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Read the following post. Now. It has application not only to her specific topic but to faith crises / transitions, as well. Seriously. Read it. Now.
Thanks Ray – It has been one of those down weeks for me (I think the new essays and how I feel about them) and it has been hard to maintain a more positive outlook on the church. But I appreciate the parallel you drew to faith crisis and I need to work on being a bit more forgiving. I guess forgiveness doesn’t mean that everything is the same as it was, but it’s about the opportunity to move forward without the weight of the past holding you down.
Something for me to work on…
Ouch. Amen. and Thanks. So much to work on and yet so much hope for brighter futures – wherever the pain comes from. That’s a great loving perspective, and a good lesson in forgiveness. Quote:If your ex-spouse loves your kids, honors responsibilities, and shows up— it’s time to get over yourself.
But I also notice the “If” in that statement.
There will be some unique situations where that “if” is not met…and then, it is not about forgiveness, but about responsibility.
The way I see it, there may not be bitterness and anger, but sometimes responsibility, that mean that forgiveness does not include allowing others to do what they want to us, and we still invite them into our home and show we are loving. In some situations, forgiveness is about the part in the article where she says she won’t let it determine our future, and we keep love in our hearts, and at the same time protect our children by not associating with some people or some institutions. Unconditional acceptance of others and their actions is not responsible.
I believe the Lord teaches us to forgive all people, no exceptions. But He also says to trust Him, not the arm of flesh (D&C 1:19).
There are times this wonderful scene of the family all eating together on the holidays would just plain be wrong in teaching proper values to the children. We can’t judge everyone that has been divorced and think we know for them how they should treat their ex-spouses and what should be done on the holidays.
But if it is just about getting over our prideful hate, ya…that is a good reminder to let that go.
Thanks, Ray. I think you’re right, what she says is very applicable to faith crisis and to moving beyond. I can very well relate to what she is saying – it’s important to let go of the anger, bitterness, etc. I know it’s hard and it takes time, but it’s important. DarkJedi wrote:Thanks, Ray. I think you’re right, what she says is very applicable to faith crisis and to moving beyond. I can very well relate to what she is saying – it’s important to let go of the anger, bitterness, etc. I know it’s hard and it takes time, but it’s important.
I agree DJ. But even with a faith crisis…one might be able to let go of bitterness and anger…but still have the “IF” conditions that need to be met or worked through before returning to the fold has the comfortable feeling of a family at a holiday dinner.The Church does that…they won’t excommunicate you “IF” you comply and stop doing some things. But if you don’t comply, they move ahead to uninvite you from the holiday dinner.
Similarly, those who struggle to stay need to know if the church can help them feel closer to God or bring peace in their life, despite the issues that they are faced with. If not…they don’t really want to be at the holiday dinner.
The reunion and happy ending is what we all want. And there is safety to pursue it only when terms and conditions are met and out of the way, so we can allow our hearts to accept things as they are and be able to be happy.
Its not as simple as “Just forgive, and all is right.” However, I believe the mission of StayLDS includes helping people see that separating oneself from the holiday dinner isn’t the only option. Find out “IF” things can be worked out, or if the conditions we thought we had were unrealistic and can be adjusted. If we can find the safe foundation…then the modern family model can work (ie. new ways to look at Mormonsim), as we let go of pride.
Yes, the “ifs” are important – but they aren’t as numerous as we often think in the heat of the moment. Usually, forgiveness is unconditional. At least that’s the way Christ taught it. And forgiveness doesn’t mean trust, and it doesn’t mean re-engagement. While I agree its not good to be bitter, I have found that my personality doesn’t lend itself to quick forgiveness. I’ve given up on that. But I do agree with forging new relationships, while leaving the ones that are no longer harmonious or, in my view, worth investing in, behind. Of course, I’m talking about my community service which has replaced my prior church service.
Just as the author of the article above moved on to a new relationship, so have I moved on from dedicating my time and life to our church. I’m still involved, but the church is a guest in my life, just as her ex-husband is an occasional guest in her home. And she invites him into her life primarily for her children — just as I let the church in for that reason as well.
I get what you’re saying, Heber, and it’s exactly why I exiled myself from the church for so many years. In reality if some of the ifs had happened sooner I would have come back earlier. Nevertheless, the ifs were a necessary part of the process. This whole idea, not in these words and not as direct, was conveyed in my talk on Sunday. Old-Timer wrote:Read the following post. Now. It has application not only to her specific topic but to faith crises / transitions, as well.
Seriously. Read it. Now.
http://dandelionmama.com/2014/10/29/modern-family/
:clap: Thanks Ray for posting this! She is an incredible woman that teaches with her life! SilentDawning wrote:Usually, forgiveness is unconditional. At least that’s the way Christ taught it. And forgiveness doesn’t mean trust, and it doesn’t mean re-engagement. While I agree its not good to be bitter, I have found that my personality doesn’t lend itself to quick forgiveness. I’ve given up on that.
But I do agree with forging new relationships, while leaving the ones that are no longer harmonious or, in my view, worth investing in, behind. Of course, I’m talking about my community service which has replaced my prior church service.
Just as the author of the article above moved on to a new relationship, so have I moved on from dedicating my time and life to our church. I’m still involved, but the church is a guest in my life, just as her ex-husband is an occasional guest in her home. And she invites him into her life primarily for her children — just as I let the church in for that reason as well.
Good point SD,
There is no need to lash out at the church or people’s faith in it. That is helpful to nobody and will pollute relationships with loved ones. We should be able to be civil and work together for the greater good. We probably know that there are some topics that will bring disagreement, acrimony, and discord. It would be wise to steer clear of those topics.
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