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I am so glad to have found this site/forum. I have struggled with feeling like I was being a hypocrite for going through the motions of a faithful, accepting-all-the-doctrine church member. And it seemed that church doctrine didn’t have room for people like me who LIKE the culture, the people, the family solidarity, the activities for my children, etc., but had some problems and difficulties with certain aspects of the church. I do believe that Christ works through our church, but I don’t think it is the ONLY church he works through. Anyway, after reading some of the essays on this site, I realized I’m not alone in this struggle. I have been given lots to consider which has really helped me realize that it’s okay for me to go through the motions at this point in my life. I live the church standards. I hold callings, give as much service as I am able…..I’m so happy to find out that there are others like me. I’ve known other people over the years who have left the church when they couldn’t believe 100% in all of it…..and I didn’t want to do that. I LIKE being in the church. I hadn’t run across others who were middle-of-the-road, although now I wonder if more people I know personally are actually going through the motions like me.
But anyway…..a little background, without giving away too much, I hope. I live in central Ohio.
I’m totally rambling……as I struggle with how to raise my children. I’ve read some good advice/ideas on here, and I’ll be pondering this all. I definitely don’t want to be “fake” or deceive my kids….but I also think the church is good for them. I like the idea of just encouraging them to think things through……so much to consider. My husband is active in church, but will openly admit to not being very spiritual….he’s a very good man.
Our ward has been through a lot of turmoil over the last couple of years, and several families have left our church. (Started when it came to light that a very trusted member of our Bishopric had raped/molested several children. He is now in prison.) I think that was a faith-shaker for lots of people….me included. About a year ago, our Bishop was released….and about a month later, our Stake Presidency came to speak to us to tell us that our Bishop had asked for his name to be removed from the church records…..total shocker!! (This was announced with his permission, because his wife was very emotional about this, and she wanted everyone to just know to eliminate speculation.) Several other stalwart families have left the church, and it is just a very odd time in our ward…..once again, I’m giving too much info. If someone from this area read this, they could figure out what ward I’m in, but I don’t think I’ve given too much personal info.
Welcome DMollyK! Glad you found us! Wow, it sounds like your ward has gone through some hard times! I know things like that can seriously shake up some people’s faith, but I think it can also help us put all things in perspective. Just because inspiration in the church doesn’t always reach our level of expectation, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist at all.
Again, welcome.
Welcome, DMK. It’s fun to read first-time posts because it reminds me so much of mine — surprise and a bit of wonder that there are at least enough other people in the world that a) don’t see things (and the church in particular) in black and white and b) aren’t haters … to keep one website pretty active. Be Mormon on your own terms. Welcome DMollyK, glad you found us and you are certainly welcome here to open and discuss topics. I moved from northern Columbus area a few years ago and have fond memories of the church in the Columbus Ohio North Stake. I love the people there. But…WOW, what a bit of turmoil your ward has gone through.
😯 It certainly can make someone stop and think about how callings can be made through inspiration, and yet free agency allows some people to make such awful decisions. Sometimes I think we are prone to think that this kind of stuff is what happens outside the “true” church…not inside the church. Those must be tough faith-shaking issues many people in your area are probably dealing with.DMollyK wrote:I do believe that Christ works through our church, but I don’t think it is the ONLY church he works through.
I hear ya…I am right there with you. It doesn’t seem logical or even possible for a loving Father in Heaven to only work with such a small percentage of His children, huh? I also have plenty of experience with others outside our church to confirm my ideas, and am comfortable knowing He certainly works with many churches and faiths. That’s my opinion.
DMollyK wrote:which has really helped me realize that it’s okay for me to go through the motions at this point in my life.
Yes, certainly…I think we should let ourselves do that if it works for us. Perhaps there are times when going through the motions won’t be fulfilling enough, but you tackle those when you need to…there are times when just showing up is good enough, IMO, and I think many many people do that regularly at church.
DMollyK wrote:I LIKE being in the church.
Me too. Imperfections and all…bottom line is I stay because I like it.
DMollyK wrote:as I struggle with how to raise my children. I’ve read some good advice/ideas on here, and I’ll be pondering this all. I definitely don’t want to be “fake” or deceive my kids….but I also think the church is good for them. I like the idea of just encouraging them to think things through…
This can be a tough thing to navigate through, because we sometimes think it is our responsibility as the parent to provide answers to our kids, and we don’t want to confuse them, and want them tohave security and confidence if they just hold on to the Iron Rod…and personally, I struggled with this a lot, and worried if I would derail my kids’ faith and be accountable for teaching them bad things or not teaching them enough good things.
