to check with the ZL.
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I resent the missionaries. … I am left to wonder what is looks like to be “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”
I think, sometimes, that language is very telling. The term ‘mandate’ comes from mandatum in Latin, and it’s first use in a Christian context comes from John 13, “A new commandment [mandatum novum] i give unto you, that ye love one another.”. Thus theonly mandate of Jesus was, is, and ever will be to love one another. When I was WML, we had really bad missionaries, over and over. Turns out that our ward, being very proximate to the mission home and office, was the place to put missionaries who had ‘health’ problems, or needed close monitoring. We didn’t have a single baptism for 3 years: rock bottom of the mission. We got some real arrogant turkeys who were determined to change the reputation of our ward, and they sound just like roy’s missionaries. After that senior left frustrated with how bad and non supportive I was of his arrogant schemes, the junior took over. Within two months, both were sent home after having three way oral sex with a high school kid… True story.
The APs were sent in to fix the situation. Fortunately, they were both very mature and driven by love. They had one objective–to reconnect the missionaries to the ward in love– they didn’t have a lot of time, so they realized that member support was essential. With the spirit of love they walked down their first street, and instead of knocking doors, a woman came to them asking to be taught with her family. Other strong investigators followed. Other APs came and went. The ward members circled around each new family in fellowship– there was no rush to baptize, only love. Gospel Essentials became a large class of strong members fellowshipping new found friends. Historical and doctrinal difficulties were talked about openly and in love. For the next year, we had the highest number of baptisms of any other English speaking ward in the mission. The new members all stayed active without exception. I think it was a very fortunate confluence of great members and great missionaries– it can work, but often does not.
I believe the typical mission focus on numbers and baptisms is wrong headed. It doesn’t work, and doesn’t help. It constitutes an ugly aspect of the church. (there are certainly others, too). I love what is reflected in this thread–liahona LDS willing to reach out to the missionaries in love to help each other. I think these young men and women need help, as do we: and if we can reach out to them in love, opening their hearts to the weightier matters of the gospel, I think lives can be transformed.
Interesting experiences, Roy and Wayfarer. So much of the experience is completely dependent on individuals…whether those missionaries are “good ones” or not.
In a lot of ways, missions and missionary work is a type or example of church service and church in general. Individuals in callings make such a huge difference and experiences vary so widely from bad experiences like SD has gone through, to great experiences Ray and others have experienced with local members.
Our missionaries plan to come by today again for another lesson. We have great Elders and they aren’t too busy with investigators at the moment. But I could see the argument that could be made, that if our PEC or bishopric felt our family needed something, it isn’t really the missionaries’ responsibility, it should be the ward. But I like it when rules are not strictly enforced and good people just do good things, regardless of the hierarchical responsibilities, with love and caring for individual circumstances. When they get caught up in rules, it turns out more like Roy’s experience and that is unfortunate.
There are good missionaries and not so good ones, just like there are good bishops and church members, just like there are good people and not so good outside the church. It is interesting how human nature is such a big factor to our experience with religion, ironically, when many look at pursuing religion to find divinity that is above human nature…yet it can’t be experienced any way but through imperfect humans.
Oh, and the other thought is, Roy….don’t apologize for being a downer. Your experience is valid, and should be brought up in our forum. That is what makes this real and worthwhile for others to come and read and see their experiences match yours or Ray’s or mine or others’. You seem to handle it pretty well, despite it being a frustrating scene. Thanks for your honesty! I watched my kids as the missionaries taught, there were object lessons and finger motions as the Elders went through a clever way of remembering the 10 commandments. I could see it was the teaching style, not the content being taught, that engaged my family. There was so much laughter and back and forth playful comments as the missionaries took us through the lesson. I didn’t feel a inner spiritual confirmation or enlightenment…but the spirit of our family enjoying time with the missionaries and a gospel lesson was just great to feel. The missionaries stayed for dinner, and the WML excused himself to go back to his family. As I walked him to the door, he said, “I feel a great spirit in you home, Brother Heber. It seems your family is really doing well.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant by it, by responded, “Yes, and that is even with skipping church today! I am finding sometimes it is important to pull back from the church a bit in order to focus on the family’s needs. We go through ups and downs like everyone else. We’re just doing our best to be a happy family.”
