My Soul Hurts

[Anonymous]

My body, mind, and spirit have been aching.

Faith is no longer merely believing without seeing. I am now expected to believe despite the great amount of contrary evidence.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. My soul hurts today, too. One of my main comforts is knowing that I get to choose what I believe, based on what brings me connection to God, and that I don’t have to justify that belief to the church or anyone else. On some level, the evidence is irrelevant when it comes to the things that make me feel spiritually connected. But when it comes to believing other people, or the church or whatever, evidence matters very much. I am trying really hard to stay connected to God even when I experience major distrust for so much around me.

[Anonymous]

I’m always sorry to hear about someone’s soul hurting. God bless you as you work through this.

I know this is FAR easier to say than to do, but:

Find what you believe, and believe it – subject to change with further light and knowledge.

If you can’t believe something, based on conclusive evidence, don’t believe it – just make sure you are rejecting only that which you see as conclusive AND subject to change with further light and knowledge.

There are things I used to believe that I no longer believe, but there also are things I used to not believe that I now believe. Keeping an open mind toward both outcomes is important – but, in the moment, believe what you believe and don’t believe what you don’t believe.

[Anonymous]

Faith can never be a belief despite solid contradictory evidence. It isn’t faith anymore by definition. The purpose of faith is to bridge the gap of uncertainty and security with important things in ones life including god and afterlife, redemption etc.

But I like what Ray said. Keeping a oneself open to all new knowledge as we learn and explore together as brothers and sisters in life. To share what we learn and discover, and keeping an open mind with new discoveries and bridge the gap with faith, not create the gap with a quasi fake distorted faith.

There is enough of a gap needed with real fairy in life without forcing or creating a gap where non really exist with force quasi dogs faith.

It’s a joke with me and my friends but I like what it implies.

“Pet the sweaty stuff, don’t sweat the Petty stuff”.

It’s not implying really sex or relations but don’t add stuff on the list to worry about it force yourself that you don’t have to.

That’s the opposite of what faith can do for you in a positive way.

Hang in there Shawn. Don’t let people force you into something that is unhealthy for you.

[Anonymous]

It was down with the old man, up with the new

Raised to walk in the ways of light and truth

I didn’t see no angels, just a few saints on the shore

But I felt like a newborn baby, cradled up in the arms of the Lord

This road is long and dusty, sometimes the soul, it must be cleansed

And I long to feel that water rushing over me again

Randy Travis – “Baptism”

[Anonymous]

Sometimes we need to quit worrying about what makes the river flow, and simply become the water.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your thoughts, thalmar. I don’t know you at all so I’m reading your introduction

I like your comment “On some level, the evidence is irrelevant when it comes to the things that make me feel spiritually connected.” At times when the Spirit testified to me, any physical/human evidence was totally irrelevant. I am also considering your other thoughts. Again, thank you.

Ray, I appreciate what you said. I suppose God doesn’t ask me to be believe something when there is “conclusive evidence” against it. One thing I do believe, though, is that humans often come to erroneous conclusions, so you are wise to be open to further light and knowledge.

Forgotten_Charity, thank you for your input also. I am really thinking about “There is enough of a gap needed with real fairy in life without forcing or creating a gap where non really exist with force quasi dogs faith.” Are you saying my faith can bridge the gap and I believe in real fairies? Haha, I’m joking. I want to understand you better, but maybe there are some typos?

cwald, I love you man. I confess I don’t get your meaning. Don’t explain it to me, though. I want to think about it.

[Anonymous]

Great to hear from you buddy. I’m about to start missionary correlation meeting (with Pizza and french fries… we do very little correlation but they still love me… I wonder why )

I’ll get back to you on this later.

[Anonymous]

Shawn wrote:

Thanks for your thoughts, thalmar. I don’t know you at all so I’m reading your introduction

I like your comment “On some level, the evidence is irrelevant when it comes to the things that make me feel spiritually connected.” At times when the Spirit testified to me, any physical/human evidence was totally irrelevant. I am also considering your other thoughts. Again, thank you.

Ray, I appreciate what you said. I suppose God doesn’t ask me to be believe something when there is “conclusive evidence” against it. One thing I do believe, though, is that humans often come to erroneous conclusions, so you are wise to be open to further light and knowledge.

Forgotten_Charity, thank you for your input also. I am really thinking about “There is enough of a gap needed with real fairy in life without forcing or creating a gap where non really exist with force quasi dogs faith.” Are you saying my faith can bridge the gap and I believe in real fairies? Haha, I’m joking. I want to understand you better, but maybe there are some typos?

cwald, I love you man. I confess I don’t get your meaning. Don’t explain it to me, though. I want to think about it.

Shawn wrote:

Thanks for your thoughts, thalmar. I don’t know you at all so I’m reading your introduction

I like your comment “On some level, the evidence is irrelevant when it comes to the things that make me feel spiritually connected.” At times when the Spirit testified to me, any physical/human evidence was totally irrelevant. I am also considering your other thoughts. Again, thank you.

Ray, I appreciate what you said. I suppose God doesn’t ask me to be believe something when there is “conclusive evidence” against it. One thing I do believe, though, is that humans often come to erroneous conclusions, so you are wise to be open to further light and knowledge.

Forgotten_Charity, thank you for your input also. I am really thinking about “There is enough of a gap needed with real fairy in life without forcing or creating a gap where non really exist with force quasi dogs faith.” Are you saying my faith can bridge the gap and I believe in real fairies? Haha, I’m joking. I want to understand you better, but maybe there are some typos?

cwald, I love you man. I confess I don’t get your meaning. Don’t explain it to me, though. I want to think about it.

Hi Shawn. Sorry, I do my best to correct predicted text completion.

Peter Pan auto predict there I see lol.