But for me, I have settled in with accepting that there may not be just one set of answers to life that I just need to provide for my kids, and it is more about helping them find their way, like I’m still trying to find my way…and so
it is more about what questions are they asking than it is about what answers I’m providing.In the end, love and strong relationships of trust is what it is all about in families, I think. If you are honest and sincere with them, and even feel comfortable telling them sometimes “I don’t know”…I think they will be comfortable with your honest example and maybe you prepare them a little more for when they have difficult times in their lives or have difficult questions.
Anyway…those were some of my thoughts as I read your intro that I wanted to share. I look forward to learning more from your posts as you share your thoughts with us. Welcome to the forum.
Welcome! As someone who lived in the Cincinnati North Stake for 12 years prior to my latest move, let me just state that all kinds of things happen in the Terrestrial Kingdom of Columbus. 
Welcome DMK, Thank you for sharing a portion of your story. Sorry for all the turmoil though.
Hi DMollyK! I feel bad for your whole ward and the troubles it has experienced. Glad you are here to work things out for yourself. This is a safe place.
Thanks for the warm welcome. Heber, I was at one point in the North Stake………. You probably also know the member of the Bishopric that I referred to who is now in prison as he was in a ward in the north Stake for many years before moving to our ward, and his extended family is active and very well-known in all of the Columbus stakes. (They are all really good people who had no idea.) Our ward has had hard times, but it is also warm, welcoming, friendly…always helping each other, and lots of service projects in the community, not just church service. I have some dear friends.
DMollyK wrote:Our ward has been through a lot of turmoil over the last couple of years,
Welcome DMollyK,
In the ward we are in it is rather spread out and I have the feeling that everyone is rather burnt out and just doing their duty. We moved in and became fairly central in the ward (me as Ward mission leader and DW as Primary President). Then our daughter (Emory) was stillborn and my faith metamorphisis eventually followed. It was rather public as we started going to another church (DW had been released, I had not). One ward member even came up to me at work and told me it was like Bishop said, “that everyone of us would be tested as Abraham, but only those that endure to the end will find the reward.” We started alternating churches for a while but that didn’t go over very well in the ward either. Ultimately, we came back to regular LDS attendance and only go to the other church during Stake Conference.
DW and I admire (almost revere) another couple in my ward with older well balanced children (one currently on a mission). When Emory died the wife/mother in this family was the first and biggest responder to our anguish. This couple has since separated and is only rarely seen at church. The only child still living at home is rebelling and acting out. We love this family, and would seek to comfort their pain.
One of the counselors in the bishopric was recently released and disfellowshipped. He has not returned to church though his family sometimes comes without him. We love this family and sorrow along with them.
I came to the thought that they were all good people and that none of us are immune from sorrow. I have started saying that there is 60% of stuff in our life that we can’t control, 30% that we can, and 10% that those around us can influence. Now, I just made those numbers up off the top of my head but it helps me to be compassionate with myself, be compassionate with others, and attempt to give them a helping hand without thinking that I am responsible for not doing enough when things go wrong.
I believe the other thought in your posting is, “how can a predator be called into a position of authority?” I can’t answer that for you. My journey has lead me to view the relationship between God and His children differently than before. My answer has brought me peace, but I have also found that the “right” answers for me are not necessarily the right answers for others.
I wish you well in your own journey. Also I wish to extend an open invitation to Staylds – you are always welcome here.
Hi, DMollyK. I see things perhaps a bit diagonally like our beloved Rix, who has not been around for a while. I’m a huge believer in God and Heaven and all that is good. But the church is not magic. There is definitely more going on around us than meets the eye, and miracles do happen. But by and large, callings are not inspired in any sort of magic way. The Gospel of Heaven has all the power we need to lift our lives from Hell to Heaven this very day. But much that’s done in the church, and much of the leadership that’s provided neither comes from heaven nor ushers us into its glory, and even stands in our way.
A big recurring theme here is that once you walk through that door and see things differently, you are 1) on your own and 2) free to find the truth wherever it hangs. Thankfully, there are kindred spirits for you all over the world, including perhaps us here at StayLDS.com.
I hope you feel welcome here.
Tom
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