As I think about Roy’s experience, I can’t help be grateful we have a couple of great Elders that have a sense of humor, are responsible in keeping our appointments, and exemplify good young men that talk about spiritual things. I can see my kids respond to them. I realize this is just luck, and that soon other personalities will be transferred to this area, probably with something to offer some other family or individual in need. But for now, we like our elders.
Heber13 wrote:don’t apologize for being a downer. Your experience is valid, and should be brought up in our forum.
I wasn’t sure that it was appropriate for the spiritual stuff section (it surely wasn’t spiritual), but I appreciate being able to talk about it here. I guess I hadn’t fully realized how upset I had become over it, but as I was typing there were strong emotions at play.
I think there may be more at play than just the typical 20-ish boy/man lack of consideration. In Sunday school last week there was a sentence in the lesson manual that said that after the final judgment we will return to live with our Heavenly Father. One brother said that even after this point we will not be ready to enjoy the fullness of the Celestial Kingdom and shall have to grow and prepare more. I said that maybe the final judgment doesn’t come until we are prepared for it and that the “final judgment” can come at different times for different people. I saw the Elders sitting behind me out of the corner of my eye, and when I made my comment I saw the senior companion elbow his junior companion and roll his eyes. It is quite possible that the whole not wanting to visit us incident is because I have already been labeled as a dissenter/shirker (or whatever) in the missionaries minds and that makes a handy excuse to dismiss/marginalize me. It is human nature to dismiss people who are different. (after class I talked to the teacher about my Grandfather that was never a member – though he married a member, sent a son on a mission and had all of his children marry in the temple – and about how the family was “sealed” one year after his death. I told about how at the time I thought it was all for naught [how many chances does one person get?] but in the intervening decade I have had opportunities to reconsider God’s capacity for mercy even beyond death. I felt the teacher and I came to an understanding, funny how everything changes when you can talk one on one.)
I have decided against confronting the missionaries. Even if we could guilt them into visiting our family, who really wants to receive a service that is done grudgingly? I’m not even sure I could be successful in shaming them (something that would give me some level of dark satisfaction) as I think they have the “trump card” of comfortably thinking that whatever happened and whoever may have been at fault – they are going to CK and I am not.
What I
havedecided is to attend the other ward. The New Year gives me a perfect pretext for this (since I sometimes work Sunday mornings and my current ward will be meeting in the mornings this year.) The other ward is bigger and has a glut of young families for us to socialize with. I got to the other ward late yesterday and stood in the foyer as I heard the speaker talk about how God loves him unconditionally (like his earthly mother). He said that he has made many mistakes in his life but continues to move forward and “try again tomorrow,” throughout this process he has felt the encouragement and love of his earthly mother and his Heavenly Father. It was great! Though I don’t have all the answers and I have some fear of being in a dead end scenario if this new ward turns less hospitable (maybe it is me, maybe I’m the stick in the mud gumming up the whole process, where would we go if we couldn’t go to either ward?), I am hopeful and doing the best I know how for me and my family. Indeed, I am finding my own adaptation to Heber’s statement:
Heber13 wrote:I am finding sometimes it is important to pull back from the church a bit in order to focus on the family’s needs. We go through ups and downs like everyone else. We’re just doing our best to be a happy family.”
Quote:I have decided against confronting the missionaries. Even if we could guilt them into visiting our family, who really wants to receive a service that is done grudgingly?
Exactly – and why exacerbate a conflict that doesn’t need to be active in the first place? You are the agent unto yourself, and I like the way you have chosen to act and not be acted upon.
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