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I have been mourning the loss of my religion, even though I am trying to hang on to it. I feel like a close relative has died. Has anyone else experienced this?I am having strong doubts regarding the existence of God, but I still have a testimony of Jesus Christ. I realize that doesn’t really make sense. The atoning sacrifice of Christ is felt deep in my heart. I just don’t feel the same way about a Heavenly Father.
I don’t care for 95% of the Old Testament. I love the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, but I don’t care for much of rest of the New Testament. The Book of Mormon and Doctrine & Covenants are dubious to me, as are the current general authorities. I don’t like going to the temple and I don’t believe garments are sacred.
I don’t want to upset my wife and kids.
I do hear and feel you. Though my husband would rejoice if I let go. But yes, it is exactly like the loss of a living person you loved. My chest hurts, my throat hurts and I can’t cry. Yes, Shawn, I have experienced it and continue to do so to some extent. I think that’s why the stages of grief apply so well to faith crises. FWIW, I take some comfort in what I do believe, I believe I will someday understand some of the things I doubt and question, and other things I just plain don’t believe and I’m not sure I ever will. Contrasted with my former faith, where I believed everything, it’s a huge loss. The mourning is justified.
On the flip side, I haven’t found a place or way to replace the loss. I have had Sundays that I have taken off to do other good things, I have investigated other religions, some more than others – these don’t fix the pain. I know some people can find comfort in those things, it just hasn’t worked for me. Shawn — been there, felt that. Definitely — there is mourning when you find the LDS ladder isn’t leaning against the wall you thought it was. mom3 wrote:On the flip side, I haven’t found a place or way to replace the loss. I have had Sundays that I have taken off to do other good things, I have investigated other religions, some more than others – these don’t fix the pain. I know some people can find comfort in those things, it just hasn’t worked for me.
Perhaps I’m oversharing this idea — but look into your past, and your hurt. Look for a need you once had, currently unmet in the lives of others. If there is an organization whose mission is to fulfil that need in others, consider joining it. Get involved in helping that organization achieve its mission. Look at it as you did your calling in the church,. Even consider spending your own money to further projects or initiatives in which you believe — either by direct spending on services/items you need, or by donating it to the organization.
If your experience is like mine, it spawns spirituality, new relationships, and helps you get past the grieving. All of a sudden the church becomes subordinate to your own life’s mission. You meet new friends, and gain new perspectives. I learned that problems I see in the church exist in all other volunteer organizations. I gained a new appreciation for church members, who, in spite of their judgmentalism, actually resolve conflict in a kinder way, tend to gossip less than people in secular service organizations I joined. And I saw my dollars go directly to causes I supported — and was working on. Further, I felt empowered — I could leave my volunteer position, or the organization whenever I chose, without repercussions.
It’s like finding a new girlfriend after breaking up with your old one. Find new cheese (reference —
Who Moved My Cheese— a book), greener pastures. The world needs your talents…it doesn’t have to be about the church all the time, although you still attend. mom3, we are the opposite when it comes to crying. I weep like a child sometimes. It’s kind of ridiculous. I think a lot of people experience it. However, remember this. We continually hear that the church is perfect but the members aren’t. I’d go further and say the true church isn’t an organization or a building, it’s believers and God, without most of the accoutrements.
While I’m on the pretentious French words, I’ll mention “reculer pour mieux sauter”, which means basically “to take a step back for a better jump”. This is how I see a faith crisis, it is an opportunity to jettison all the cultural baggage we have and get into true religion.
Shawn wrote:I have been mourning the loss of my religion, even though I am trying to hang on to it. I feel like a close relative has died.
Has anyone else experienced this?I am having strong doubts regarding the existence of God, but I still have a testimony of Jesus Christ. I realize that doesn’t really make sense. The atoning sacrifice of Christ is felt deep in my heart. I just don’t feel the same way about a Heavenly Father.
I don’t care for 95% of the Old Testament. I love the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, but I don’t care for much of rest of the New Testament. The Book of Mormon and Doctrine & Covenants are dubious to me, as are the current general authorities. I don’t like going to the temple and I don’t believe garments are sacred.
I don’t want to upset my wife and kids.
I had to double check and make sure it wasn’t me that made this post on one of my “bad days.” Compounding this feeling is that I think I am grieving over the realization that my marriage will never be what I always hoped it would be and I will not have a chance to have a wonderful marriage. I think I am being realistic and not just depressed, but once I logically came to this conclusion, I had peace, then the feelings of depression as I realized just what this meant.I am grateful that I still have a strong belief in Christ and his love. I have heard of so many that in an instant the entire house of cards fell right into atheism. I truly would be deeply depressed if I didn’t feel I could pray to a loving God.
I to mainly like the 4 gospels – AND I bawl way more than I want to these days.
I wouldn’t say I mourn the loss of it…more like I become nostalgic about it at times, kind of like I miss the college years of my life…but also that I know I can’t go back to it, I can only move forward and try to enjoy the stage I’m in with my religion. I appreciate the responses from everyone. Right now I don’t see how I might replace the loss. SilentDawning’s suggestion is really good and I’m thinking about how I might try it.
I am afraid of making a wrong decision.
Shawn wrote:I don’t care for 95% of the Old Testament.
The Old Testament has its beauty.
The Book of Ecclesiastes is poignant. Some of it was even turned into a song by the Byrds.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+1&version=NKJV Shawn wrote:I am afraid of making a wrong decision.
Shawn…you’re a good guy. Don’t let fear rule your decisions.There are few “final” decisions.
You won’t know it is “right” for you until you choose, live it, feel the experience, and then either accept it or go back and change course and try a different path.
The Atonement is to give us hope that we don’t need to fear a sincere effort at a decision we feel is right in our heart. If we find out it wasn’t the best, there are ways to make course corrections…but that too is an experience.
Choose to live your life, not fear a wrong choice.
The church isn’t going anywhere. You can always go back, and use it however you wish. It is there to help you when you need it to.
Shawn wrote:I have been mourning the loss of my religion, even though I am trying to hang on to it. I feel like a close relative has died.
Has anyone else experienced this?Yes but I’d describe it differently. I’d probably describe it as how I’d imagine spiritual death. I felt a profound sense of emptiness, life became a void stretching out before me. Mormonism answered the question “What is the purpose of this life?” for me, during my faith crisis I finally had to come up with that answer myself. It’s not easy, I still struggle with it.
Shawn wrote:I am afraid of making a wrong decision.
Heber13 wrote:There are few “final” decisions.
You won’t know it is “right” for you until you choose, live it, feel the experience, and then either accept it or go back and change course and try a different path.
:thumbup: If I’m after a spiritual rebirth I have to remind myself that it takes time to learn and grow. A time to nurse, a time to crawl, a time to walk, learning to speak, etc. That’s all ahead of me spiritually and my temporal experiences have shown me that I learn the most from my mistakes. I should expect to make mistakes along the way and I hope to learn from them.
Heber13, thanks for your words. Alas, much of my life revolves around fear. I am afraid that my faith crisis is negatively affecting my children during their formative years. nibbler, I appreciate your response as well. I am experiencing the emptiness you speak of.
Perhaps during their formative years it is happening, but you’ll be their father over their entire life…they will become responsible for their life and want to just always know their dad loved them and always did his best, even if not perfectly or at perfect times. Make sure they know your love. My kids are getting older now. It is becoming easier to talk about my true feelings as they get to know me as adults and reflect back on their younger years, not realizing how much I was going through at the time. But I think they can respect us, even imperfect us, when they just see we try.
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