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I have been lurking here for a while, and I guess I need to make an introduction if I want to contribute. My crisis of faith began about 10 years ago. I have been a very active member since I was a child, MIT, etc., but always had questions and unorthodox opinions which I kept to myself. I have often been overcome by feelings of guilt and worthlessness due to my perception of the requirements of the church. Then something happened that I could not mentally process within my understanding of the gospel. I felt there was no one in the church I could talk to about this.
Thinking there must be someone in a church of millions who had experienced these feelings, I sought support on the internet. Eventually I connected with NOM where my feelings were validated. In the process I also discovered the many anomalies in church history and doctrine that have caused others to dissent from the church. But these issues have never become a major stumbling block for me.
There followed several years of intense reflection and introspection in which I discovered it is not so much the doctrines of the church, but rather the way I perceived or integrated the doctrines, policies, and counsels that led to my disaffection. As I connected with my own spiritual needs, I recognized that I needed a complete break from the church, at least emotionally.
After gaining confidence in my own path, I now feel the need to forge a new relationship with the church. Because I will always attend the church as long as my dh does, I will always “stay LDS.” I need to have a new way of internalizing or restructuring the concepts that are taught so they do not become toxic to me. I hope this web group can offer suggestions along these lines.
Hi Nonny, I recognize you from NOM. We’re trying to work on going a few steps beyond just tolerating the Church. We’re trying to cultivate an appreciation, even if it comes from a new and different perspective. There’s no going backwards (at least in my experience).
Nonny wrote:There followed several years of intense reflection and introspection in which I discovered it is not so much the doctrines of the church, but rather the way I perceived or integrated the doctrines, policies, and counsels that led to my disaffection.
I really connected with that statement of yours. The Church is just the Church. We choose how we want to deal with it, interpret it, live it, practice it, consciously decide NOT practice part of it, or whatever. It’s a tough journey, but a worthwhile one to take that ownership back. That is my hope.
Welcome to the site.
Nonny, I have referenced this elsewhere, but one of the things that kept me from disillusionment as an adult was discovering early in life that even leaders are wrong about many things. My understanding of that came at a very young age as I read the Book of Mormon and realized I was getting meaning from it that was different than what others were telling me it meant. I realized that I could construct something of meaning for myself without invalidating what they were constructing for themselves. Therefore, I have never been concerned about being certain or absolutely right. When I describe here are elsewhere how I see something, I know I am describing only what I see at this moment – and that it is likely to be different in the future. If you are interested in the post I wrote about that on Mormon Matters, it is:
http://mormonmatters.org/2008/06/22/the-bright-night-of-my-soul/ Hi, Nonny. Thanks for introducing yourself. I remember your name from NOM. It may not be, for us, the same Church it used to be, but what we share is a belief that somehow, whatever we are and whatever it is can have a mutually beneficial relationship if we are willing to become mature enough. Yeah, I’m dreaming.
KM
Nonny wrote:After gaining confidence in my own path, I now feel the need to forge a new relationship with the church. Because I will always attend the church as long as my dh does, I will always “stay LDS.” I need to have a new way of internalizing or restructuring the concepts that are taught so they do not become toxic to me. I hope this web group can offer suggestions along these lines.
I like this, I hope so too!
Welcome!
Hi Nonny! 
I know you from NOM, so it’s nice to see your sweet personality over here. I’ve always enjoyed your posts. I’m looking forward to reading them over here!
whimsey
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