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My dad just told me today and I guess he’ll be back tonight. I have very mixed feelings about it. I guess there were some things he hadn’t taken care of so he has to come home for six months. On one hand, good for him for stepping up and coming clean about anything he feels guilty about. On the other hand, I am frustrated with our ‘one size fits all’ repentance process. In my current frame of mind, I feel like this is probably blown out of proportion and he will now be publicly humiliated for it. Repentance should be between you and God. Not between you and a board of directors who dish out punishments based on your crime and not your heart. I just don’t know. If the people he interviews with are inspired enough to be able to kick him off his mission and give him a six month sentence-why are they not inspired enough to know that he shouldn’t have gone out in the first place. I don’t know the details of it, but am pretty sure it’s chastity issue but not sex. I am only giving those details because I look at my thirty plus single friends and think about how they probably do much worse and go to the temple because they no longer feel guilty about the things they felt guilty about as teenagers. It can be a good thing, and it can be a bad thing – depending entirely on the person and the situation. There is a young man in our ward who was in the exact same situation, theoretically – since I don’t know the exact details of your brother’s case. This young man just went back out on his mission last month, and it was an inspiring thing to see; others have not gone back out, and those results are mixed. A lot of that depends on the people around the missionary and how they act.
As to the question about inspiration, I’ve come to believe strongly that worthiness interviews are meant as an opportunity for self-reflection and self-assessment – that they aren’t intended to be an avenue where someone can look into another person’s soul and see their worthiness. Thus, I don’t expect it of leaders. I think it is an incredibly unrealistic expectation, no matter how many members believe it. I think it happens sometimes, since I have experienced it on rare occasions, but, ultimately, I don’t blame a Bishop or a Stake President for believing what someone else says when their is no concrete reason not to believe.
In your brother’s case, it appears that he wasn’t comfortable with something he had done but didn’t share it initially. His own internal barometer wouldn’t let it drop, so he now is dealing with that. God bless him in his efforts to come to peace with himself, and God bless leaders who are doing the best they can in difficult situations.
My brother was also sent home from his mission about a year and a half ago. It seems similar to your experience except that my brother’s mission president told him he could never finish his mission and couldn’t go back out. I don’t know if that was from God. Anyway here is my advice: Whatever you do be as supportive as possible and don’t you dare let the culture and unrighteous judgements of some church members break your brother. Some of the best missionaries I knew on my mission were those that got sent home and returned to the mission field. They understood the Atonement better than most because they had actually experienced it (not saying others necessarily haven’t). But seriously stand by your brother in everything he goes through, support him in his decisions and help him get himself back out there if he wants to go back. My brother is still inactive because of the crap he faced being sent home early and I’m still pretty mad about it but oh well. Just my 2 cents. Quote:my brother’s mission president told him he could never finish his mission and couldn’t go back out.
That MP was wrong – and WAY beyond his authority to say it. That stuff really bothers me.
Old-Timer wrote:That MP was wrong – and WAY beyond his authority to say it. That stuff really bothers me.
I know right? But oh well, such is life. My brother is a good guy no matter what anyone says about him.
raygun wrote:But seriously stand by your brother in everything he goes through, support him in his decisions and help him get himself back out there if he wants to go back.
These are the moments families are made for. Hope it works out well in the end.
I wonder how many missionaries that are sent home simply drift away, I think of the 8 i know personally only 2 are semi active. They were labeled as sexual deviants and no “good” mormon girls would date them. I find it so sad that 18/19 year old guys are so shunned for simply doing what their bodies are made to do. Hey if they could release those urges naturally without p*** ,the church wouldn’t need to publicly shame it’s members for natural desires and actions. The stigma of being sent home from a mission is the boy equivelantttt of a girl having pre marital sex! Sure you can repent from both but you are labeled and judged in the church for a very very very long time!
Your brother is lucky to have you! Be prepared to fight for him if need be both from ward members but also his own inner voices telling him to give up because things are hopeless and forever ruined! As we talk about here so often it is okay if his path is not the same as everyone else’s!! It can be hard but is a much more mature and rewarding path at times.
Wish him the best!
