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hawkgrrrl wrote:
I’m really glad for your outcome. I have been biting my tongue as much as I can because it’s really hard to know where others are coming from, and I’ve found they seldom mean to offend. More often than not, they are spouting something that’s kind of a cliche without really giving it much thought. And we don’t really know why they say it. Calling them on it sometimes feels inhumane. I’ve done this and I just end up regretting it. So now I just shrink into the wallpaper as much as possible.
You’re right. There’s no harm in a big dose of charity. Tongue biting is a much better way of keeping the peace, especially when someone is just sharing their own opinion.
My reactions were just that… reactions. With the gift of 24-hours hindsight I wish I’d done things differently.
I would usually have said nothing – especially if it were members of my branch. I think the reaction was partly due to the affront of the stake invasion. It felt like they were piling in and piling on. Again, largely my own sensitivity, but a feeling of being under attack and pushing back. Ward/Branch conferences should be a time to uplift and inspire but it can become one long guilt trip and can tend to over-focus on the things they have to report to the area presidency on (home teaching, activity rates, baptisms)
I would have loved to be there. I love those types of Priesthood lessons. In our ward, High Priests is basically an “agreement fest”. The teacher makes a point and everyone nods in agreement. There’s very little discussion unless someone brings up something that isn’t “TBM” worthy. A few years ago there was a heated discussion in my Elder’s Quorum about teaching kids morality. One brother said that we should be up front and honest and not shy away from it. Another brother was of the opinion that the kids needed to be sheltered from it for as long as possible. It was pretty heated until the Elder’s Quorum President stepped in and moved the lesson forward. The two men agreed to disagree and moved forward. One of the best lessons ever, IMHO. Thanks for sharing! Great response from the SP Counselor and reconciliation. I loved some of your comments, although I think we all know one has to sit on them most of the time (myself included).
I think it’s innappropriate to attach love to whether you serve the way the church wants you. The idea that if you love your wife, you do home teaching. You’re right — that was HIS perspective — because this is the way his wife likes to see love in action. My wife doesn’t care — she wants conversation, attention, and to do things together. We are all different.
I’m glad everyone came to a reconciliation — when I read the part about your SP member pulling you aside, I honestly thought you were headed for a slap on the write or a TR revocation or something.
Sometimes leaders can surprise us with compassion.
I so appreciated this post and so glad you spoke up. I am no longer active in the lds church, but I still remember when my husband was so busy home teaching and his other callings that he had no time for me or our kids. My husband equated home teaching and his callings ( the church ) with putting God first. I felt totally neglected (he did not even have time for intimacy ) and our kids were in all sorts of trouble. I would quote to him from David O Mckay about “no other success can compensate for failure in the home” but nothing else mattered to him but doing his church callings. It almost destroyed our marriage. It is sad that it took that for him to get his priorities straight. I don’t blame the lds church or leaders so much although I have often seen the pressure to do alot of callings where wives are left as ‘married singles’ taking care of the kids by themselves and miserable. I just wish my husband could have seen that putting our marriage and family first over the church callings would have pleased God more.
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