My wife made me do it.

[Anonymous]

I guess since I am here I will tell my story.

I have been a member since I was 9 years old. I am now 45 years old. My mother was an inactive member most of my childhood and then she became really active when I was in 9th grade. This was back in 1980. I was drug to church for about 2 years until I stopped going and took about 3 years and did a lot of partying. Then I decided to clean up and live a more respectable life and find some new friends, so went back to church and made new friends in the YSA. Next thing I know I am on a mission in Alabama. Served an honorable mission, but I did not obey all of the rules. One of my comps and I would stay up till 12 midnight on Sunday and go to a 24 hrs Wendy’s for a frosty (What a rebel). I loved my mission. I attribute most of my happiness in life to leasons leard while serving as a missionary. The most valueable skills learned were not of a spiritual nature ie: time management, developing personal relationships, working through issues with other people, public speaking. Went to Ricks College and found my wife. Got married out side of Temple but sealed a year later. Have been an active members since with no issues, going to the temple, accepting callings and generally being a good Mormon.

Everything was great!!!

Then about 3 months ago my wife shared her reservations with me about her testimony. She is the RS President. I was blind sided by this. I told her to get her *%$# together and fix her testimony. (I am not a complete jerk, but I was that day. It will become apparent why I took this approach) She tried to fix her testimony, we read the BoM, prayed and attended the Temple, but it did not work. After a couple of months and nothing really changing, I began to open up to her as to why I was so angry about her confessions.

I have had a problem with my testimony for years, but just felt it was due to my lack of faith. The bottom line is, I really do not believe in God. I think religion is a man made institution to help mankind feel good about death and for us to live in a manner that benefits the rest of mankind. I love the church and its teaching and feel that it helps build strong families and helps develop good citizens. I was happy to go along with being an active member and fulfilling my calling and helping out with the what ever project the EQ was working on. I enjoy the church, but have issues with some of the doctrines.

My frustration and less than admirable response to my wife was due to her forceing me deal with issues that I was happy to just keep to myself.

I found this site and have truly enjoyed reading other member’s statements and finding out that I was not the only one with this problem.

[Anonymous]

Wow, notsure, quite a story!!

Welcome, I imagine this site is perfect for you and, maybe your wife too. Not sure if you want to mix that way but….

As you know, your story is pretty common here. I think it’s fantastic that you and your wife can be so open and honest with each other. If you can keep that up, you guys will certainly work it out and it will be (whatever “it” is) the most rewarding part of a very rewarding existence.

Good luck and stay active! (on this site, I mean 😳 )

[Anonymous]

notsureanymore wrote:

I enjoy the church, but have issues with some of the doctrines.

Hi there…welcome! Yes, this place can be helpful. What you said above is the common thread here, and so far, I’ve found it a friendly, very supportive forum. I like that it’s “real,” you can say your piece without getting too many guilt-inducing responses!

Everybody here seems to have a different “take” on God, religion, and the doctrines. It’s fun to see the various beliefs here. We all have a degree of involvement in the church, and most of us have family members active that we deal with in different ways to keep the peace.

So I have a few questions for you. You said your wife wants you to “deal with your issues.” Yet, she is questioning her testimony. What is she really asking?

Next, do you have kids? Are they active with friends that are active? Where do you live? Are your friends mostly active?

I have some thoughts, but these answers might help me. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Everybody here seems to have a different “take” on God, religion, and the doctrines. It’s fun to see the various beliefs here.

Welcome to the site, Notsure. The most important thing is to realize that every person has a spiritual path. If yours differs from the 99, that’s okay. You and your wife still have your own spiritual path. Maybe yours is one with less of a literalist view. Maybe it’s a more humanist approach than divine. But everyone’s path is supposed to differ. It often doesn’t feel like that at church, but it’s truly the way it is.

I hope you enjoy the site.

[Anonymous]

Hi.

It’s kinda scary to admit you have doubt, huh? I felt so guilty about mine! And so angry at the guilt too. LOL. Felt that this was my mormon culture rather than God talking though. I actually think God was much more comfortable with my questions.

I think what has helped me is to be ok with where I am and it has really helped for me to talk about it out in the open. My husband has been so supportive and I know sometimes my doubts have made him sad. But he stands by me and he discusses with me and he has let me opt out of church when I need to but then he reminds me of things I do know and he helps me build on that.