Sorry for typos n spelling stupid phones! Thanks you guys! I hope he will be ok, and I hope he can confide in me. Luckily we have a really understanding dad, but I worry about my mom feeling like she did something wrong and that affecting him too. My poor mom feels like a failure about it:( HSAB, best wishes for your brother and your whole family. I wish the church handled this kind of thing differently, but I respect people like your brother that do what they believe to be right and honorable, even when it is very inconvenient… I wish the world had more people like him. Stepping back a bit and not speaking of your family situation in-particular… I wish the church would handle cases like this more discreetly. Why not allow a missionary who desires, to stay in the mission and serve in a supporting role… I mean, why does the church require that the person driving the mission van or filling out mission reports be unblemished before God? Pull them into the mission office in a special assignment where they don’t teach and let them continue to serve in their assigned mission. It may be visible to the other missionaries, but not back home, and frankly, I think other missionaries would be more likely to be understanding, compassionate, and encouraging. Paul taught in Romans that “Christ died for the ungodly” and that we were all enemies of God before being reconciled by the blood of the atonement. So, I don’t understand the punishment doled out in these situations. Restrictions, sure, sending home for 6 months is too much. If it were something that warranted excommunication, that is different, but if it is merely a matter of time to work through the repentance process, it seems like the best thing to help that brother or sister would be to allow them to continue to serve while they work through it, if they are willing.
I was going to go on a rant to say how creepy this whole repentance and shaming process is in the church, but suffice it to say our brother in any other realm is probably a great upstanding guy. Only in Mormonism is he a bad egg who needs to be dealt with. So remember that. It is Mormons who have a problem with “repentance” not everyone else. In complaining to my older sister about the hardships of my particular mission, she told me that I could come home if I wanted and that “there is a whole world out there beyond Mormonism.” I remember thinking that this was easy for her to say. She went to University out east in IL and married a non-member. For me to hope to marry in the temple possibly to an RM and follow the typical LDS life plan, the whole deal was pretty dependent upon me completing two years with honor.
My MP seemed to work pretty hard to keep difficult Elders in the mission (even when “the work” might suffer in a particular area because of a dysfunctional companionship). I suppose every MP is different.
Dax wrote:I wonder how many missionaries that are sent home simply drift away, I think of the 8 i know personally only 2 are semi active. They were labeled as sexual deviants and no “good” Mormon girls would date them.
I understand standards, I understand consequences for the breach of those standards, – but I hope that in doling out discipline we are able to do as JS suggested and show an increase in love for those we are correcting “lest they think you their enemy.” I believe “On Own Now” had a good suggestion that would reduce the likelihood of these young men being treated like mission drop-outs. I worry that our judging and shunning drives many good individuals away from the church. I don’t imagine God to be very pleased by that.Quote:I understand standards, I understand consequences for the breach of those standards, – but I hope that in doling out discipline we are able to do as JS suggested and show an increase in love for those we are correcting “lest they think you their enemy.” I believe “On Own Now” had a good suggestion that would reduce the likelihood of these young men being treated like mission drop-outs. I worry that our judging and shunning drives many good individuals away from the church. I don’t imagine God to be very pleased by that.
This. Exactly.
Going on a mission is not strictly a private affair. The mission call is announced to the ward and a farewell talk is given. If prospective missionaries are honest and forthcoming before they submit the paperwork, then much public humiliation is avoided. Its seems like a public lie to go before a congregation to give a farewell talk and a testimony because they shouldn’t be there if they don’t meet the standards. And how many members of the congregation handed money over to him that day to support him? I think some public humiliation (which is mostly just perception) fits the misdeed. Repentance is not always only between a person and God. I, for one, am thankful for kind bishops who help in the process. I don’t rejoice in anyone’s suffering, but it can do some good. What will most likely happen is that the ward will be kind to him.
Actually, no one gave him money to go. That’s not the way it works where I am at least. Everyone sins. Everyone does not receive public humiliation. My brother is a young kid, and it’s very possible that he didn’t think what he did was wrong until he was surrounded by missionaries and started to feel like maybe he wasn’t good enough Ke he should have rented for something. I have heard that in a situation like that people can get pretty hard on themselves. He does not owe anyone in my home ward an apology, except maybe my parents, but quite frankly it is none of anyone else’s business.
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