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About five years ago, I found out my son was gay. I thought I would be okay with it. After all, I have friends who are gay. Was I ever wrong. The last five years have been an emotional roller coaster. He attended LDS counseling and was told he had a 80% chance for change. We just needed to show faith. We fasted, prayed, and attended the temple into borderline insanity. After two years of counseling, my son became disillusioned and stopped going to church. Because I loved him and the Church so much, I became an emotional wreck. Gradually, I started to come to grips with his inactivity. After all, he is intelligent, kind, compassionate, charming, gorgeous, and as loving a son as any mother could hope for. He was still very much a Christian, just torn with feelings that he didn’t belong in the Church. What a heartbreaking irony! I started to feel peace, and then. . . Proposition 8. Going to church was not a spiritual experience; it was political and painful. I started to also become disillusioned. After a lifetime of activity — including a temple marriage, children with temple marriages, missionary sons, callings as Young Women President and Primary President — I started to have doubts about various aspects of the Church. I must make it clear that my testimony of Jesus Christ is as vibrant as ever. In fact, this experience has strengthened my relationship with my Savior. After my son went inactive, I believe the ward leaders were actually somewhat relieved. The Church just doesn’t seem to know what to do with gays in the gospel! I don’t plan on leaving; the Church is still the best avenue I know of to worship Jesus Christ, but there is a hollow spot in my heart where trust and complete obedience in Church leaders used to be.
Welcome Ophelia! We’re happy to have you here. You’ll find you are not the only one here because of Prop 8 issues. Hi, Ophelia! I was really, really touched by your post. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I were in your shoes. I’ve never had to deal with that. (I’ve “only” had to deal with my heterosexual kids living with their partners without being married. 
Hi, Ophelia. Unfortunately, for many of the issues we come to see differently, it becomes necessary to take a long view. After all, love is patient. We have to have faith that our people are good, and that eventually, they will do the right thing. The painful thing is to see how the structures in place that we traditionally trusted in to keep the church closest to God of any organization on earth may actually sometimes make the church less sensitive and open to revelation. So we accept the church unconditionally, flaws and all, as we expect it to accept us. And we stick with it. After all, it’s our church. At least, that’s the idea.
Welcome Ophelia- Judging by my experience here, you are in a good place to help you on your journey.
I resigned from the church over Prop 8 but still attend with my family. I, too, have grown closer to Christ through this experience than almost anything else in my life. Unfortunately, your story is, oh too familiar, and I think most of us here are hopeful of a brighter future in this area both in society but, especially, the church.
Welcome- Prop 8 was the catalyst for my disaffection as well, although I have no strong personal ties to a homosexual individual. I was quite disillusioned by how it was handled by the church.
Anyway, I really feel for you. I hope that we can help you on your journey. There are plenty of people who sympathize with you, and with homosexuals like your son.
I am torn, because I would LOVE to have all gay members stay in the Church and show everyone else what wonderful people they are – to help shatter the incorrect stereotypes. Otoh, if there is one group for whom the current Church can be brutal and smothering, it is the gay membership, so I understand totally the need for most to leave and find personal peace elsewhere. Welcome. “We feel your pain” sounds trite, but it’s true in this case.
Old-Timer wrote:I am torn, because I would LOVE to have all gay members stay in the Church and show everyone else what wonderful people they are – to help shatter the incorrect stereotypes. Otoh, if there is one group for whom the current Church can be brutal and smothering, it is the gay membership, so I understand totally the need for most to leave and find personal peace elsewhere.
You’re my hero, Ray!!
Perfectly said.
Welcome Ophelia. Your situation is not uncommon, but certainly uniquely challenging to you. I think these things happen and really cause us to think deeply about what to do, even when our leaders don’t know what to do. Keep yourself close to the teachings of Christ, He is the Rock. You may find this is an incredibly growing experience to let yourself doubt things without guilty for letting yourself do that, and through asking some questions, you start to see things more clearly…more like how your Heavenly Father sees you and your son. We are all His children and of equal importance to Him. God bless you and your family. Welcome to the forum! Hi Ophelia, Welcome. I hope you can join with us and help the Church adapt by staying and becoming a part of the solution. The more people with a vested interest in this issue, with understanding and compassion based on experiences with close loved ones, the better the LDS community as a whole will deal with finding a place in the Gospel tent for everyone.
Ophelia, I am a male version of your story. Just one difference, I also have two gay brothers. Proposition 8 ruined the church for me. I experienced “So you don’t support the prophet?”, had notes left on my truck and bumper stickers torn off of it. I was told by a high church official that the church would NEVER retreat from the new position they had taken on Prop 8, that I might just as well get over it. Well, I did, I got over the LDS church. I was baptized into Jesus Christ, He is my Rock. My brothers and gay son are blood and in the words of Wyatt Erp’s daddy (OK Corral/Wyatt Erp), “blood’s blood and not much else matters.” I’m a cafeteria Mormon now, and I seem to be putting more and more offerings back on the table, I guess I’m not very hungry anymore… That can only change if the church acknowledges and reaches
out as our Savior does.
George wrote:That can only change if the church acknowledges and reaches out as our Savior does.
Very well said, George. Thank you for sharing.
As much as I think there are lots of ways to reach out to our gay brothers and sisters, I must say that the current leadership is trying. I have personal knowledge that they are deeply concerned and that they really do feel love for them. I give them credit for that, even as I hope they do more in the future. I am the mom of a 27 year old gay son. I have some inkling of the hell you have gone through. I am SO sorry that you have had to suffer so much. My son went through so much self-loathing at 16 and thought he was going to hell because a sunday school teacher told him that being gay is an abomination and homosexuals go to hell. Also, that no one in this church ever has that problem. You can imagine how my poor son must have felt that day. He was suicidle at times over this. We have a very unusual story that ended up in a book I wrote: http://evergreenbooksales.com/bookstore … ucts_id=84Or:
http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/It … okid=12053.I would be happy to send you a free ebook. For a long time I did all I could to try and ‘save’ my son and get him to change. It took a powerful spiritual experience for God to let me know that my only responsiblity was to love my son as he is and that whatever he goes through is ‘necessary’ for his growth. We are human and have needs that are natural. We can choose how we fill those needs. We can eat healthy foods and feel good or junk food and get unhealthy. Sexual needs are also part of our natural needs. So, you need to decide what is a healthy way to meet your needs. It is extremely difficult to know how to live your life within the church. There is a good book called “Peculiar People’ written by gays who tell how they coped with this that I thought was very good. I will pray for you and hope it helps. I served a mission in Austria years ago and one of my sister companions hit on me sexually while I was asleep at night. It was very frightening for me but I sensed that she did not understand these feelings herself and so we talked about it in a kind and loving way. We stayed friends until she died 5 years ago. None of us know how we would react if we had strong feelings that we were told are wrong. We all have the need to be loved and you certainly have a right to that. Feel free to PM me.
Bridget
George wrote:That can only change if the church acknowledges and reaches out as our Savior does.
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I agree too that the church must act as the Savior. But not only does this mean sending away the crowd with the stones, it also means including the admonition to “sin no more.” Sometimes I think the people postured against the church want the one but can’t abide the other. I actually do see that the church is trying very very hard on this issue. I don’t think we give enough credit on this. This isn’t an easy issue and people lose perspective because of the strong emotions in their hearts. And I think most of the Saints I have talked to are really trying to put down the stones and open hearts. But they don’t want to be required to call evil “good” in order to be recognized as loving.
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