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Welcome, JMason. Thanks for taking time to share your experience. I hope you enjoy reading the posts on this website. jmason wrote:But of course this is my experience only and so it is only anecdotal at best, I don’t think for a minute that it has universal application. I don’t know what the answer it, in fact the older I get the less I know, or think I know. But in some circles this passes for wisdom
Well said! It seems as we get older, we realize how much more there is to learn…endless opportunities! I think we all have different tests in this life to deal with. Like you, I have a testimony of Joseph Smith, and I also believe the Book of Mormon to be true. Those are just not major issues for me to accept, even when I read church history, but I certainly have other things I’m working on. I think it works that way for testimonies as well as for temptations that are personal to our existence. Alcohol has never been a vice for me, buy I have my own (you’ll learn more as you read more of my posts, I’m sure!). But for some people, their test that they are sometimes blind to is their pride and they cannot see your heart or understand where you are in your life and what you have to struggle with in your test. That doesn’t mean God can’t see your heart, just that some others are limited in their ability to see you as God does. That’s their vice.
In the spirit of brotherly love, my thoughts to share with you are to remind you to try not to judge others, just as you don’t want to be judged by others…or to flip it more positively, try to be tolerant of others (like those in church leadership positions you don’t agree with) like you want them to tolerate of you and your imperfections. As Poppyseed said, believe you are a good person for who you are, a son of God, and don’t let others make you feel less than what you are as a divine being. Read Moses Chapter 1 and think about how the adversary wants you to think less of yourself because you are not perfect…but if you know who you are, you can face that adversity. I have certainly found there are lessons to be learned in this life and I can become a better person from learning from my experiences, despite what others say or do to me. It sounds like in your bio, you also have learned that. I would just advise you to try not to let the court experience define you or your experience in the church. Those men had a job to do, they did it the best they could, they aren’t perfect either, but you did the right thing and owned up to your responsibilities, and now can move forward and make your church experience what you want it to be.
Working on faith is a good thing. You have belief. Now you need faith. Faith is a gift from God. It is found by many different journeys. And like your personal vices in this life, your journey of faith is personal to you. Seek that gift from God and find the peace you deserve. Welcome to the forum.
Again I want to thank all who have taken the time to respond to my story…. poppyseed….I don’t think there is essentially any difference between a crack-head, alcoholic or porn addict except that most people would say that porn is far more benign that substance abuse although in the church we would disagree. I once went into a hospital, a pysch hospital, trying to bring my drinking under control (actually my wife had me admitted but I also wanted to go). I was there for a week or so, and on my way home, at the end of my stay, I stopped and had a drink (several, actually)––this after having been certain that I was never going to drink again, assuring my counselor that this was the case, etc. And this is the hardest thing for spouses, the family of an addict to come to terms with––the behavior is beyond control, willpower is not enough, administering an Anti-abuse pill every morning and night (in my case) won’t do it, the threat of jail, your spouse threatening to divorce you, and perhaps least of all (for me, at least) a church court. It really takes an act of God––God must come into your life in a way He wasn’t before.
I’ve actually witnessed this happening at 12-step meetings and other recovery meetings, but it has always involved an individual who didn’t have God before and was now discovering Him for the first time. As for me, I’d been on a mission, I was an EQ president in college, a young adult stake leader, and so on, and once I lost my faith it was very hard for me to find it again, especially as I am alienated from church culture. The only thing that seems to help aside from finding God is addicts coming together to talk and share stories and offer support, but outside the church this can be risky (if you want to know why you can ask and I will tell you), so a church 12-step meeting is preferable. But the two church 12-step meetings I attended…they really didn’t go over well. At the first one there was a 12-step missionary couple in attendance, neither of whom had ever had any experience with addiction before (this was odd because in the 12-step paradigm visitors are not allowed, only addicts) and besides this couple there were two others present besides myself, one being a porn addict, the other a crack addict. We were in the Relief Society room, and the impression I had was that we were all a little afraid of speaking honestly. A typical 12-step meeting is very profane, there is always a lot of vulgarity, and for someone like me this was always off-putting, I winced every time I heard certain words. But the two church meetings I went to had just the opposite problem: how can you really speak honestly, really let it out, get angry, scream, curse God, when you’re in the RS room of the stake center and there is an older couple there who remind you of your grandma and grandpa. (I”ve been told they don’t have these missionary couples attend the meetings any longer but I can’t say for sure because I haven’t been.)
Kind of a rambling post here, but maybe what I’m tying to say is this: I think the only person who can really help an addict is another addict––not the bishop or stake president, not the most active/spiritual man in the ward, not the home teachers, but another addict. This was really what Bill W. hit on after years and years of trying to quit drinking, the stroke of genius he had that led to the 12-steps, it’s really what AA, SLAA, etc., is all about: addicts coming together to help other addicts.
