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Perhaps you have experienced “the Moment”. Like when a family member comes in to you with a traditional believer’s comment. You have your own, unorthodox comment which, if shared will likely startle the traditional believer and maybe even upset them if it reveals a testimony or commitment problem. And you desparately want to say it!! What runs through your mind? What processes go on in your head? How have you learned to hold your tongue?
First, I let there be a space between their comment, and mine. I censor what I’m about to say. I often think about the possible negative reaction I’ll get if I make a comment. A comment like “I think you should stop idolizing the Apostles — they are just highly successful men, and what they say is not always inspired. Often, they can be outright wrong and you can hurt your life by following their advice without running it through your own filters first”. Then I make a neutral comment, or one that makes the person think, without being blunt or offensive.
After they leave, with their inner peace intact, I normally feel relieved and a bit satisfied I haven’t contributed to the sum total of misery in the world by being too candid. Also, I have this feeling of satisfaction that I haven’t closed off any options.
How does it work for you?
My philosophy is: do no harm. This can be tricky. I try to assess:
– Where are they in terms of gospel experiences & knowledge?
– Are they trying to start an argument or seriously discuss an issue?
– Are they looking for agreement or are they looking for alternative views & opinions?
– How will they react if I’m critical of what they are saying?
I like & agree with your conclusion. It goes back to my 1st statement:
Quote:Then I make a neutral comment, or one that makes the person think, without being blunt or offensive.
After they leave, with their inner peace intact, I normally feel relieved and a bit satisfied I haven’t contributed to the sum total of misery in the world by being too candid. Also, I have this feeling of satisfaction that I haven’t closed off any options.
I like open discussions on many topics. Everyone doesn’t have to agree. I am not offended if someone doesn’t agree with me.
The only topic I don’t like to discuss with people is the political views & beliefs. That can really make me angry.
Yep — a good thing to visualize — all the pain and anguish you cause in others when you burst their bubble. Reality is great, but we live in illusion half the time anyway — not knowing what people REALLY think, whether what people tell us is true. Best not burst the bubble of other people who are living in peace…
SilentDawning wrote:Yep — a good thing to visualize — all the pain and anguish you cause in others when you burst their bubble.
Reality is great, but we live in illusion half the time anyway — not knowing what people REALLY think, whether what people tell us is true. Best not burst the bubble of other people who are living in peace…
So is this just restating “ignorance is bliss”, or is it different? Not sure.When I was 10 years old our class (grade school) ran laps around a field. I got tired after only 4 laps or so. Right as I was exiting the field a friend of mine was just arriving, tardy to school. They made a joke about how few laps I had run and the teacher overheard and laughed at the joke. I felt slighted. The next day I thought of the perfect comeback, “Well you didn’t run any laps at all!” Of course by then it was too late to share. That story has stuck with me all these years. 🙂 Nothing has really changed since then. What I should have said always comes days later. I navigate the moment by remaining silent. It’s probably kept me out of trouble.
LookingHard wrote:SilentDawning wrote:So is this just restating “ignorance is bliss”, or is it different? Not sure.
In this case, though, we don’t know all truth as it applies to Mormonism. I have had spiritual experiences that suggest truth, but other experiences that make me feel its just like any other church out there.
So, we are all in degrees of ignorance. I’m not going to burst someone’s peaceful, potential ignorance, with my own disruptive, potential ignorance.
SilentDawning wrote:So, we are all in degrees of ignorance. I’m not going to burst someone’s peaceful, potential ignorance, with my own disruptive, potential ignorance.
I love this, SD. Faith is such a matter of opinion that we are all ignorant in one way or the other. When I was a believer, I was aware of many things, but I put more weight on the spiritual. Some of the things that made me lose faith long ago, I now look at in a much different way. So much so, that I might not have reacted the same way with my current view.Now that the initial faith crisis storm has passed, I try to: Use “I” statements. Which should have learned before now. It’s Therapy 101. I’m slow….
🙂 Use “now”‘statements. This one was tacked on later, as I finally understood that I’m on a neverending
journey.
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