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Well, my daughter is a class president in YW’s. She’s a hard worker, a planner, a good kid all around. But she did not want to go to a BYC meeting followed up by a fireside on time management. We have a family mission statement that indicates we always follow-through when we make a commitment, so we convinced her to go since she agreed to be the class president. Well, she came home in tears. The BYC meeting was OK, but the fireside in her mind was a complete waste of time. Our Bishop is not well liked and by common opinion, is rather ineffective. People really do not like him one bit — on a large scale. I hear it everywhere. He got up there and talked for 3 hours and my daughter was incensed…she had so many other things she wanted to do — be with the family I was was mentally and emotionally available, clean up her room for the week, homework, and a bunch of other valuable things that were important to her. I went into her room when she she just came home looking depressed and lay down on her bed. She was literally crying she had wasted the evening at this man’s house.
Now, with my current dissaffection, I tend to agree with her. Church can be, in my opinion, a huge waste of time when you work with a lot of ineffective, poorly prepared volunteers. I know some people get a kick out of it, and I know that it can be of value to simply support people who are growing and learning. But in recent years as the demands on my time have increased significantly, I am with her. I didn’t say anything other than to bolster the idea that she followed through on her commitment to be YW leader, and THAT is worth it — for the character she is developing. She replied that if “that’s what you get for following through I’m not sure it’s worth it”.
Things that I WANTED to say was “Church will waste your time if you let it — you can be selective about what you get involved in so it doesn’t sap away valuable hours”. For example, I don’t set up chairs or move people ad nauseum anymore. And I don’t go to meeting when there is no clear topic or focus in advance so I can determine if the experience is of value to me personally, or if my presence is of significant value to the experience of others, in my view.
Anyway, we settled that she would still go to BYC meetings as this is part of her commitment to be a YW leader. However, for firesides and other activities, we will talk about it and make a decision together after considering the different demands on her time. She seemed to feel much better about that. My wife agreed with this approach as she understands just how much our current Bishop can be trying to listen to in his non-stop speeches that go on forever.
Thoughts on how this might be handled going forward? Comments on the current plan?
SilentDawning, I applaud your daughter’s patience. You said: Quote:We have a family mission statement that indicates we always follow-through when we make a commitment, so we convinced her to go since she agreed to be the class president.
For my own curiosity (& I’m not being critical), what does this statement mean? I agree that if we make a commitment, we should follow through. But,
Within Limits. A 3 hour (extra) meeting goes beyond the limit. IMO. With all that is expected of our youth, I am surprised that they have any extra time. Would it be wrong to get up and leave after (1) hour?
Would it be wrong to accept a calling with a specified end date?
I don’t know what the right answer is.
As a family, you have to decide for yourselves. Just like the mission statement.
I would imagine that your children are older since the mission statement was drafted.
This could be a great topic to discuss together in more detail.
God Bless!
Mike from Milton.
Quote:Things that I WANTED to say was “Church will waste your time if you let it — you can be selective about what you get involved in so it doesn’t sap away valuable hours”. For example, I don’t set up chairs or move people ad nauseum anymore. And I don’t go to meeting when there is no clear topic or focus in advance so I can determine if the experience is of value to me personally, or if my presence is of significant value to the experience of others, in my view.
Suggestions? Tell her that.
My own kids know that’s basically how I approach meetings and other time commitments. For the last three years, we’ve attended church on Sunday and youth activities on Wednesday – and almost nothing else, due to financial constraints. I’ve taught my kids that we still are FULLY active, since we participate in everything we feel is “required” and important.
So, tell her that.
My daughter texts me when she is in a meeting that she feels is wasting her time and asks if she can leave. I would have given her permission to excuse herself after a meeting that goes on too long and when she has alternative things to do and be a part of that are justifiable. But when it is just a 30min YW lesson that she wants to skip out for no reason, she knows not to ask.
Texting can be a nice, quiet, clandestine way to do it, if your kids have phones. They obviously can’t be on their phones all the time during meetings…but in some cases, they can text quick, ask a question, and then put it away.
To answer Mike’s question — following through means keeping a commitment after you make it, even when inconvenient. If you can’t keep the commitment, it means letting the person to whom the commitment was made know in advance that you can’t deliver. In certain circumstances, it can mean finding someone to take your place or offering to do something in its place if you’d be really inconveniencing the person you are not keeping your commitment to. All this in reason, by the way. This particular meeting was a BYC/Fireside. We didn’t know that the Bishop was speaking, or that he would make them sit there for three hours while he engaged in a non-interactive fireside on time management, that was way above their heads.
I like everyone’s advice and I’m going to encourage my daughter to be selective about what she attends. I like Heber’s texting suggestion as well.
Through this, I’m reminded of a comment our ex-Bishop (not SP member) said. Someone in the Stake called a meeting which meant abotu 80 minutes of travel (round trip) to the Stake Center. Our ex-Bishop said “I’m not going to drive over there just because someone in the Stake had a whim”.
I think a similar principle applies with my daughter. All this acting out of duty has limits, particularly since we know that all these things are not always inspired.
Three hours on time management?!?! 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 SilentDawning wrote:To answer Mike’s question — following through means keeping a commitment after you make it, even when inconvenient. If you can’t keep the commitment, it means letting the person to whom the commitment was made know in advance that you can’t deliver. In certain circumstances, it can mean finding someone to take your place or offering to do something in its place if you’d be really inconveniencing the person you are not keeping your commitment to.
That’s a remarkably important teaching. I wonder why we cannot teach such clear principles in the church?Old-Timer wrote:Three hours on time management?!?!
😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆
Pretty ironic, isn’t it?I’ve been thinking about this situation for two days now. Teaching your daughter to respect her own boundaries in a nonjudgemental way towards leadership is a good thing at this point in her life. This situation might prepare her to deal with a more difficult situation down the road. I look at so many young couples with small children both being called into leadership at the same time and the kiddos running helter skelter around the church while they’re in their callings. One young couple lost one of their kids one night and everyone in the church was searching. They still weren’t released after this happened. Also, learning to handle a calling in a time efficient manner in order to keep the rest of her life balanced is a good thing. Better now than down the road when she had children too? I don’t understand leaders who begin to infringe on everyone’s time like this. I’m not sure I even approve of taking the youth away from their families on a Sunday evening, even if it is just once a month!
:shh:
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