Jmason, I agree that addiction is addiction no matter what the drug of choice might be, even though each one may have its specific nuances. One thing I do know and love is that the recovery principles are healing to everyone. Thank heaven for folks like Melody Beattie and whoever created the 12 steps.
I hope you know you aren’t alone even though you feel alienated from mormon culture. Try having a HP husband be a porn addict. That will alienate you pretty quick. Heck….I was just talking to my DH this morning saying how I was fine with the addiction and the suffering, etc. until the church got involved! LOL We kinda knowingly laughed in love about it. But I have also learned that there are lots of us out there suffering in silence. So, its better I think (in wisdom of course) to tell our truth about our struggles and reach out. Too many of us put on our perfect mormon appearances and hide what is really going on. And with good reason. Perhaps we are gifts to our mormon culture. Perhaps it is us who can help others get out of the confinements of their mormon box and expand to greater capacities and views. I can’t think that God would have taken me out of the box and helped me smash it only to put me back inside it again. ( sorry…little rant. Having a not so happy mormon mentality sort of day.
😡 )Anyway…..I hope you find your way back to an LDS meeting. Go there and tell your truth. If you are angry, get the anger out. If you are breaking down the denial, talk about that. Don’t worry if Grandma and Grandpa can handle it or not. You are not there to take care of their feelings. Let God do that. And if they can’t handle hard emotions, they better not be in the addiction recovery business. Look at all your excuses…your very convincing hesitations. Pat them on the head and then tell them its time to get out of the way. Then love yourself enough to go. I’ll be here with my pop poms and a very impressive herk, I might add, to cheer you on.
I think poppy should give a GC talk on this!!! 
I don’t think the church always has the resources to help everyone with every problem. Addictions or psychological problems (depression, etc) would best be handled by professionals, and there are no professionals in the church services, IMO.
I think the best approach is seek a professional to approach the addiction…then seek the local leader support to help keep the faith and be replacing the addictive behavior with new behaviors (service, study, testimony…). In my personal experience, the “pray, read scriptures, fast” approach only goes so far in real world problems…the prayers/scriptures/spirit should be a support while seeking help from other sources.
I hope that isn’t hijacking this thread…I just think the church is only equipped to do certain things for us.
Heber13 wrote:I don’t think the church always has the resources to help everyone with every problem.
Addictions or psychological problems (depression, etc) would best be handled by professionals, and there are no professionals in the church services, IMO.
I think the best approach is seek a professional to approach the addiction…then seek the local leader support to help keep the faith and be replacing the addictive behavior with new behaviors (service, study, testimony…). In my personal experience, the “pray, read scriptures, fast” approach only goes so far in real world problems…the prayers/scriptures/spirit should be a support while seeking help from other sources.
I hope that isn’t hijacking this thread…I just think the church is only equipped to do certain things for us.
That is SOOOO true! In the beginning of my rehab process, the “church” advised certain things that were SOOO wrong! I know it got better later, but professional help is so important! I’m going to be a bit blunt here, but I feel there is so much codependency in the church culture, it is almost necessary to go outside to learn how to live life without the “needing to fix or be fixed” mentality. When you try to teach this to many LDSers, they say “but I love him, so I want to help him….!”
Sometimes that is the worst thing you can do….
Rix wrote:Heber13 wrote:I don’t think the church always has the resources to help everyone with every problem.
Addictions or psychological problems (depression, etc) would best be handled by professionals, and there are no professionals in the church services, IMO.
I think the best approach is seek a professional to approach the addiction…then seek the local leader support to help keep the faith and be replacing the addictive behavior with new behaviors (service, study, testimony…). In my personal experience, the “pray, read scriptures, fast” approach only goes so far in real world problems…the prayers/scriptures/spirit should be a support while seeking help from other sources.
I hope that isn’t hijacking this thread…I just think the church is only equipped to do certain things for us.
That is SOOOO true! In the beginning of my rehab process, the “church” advised certain things that were SOOO wrong! I know it got better later, but professional help is so important! I’m going to be a bit blunt here, but I feel there is so much codependency in the church culture, it is almost necessary to go outside to learn how to live life without the “needing to fix or be fixed” mentality. When you try to teach this to many LDSers, they say “but I love him, so I want to help him….!”
Sometimes that is the worst thing you can do….
You might faint dead away here Rix, but I absolutely ,100%, without reservation agree with you.
Poppyseed wrote:
You might faint dead away here Rix, but I absolutely ,100%, without reservation agree with you.(coming back to consciousness…) No, knowing you’ve been through a lot of this, I thought we’d be on the same page here.
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