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Hi! I am new to this forum. I have to tell you how grateful I am to have found this site. I have seen a lot of the exmo and NOM boards, and while I do not stand in judgment of where anyone is in their life, I have been seeking a place where I could discuss my questions and concerns without anger and bitterness. This looks like it might be a good fit.
As I continue to progress through life and learn more about myself and the world around me, I have had lots of questions. In particular, as I have begun to be more pyschologically healthy, I have questioned whether I really believe the Gospel is true or have I just followed the path of least resistance/been actually dependent on the Church to give my life structure.
There are so many positive aspects to being a member of the Church and I feel I have been extremely blessed now that I have a more intimate relationship with a loving Heavenly Father and my Savior. I didn’t have that relationship growing up and was raised in a very strict “cultural mormon” household without what I feel was a strong gospel-based foundation.
Because of this, as I have matured and experienced life, I see things about the Church that bother me, that don’t make sense to me, and that sometimes can be very hurtful. I have always given the church the “benefit of the doubt” realizing that the Church is people and people aren’t perfect. But at what point, if an organization is led by inspiration, do we hold the organization accountable for some of its practices that can be harmful?
As I continue to explore my faith and uncertainty, I hope to rebuild a stronger foundation at least in the area of my relationship with a loving God and Savior. I have been thinking about “fully living my covenants to the best of my ability for the next year…no questions asked” and see where I come out at the end of the year. But part of me feels like I have already been there and done that….and maybe it is okay just to ask, to question, to search, and to grow in new and different ways.
Here is a little background info on me:
–Divorced mother of three sons (none of them are active in the church)
–Grew up in Gilbert Arizona (in the mormon “compound”) and in Rural Missouri (the bible belt)
–Went to BYU at age 17
–Married an RM at age 19 (I tried really hard to assimilate)
–Spent the next ten years trying to do everything I was “supposed” to do, had three kids, earned a master’s degree, etc….
–Marriage fell apart after 12 years (I don’t know if it had to do with the church or not….our communication was so bad….and I was so hard to approach that maybe it could have been saved if we had been able to honestly talk about it)
–I freaked out and got married really quickly (one year after the divorce was final) to a TBM who was very straight arrow because I wanted someone to take care of me
–TBM marriage did a lot of damage to my children (which I am still repairing) and didn’t last long. I think we were together about 18 months?
–Have been single (again) for about 5 years now and have overcome a lot of those initial feelings of “not fitting in” because I was now divorced
–Am a working, professional mom who loves her children and loves the Savior but just doesn’t “GET” the church and its culture sometimes…it can be a very lonely place.
Thanks for listening
Welcome, professionalmom. I’m glad you found us. The two thoughts that flashed through my mind as I read your introduction were:
1) It takes a while to work through deeply ingrained cultural things from one’s childhood – to be able to separate what is Gospel and what is ever-evolving organizational culture. I wish you the best as you do that.
2) There have been multiple statements recently by apostles reaffirming that each member has the freedom to understand the Gospel and the doctrines /teachings of the Church the best s/he can – that the Church is broad enough to account for differing opinions as long as we are of one heart and mind in focus (drawing nearer to God and being united as a community). If you haven’t already, I would recommend highly that you read Elder Wirthlin’s talks over the last three years – his final testimonies, if you will. There are some powerful messages in them. Elder Anderson’s talk from this past General Conference also spoke much of loving and accepting those who are not like the majority.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this forum.
Thanks, Ray. Your first statement actually captures exactly what I am parsing through…what part of my beliefs are my beliefs and what part are cultural nonsense. What I value the most is a deep, loving relationship with myself, with my Savior, and with all those around me. It is my hope that through this process I will be better able to know who I am, be stronger in standing on my own two feet, and be more capable of accepting and loving others. I will definitely check out Elder Wirthlin’s talks…I just loved him! professionalmom wrote:But at what point, if an organization is led by inspiration, do we hold the organization accountable for some of its practices that can be harmful?
Hi, Promom. Welcome to the StayLDS forums. I’m glad you posted and introduced yourself.
It may help to keep in mind that the organization is not really led by inspiration, but by people. And of course sometimes the practices of people are harmful and sometimes they are inspired and inspiring.
What Tom said. Welcome, professionalmom: I hope you find what you need here. I look forward to hearing more of your story. Thanks for the comments. You are right Tom….I think expecting perfection from myself, from others, or from an organization is just not realistic. The most important thing I can do is focus on living true to myself while developing a close relationship with my Savior, loving others as the Savior would, and letting go of what doesn’t really matter. That might be a great motto for this site, profmom. Yes, it might, Ray. Yes, it might. Welcome profmom! I’m so glad you found us. I appreciate all that you’ve shared thus far and I look forward to hearing more from you, your presence will add to what this community is. Welcome to the site! I too am a working mom of 3. Cool! A fellow sister who has “been there, done that”!!! Hi ProfessioinalMom, I too am new at this forum, and am glad I found it since I am seeking answers in my own life and hope to share with others who may be doing the same.
My thought as I read your background was that I admire and respect you. I come from a different background, my ancestors were pioneers and I was raised by strong loving parents who taught me well. I have lived my whole life in the church and never really had to try to assimilate or become part of another culture, this is all I know. Yet here at my stage in life, I have my own personal struggles and questions regarding God and His church.
As a life long member, I have always had deep respect for those who convert and make difficult changes. I try to learn from them and realize how beautiful the gospel is that draws us all together, despite our differences. I have also been part of many leadership callings, and knew from the day I was called that I was so underqualified to try to help or lead others, but have grown through making mistakes and relying on God to carry me through despite my weaknesses. The church really is imperfect people putting a lot of stress and pressure on being as perfect as possible as quickly as possible, and many times are wrapped up in pine wood derbies or home teaching goals that distract many from the true purpose of religion.
My point is that you should not feel you NEED to change who you are as a person to “fit in” because those that you may try to emulate (TBMs or the perceived rock solid saints) need to be trying to change to be better at the same time. We should be trying to change our hearts and use Christ as our standard, and Him only. In fact, I strongly believe the other members of the ward you go to need to benefit from your perspective, your testimony, and your faith to continue to strive to live the gospel under your circumstances. You can be a great light to others that life-long members such as I cannot, because I haven’t gone through what you’ve gone through.
I mean this with deep sincerity. You and I may have different circumstances, but we are both seeking answers and seeking peace. I hope we can find it in the church (sooner rather than later, huh?).
Thank you for such a thoughtful and kind response. You have helped me remember that people in my ward have responded positively to me revealing my authentic self and have actually thanked me for sharing my perspective. I just need to not give up and not be afraid to use my voice when appropriate. Best wishes for you as you walk your own path! Heber13 wrote:In fact, I strongly believe the other members of the ward you go to need to benefit from your perspective, your testimony, and your faith to continue to strive to live the gospel under your circumstances. You can be a great light to others that life-long members such as I cannot, because I haven’t gone through what you’ve gone through.
I just wanted to say I think this is beautiful.
I’m coming in kind of late, but still wanted to make sure and extend my welcome to you. Glad to have you here. I enjoyed reading your comments.
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