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I didn’t know where to post this, but thought maybe here just for the mods to read … I just found it almost comical when my wife, who up to now has continued to tell me she “hates” this website because she thinks it is pulling me away from the gospel (in her uninformed opinion), came home from work yesterday and said Quote:I’m so mad. I need StayLDS! to help me figure this out. I know the gospel is true, but I think sometimes bishops are crazy and they totally make me mad! Maybe the bishop was called to be in that position because God knew they needed to learn something, but it totally makes it frustrating for us having to deal with that! I may have to register at StayLDS and talk this through!
😯 We talked for about an hour about it. Basically, the story is my daughter in college confessed some things to the bishop, who is being very kind in tone of speaking to her, but coming down very hard discipline wise, making my daughter feel awful and guilty. My daughter has been trying to do the right thing with being active at church and reading and praying and repenting, and part of the repentance was to confess things to clear things up, but she didn’t come away feeling inspired or loved, but chewed out and worse about things.
My wife is just protective, so the momma-bear instincts came out and she is not happy with the bishop, and really wants to call him back and tell him off. I told her that won’t help. Our daughter needs to learn from this, and she is doing the right thing and just needs our support to remind her she is doing what is right, and shouldn’t feel bad about herself.
I listened and let her rant for a while, and she did a pretty good job of working through the fact that our daughter should be humble, and work with the bishop who isn’t perfect and maybe isn’t always inspired, but it is frustrating when some bishops feel the need to point out how serious mistakes are and that there needs to be a time to show repentance…but don’t realize how bad they make the confessor feel.
Then she said, “It is just really hard to try to accept the middle way. Believe the church, but also accept it is not perfect.”
It actually shows there is some progress in our relationship. Perhaps if I’m patient, over time, she will be less threatened by StayLDS, and more able to accept some of the concepts, and that everything online isn’t Anti-Mormon.
Perhaps it is an example of how people who lurk and read things, sometimes need time to get the vision themselves…sometimes we can’t really explain it well enough until they get it themselves…but lurking helps plant seeds. Because she has lurked for a long time and then runs to her dad with things she hates about what I post. It was an interesting turn of events, I just thought I’d share.
Wow! Fascinating change of events. Sorry to hear your daughter is going through a rough patch. I think you are handling it as best any parent could — supportive but also allowing her to work things out. Kids need support, but also the confidence that only comes through experience. Speaking of which, I like what Dan Wotherspoon often points out: Stage 5 (or perhaps a middle-way too) isn’t something you can really explain or teach someone intellectually. It isn’t an academic pursuit. You have to
liveyour way into it, and it takes time. Pretty interesting story, Heber. Thanks for sharing that, Heber. I don’t like that it had to happen in that way, but I’m happy to read about it, nonetheless.
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