I meant there is enough of a gap in real life situation needed in faith to bridge that gap then to add way more additional physical and emotional and spiritual strain on a person. Then to add additional things by forcing what need not be forced where faith is contradicted by experience and consistent evidence which is not faith anymore.

Faith in certain things require tremendous amounts of energy sometimes, but to add to that dogma non faith by starting with a accepted truth or dogma and force yourself to bridge that gap as well in spite of experience and evidence is so harmful and so emotionally and physically draining it can’t lead to more hope or faith. By definition and experience it tends to destroy where actual faith is needed in the unseen. Then to try to force yourself to believe you didn’t experience or see what you saw…which is destructive to actual faith when and where it really is needed with the hoped for and unseen.

It destroys rather then builds real faith because it can many times tax people to tiger spiritual and mental limits on a constant basis when trying to use faith in context of forcing to inexperience and un-see. By way of rationalizing, minimizing, and distorting your actual experiences to make it fit.

A belief in things unseen like god, the afterlife , doing good unto others while others hurt you etc. are hard enough at times with so many confusing experiences then to add to that a whole lot of others things that on the whole seem largely irrelevant in the big picture.

Different people have experience different parts of life, put what fits together for you without trying to force pieces together. Trying to force compartmentalization is very destructive health and faith.

Let a persons experiences be there experiences and bridge the gap with things he or she has actually not seen or experienced.

Sensory overload isn’t good. Faith is wonderful when used constructively, but it also can be used destructively and minimize the good that it can actually do when used destructively.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. I guess I would say don’t believe what you can’t believe, hope for what you can, and hold fast to that which is good – which isn’t necessarily what others hold to.

[Anonymous]

Shawn wrote:

My body, mind, and spirit have been aching.

Faith is no longer merely believing without seeing. I am now expected to believe despite the great amount of contrary evidence.

I’m sorry that you’re at such a low point right now. If you have the energy, I hope you’ll share what’s changed lately.

[Anonymous]

I need to dump some stuff on you all. Please don’t think you need to do anything – there is NO IMMINENT DANGER of harm. I don’t know who I can talk to. My wife gets a surge of anxiety when I tell her about my issues. She is so worried I will quit my job. I think my buddies are tired of me talking about how miserable life can be and they need a break. I’ve talked to plenty of family doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists.

I just don’t want to be alive anymore, but I want more to spare my family the hurt they would experience if I harmed myself.

It’s amazing that I still have a job. I had used up all my sick leave for the year before April. I still call in sick at times and use vacation hours and my manager isn’t liking that. I don’t tell my wife when I skip work because she would worry.

I want to lie in bed in the evenings but I don’t want to neglect my family. I often end up on the floor in the living room so I can be near them. Sometimes my little girl can cheer me up because that’s how little children are.

I am a schmuck to my wife. I am selfish. Have you noticed most of my sentences start with “I”? My wife had faith in me for so many years and I killed that faith. Her countenance for me has fallen. She starts a full time job Monday. I understand many households have dual incomes and that’s just the way it is these days, but it has been a very important goal for me to provide for my family while while my wife stays home and that’s what she wanted as well.

I want to give up. That doesn’t mean suicide. It means I want to drop out of life except for raising my kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you’re hurting Shawn. I’m sorry you’re unwell. Mental illness sucks. It’s one of those those invisible illnesses that too many people still don’t “get.” My DW sometimes goes through extended periods of depression. I’ve learned that I can’t fix it for her, only love and support her.

I had a brief few months last year of mental illness. It passed, but gave a brief insight into what people who are unwell go through.

I’m not going to offer any advice. Only to say, come back often and “dump” as much as you need to on us.

[Anonymous]

Shawn – I have no words. My heart though is reaching out to you. I know it doesn’t fix it. Please, please vent any time. I do find for myself that writing – truly yelling, swearing and screaming on the page helps. If your pain is too personal for here, type/write and vent on paper. Leave nothing unsaid. Then throw the pages away/delete them if on the computer. For me it helps. It doesn’t always fix things, but it makes some space in my soul.

Thank you for trusting us with your pain. You are valuable.

[Anonymous]

I find some consolation in Trisha Yearwood’s song:

Quote:

Katie’s sittin’ on the old front porch

Watchin’ the chickens peck the ground

There ain’t a whole lot goin’ on tonight

In this one-horse town

Over yonder comin’ up the road

In a beat-up Chevy truck

Her boyfriend Tommy, he’s layin’ on the horn

Splashin’ through the mud and the muck

Her daddy says he ain’t worth a lick

When it comes to brains, he got the short end of the stick

But Katie’s young and, man, she just don’t care

She’d follow Tommy anywhere…

She’s in love with the boy

What’s meant to be will always find a way

She’s gonna marry that boy someday

I really was a hay-seed plowboy raised on a farm in a small town. I was walking down the road one day with my brother when we were teenagers. A lady with two girls in her car drove by. She said, “Those boys are cute.” One of the girls replied, “Yeah, but they’re trouble.”

Later, when I started going to church, I took a liking to that girl. She fell for me when I was at my best and she would have followed me anywhere. We got married shortly after my mission and I fell apart shortly after that. Her dad still thinks I’m not worth a lick. I was blessed with a brain, but not the attention-span or discipline to do something with it.

Though she stubbornly loves me, my wife is not so charmed now and probably wouldn’t follow me anywhere. She is setting her own course and allowing me to trudge behind her if I behave. I’ve been a lot of trouble – she was right about that – but maybe she still thinks I’m cute. I think she still digs it when I put my cowboy hat on and drive my beat-up Chevy truck through the mud. That’s one thing I’ve got going for me. Obviously, she already married the boy, but we have not arrived. Maybe it really is meant to be and we will find a way.

Yeah, this is really cheesy, but it works for me.

[Author]

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