I hope you find that you can open up and share your feelings here. So many people here really understand. I am so impressed. And I think it is OK and even good/right to take yourself out of the fray and evaluate things. I am almost 40 and I sometimes think that maybe I finally now have the courage to test what I have been professing for all these years. And someone said on another thread something about continually updating ones understanding according to new truth or new experience. ( I can’t do the quote justice and can’t remember where I read it, but whoever said it was awesome). That really meant a great deal to me because it kinda freed me to stand on my own and explore a bit without all the fear.

Welcome. And doesn’t it feel so good to tell the truth???

PS. I like your little space ship saucer picture thing. I wanna believe too.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

You said your wife wants you to “deal with your issues.” Yet, she is questioning her testimony. What is she really asking?

She is not questioning my issues directly, but her coming out with her issues forced me to confront my own. I don’t think she realized I had these issues. I had put on a pretty good front for many years. She and I have come up with an explanation that I think applies to many of us. “I wanted to believe, I tried to believe, but I just do not believe.”

Quote:

“Next, do you have kids? Are they active with friends that are active?

We have one child, a 6 year old son, he really does not like going to church.

Quote:

“Where do you live?

North Carolina

Quote:

“Are your friends mostly active?

We don’t have a great deal of friends in the Ward we are in. Our ward is unique, lots of med students that come and go.

[Anonymous]

Welcome! I’m glad you found us and hope that we can help each other in some way.

[Anonymous]

Welcome! Can we call you NSA for short? It goes nicely with the UFO pic, conspiracies and all that.

I am glad you decided to stop in. Nobody here is going to freak out about your background. We all share doubts and different points of view. I really enjoy interacting with everyone here.

What an interesting situation you are in. Sorry it is causing turmoil for you. I can’t believe you adapted and meshed so well into the Church, apparently so happily, with the doubts/belief set you are working with. I am serious. That is really interesting.

Just out of curiosity, do you consider yourself more Atheist or Agnostic? Are you pretty set on there really being no God, period. Or is it one of those things where you don’t see any compelling evidence in favor of God, but you wouldn’t rule out the possibility of a supreme being/beings?

I look forward to hearing more from you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing your story. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on subjects on this site.

Sometimes if we allow ourselves to be really open-minded, I think we can find meaning to things that help us be happy in this life, and that can be evidence of truth or of a Supreme Being that loves us or whatever, and that can move us in a positive direction.

I have found it helpful to not get caught up in “do’s and don’ts” or “true and false” about religion or God…it doesn’t have to be black or white…you may find by looking at things with a new perspective or changing how you do things (spend more time with nature or with people or read what other religious teachings have to offer), the new information enlightens your mind and dispels the fear or angst that we sometimes carry around when going to church not feeling like we believe it all just like “everyone else does”. Fact is, our experience here on earth is unique to each of us, IMO. Allow yourself to be you.

I wish you the best as you be brave enough to seek new perspectives and learn new things. God bless you and welcome to the family.

[Anonymous]

notsureanymore wrote:

We don’t have a great deal of friends in the Ward we are in. Our ward is unique, lots of med students that come and go.

Thanks for the answers. I personally think they are important issues to consider when thinking about how to proceed. Most here have issues with family…and within the typical LDS culture, they tend to frown on “doubters.”

So my approach is, what makes you happy? Do you enjoy going to church? Do you get a sense of belonging, hope, fellowship there? Is it a social outlet that you enjoy? Do you feel a sense of spirituality that is helpful to you?

I think the answers to those questions would be helpful. Personally, I think there are many paths to “heaven,” whatever that is for you. Many here continue activity in church for a new set of reasons than “it is the only way to get to heaven.” So I think it wise for you to weigh all the issues.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

notsureanymore wrote:

The most valueable skills learned were not of a spiritual nature ie: time management, developing personal relationships, working through issues with other people, public speaking.

One of the cool things in life that we celebrate here is you get to inspect what works for you. You get to rework and redefine as you approach the truth. To me, the things you learned on your mission were deeply spiritual. Go figure!

I love atheists! Not so sure that’s what you are, but I want you to know most of us here have little discomfort calling atheists our sisters and brothers. The way I look at it is that ideally we should all be true to the deepest truth within us. If that truth is incompatible with the idea within us of “God”, then we should discard the idea within us of “God” and stick instead to the deepest truth we know. In fact, many of us here are tirelessly insistent about that idea of not hanging with something that disagrees with your deepest reality.

[Author]

Posts