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Hi all, Been lurking here for some time. My profile is almost identical to many of you here…BIC, raised in a very conservative family and area of the church (not Utah!), seminary, RM, temple marriage, EQP, YMP, 5 kids, professional degree. Always been faithful if not over-zealous in my church activity. My crisis of faith began maybe 6 years ago and accelerated rapidly about 3 years ago. Went through various stages of anger, disbelief, sadness, and probably even depression. Began to challenge almost everything I (thought I) knew/believed.
Under the circumstances, my wife has been incredibly supportive. Every once in a while she will jump from A to Z and assume that since my feeling regarding the church has changed my feelings about her and our eternal marriage. I deserve some support in this regard and will post more on this in the coming days.
I was literally on the verge of leaving until last March, a move that would have been extremely destructive to my family and many of the social relationships I value a great deal. I attended some spiritually based personal development training that provided me an opportunity to get past much of the anger and frustration with the perceived “institutional control and injustices”. Ironically, at the same time I was guided to staylds. I was sitting in a hotel room doing some serious searching while my wife went to the temple with our friends. I just didn’t feel comfortable with temple attendance given my state of mind regarding the church and felt inspired to find a positive forum for those questioning.
Since then, I’ve been a lot more open and surrounded myself with several friends who are LDS, like-minded and/or open to different possibilities within the church. Between this group of friends and staylds, I have found great comfort. I know I am a better person now than I was even during my most faithful (and judgemental) TBM years. Many of your words have inspired me to think differently as I feel my way through this process. I am still quite cautious in sharing with my family and my own ward…my bishop is my business partner and very much TBM, his favorite saying is “follow the brethren”. Even then I love him and know he is doing his very best in what is surely an awkward position.
When the church (not the gospel) has felt rote and uninspiring I have taken the liberty of searching other places as well for spiritual stimulation and growth. Have recently been researching the principles taught by the Church of Religious Science (Centers for Spiritual Living). During one of the 5 Stages podcasts I was struck by a quote from Fowler to one of the interviewee’s that said something like “if you want to get hit by the train you have to be standing in the tracks”. That has really stuck with me and I am working at getting comfortable with the “LDS track”. There are still times that I oscillate between resistance, ambivalence and curiosity. And I’m ok with that. My biggest reasons for staying are for my wife and kids. I’m happy to be here and again thank all of you for your inspiration. I know I have a lot to learn as I continue moving forward.
Welcome, inbeing!! Glad you’re here and I can’t wait to hear more from you! Like you, I’m thankful every day that I found stayLDS! Thanks for sharing your story Inbeing. Welcome to the community. I bet you can teach us just as much. There’s no standard instruction manual for this thing we go through. Being here and talking to people is just as much therapy for me as any potential help it gives others. We all still go through those vacillating ups and downs. It’s funny. That exact quote from the Fowler Stages interview also stuck in my mind when I listened to it the first time. I think about it often. It was a perfect response and describes the solution so well.
I really felt that sense of compassion and understanding you are developing for people in your life. I think we get those same “blessings” reflected back to us when we are the source and give acceptance and understanding to others. My hope is this process makes us better, even if we have to stand on the tracks and get hit by a train. To put in in religiously metaphoric terms we are familiar with from our past, my faith is that what we are experience is divine progress.
Welcome! I looked up the Centers for Relgious Science, it’s interesting. I’ve been a panentheist for years, mostly as a result of my interest in Kabbalah.
HiJolly
Welcome to the site! I enjoyed your intro and found much to identify with. I look forward to your contributions to the discussion. Welcome from another panentheist. Welcome and thanks so much for sharing your story. I have found I can learn a lot from participating in a forum like this one where everyone is open to ideas, and willing to share personal experiences. I have found this of great worth to think deeply about what I believe, and at the same time, not have to feel I leave my whole LDS experience and my family relationships while doing this. I look forward to learning from you!
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