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Again, thank you all so much for your input. I appreciate getting perspective and different takes on this. It is difficult to always stay rational when hurt feelings or emotions are involved. One of the things I really like about our group is that I feel we sinerely care about each otheand are respectful, even if we don’t agree. I posted this thread on another lds forum and you would be amazed at how I was bashed and even called a flaming liberal who must have hated Bush. Anyway, I am the type of person who does try to resolve problems in a loving way. I did write this bishop a very nice letter and explained how I felt we got off on the wrong foot and with the spirit of trying to understand each other. No reply yet. (It’s been a week and we are moving April 7th and will be in Florida by the 9th. I really prayed about this and poured my heart out to God about what direction he wants me to take. I had a dark cloud feeling over me in regards to this bishop and ward, so I decided to check out other churches in Port Orange over the net, that my husband might feel comfortable in. My husband, still prays but not in the name of Jesus Christ as he says he really does not know whether Jesus is the son of God.
I found the following links and felt impressed to call this one church. A young man with the same name as my gay son answered. He is the youth pastor there. He was so friendly and welcoming told his the youth would help us unload the truck when we got there. This church is only 2 minutes from our house (the lds one is 19 minutes away) and I felt good about it. So did my husband, so we are going to check it out.
http://www.portorangechristian.org/fishermen/ http://www.portorangechristian.org/girlfriends-unlimited/ I’ll let you know how it goes. Bridget
Wow! That looks like a cool church. This has really been hard on you, hasn’t it? For what it’s worth, I think you caught the fellow in a bad mood, and he will generally be better behaved in the future. I have been guilty of evasive delaying tactics myself sometimes when my wife has surprised me with a honey-do.
Thanks Tom, I hope you are right. I recently saw a new family try something that I had not seen before. I live in a large city (far from Utah) with 3-4 stakes in a 30 mile radius. This family was moving into the area and had decided to go ward shopping. They said we were the 6th ward they had visited, and didn’t indicate that they were going go stop any time soon. They had a son probably 15 or 16 with them. I don’t know anything wards/branches in Port Orange, but perhaps checking out LDS wards might be helpful. dash1730 wrote:This family was moving into the area and had decided to go ward shopping.
Interestingly enough we had two families last year come to our ward just to check it out. We have several small cities around here that they were trying to choose from and what the wards were like was going to be part of there decision making. One ended up moving here and one did not. Sometime there isn’t that much luxury to chose though.
Well, this Bishop from Florida called me today to see if we still needed help with unloading the truck. I thanked him for calling and offering but said that my husband and I had already gotten other help. He seemed a bit surprised but said to call him in case we still needed some help. Again, I thanked him and asked him if he had gotten my letter in the mail. He said he had not. I then told him that I hoped he would get the letter and read it as I felt it would help us understand each other better. I apologized if I had come across as negative but I did not want to be dishonest in the questions he had asked me. I thought perhaps this would take down the defensives and he might apologize too for coming on too strong. Instead, he gets beligerent and says that he is very concerned about a family like ours coming into his ward and not having a strong testimony of the Book of Mormon and church. He said that he only wanted members who had strong testimonies and would not shake the faith of others. That things were black and white and we either believed or did not and he wanted to meet us when we got there to find out why we lack faith. My husband overheard the call and was realled ticked of then. So, now when we get there he plans to talk to this bishop in person and let him know that he should have apologized to me and why he left the church. Right after that I got all this welcoming from the other church at the links I posted. bridget_night wrote:Right after that I got all this welcoming from the other church at the links I posted.
It’s a sign
Here is the letter I wrote this bishop. I sent a copy to his home and the chapel and thought he would have read it by now, but he said he had not gotten it yet. My husband plans to talk to him just to let him know this is not a good attitude to take with new people coming into the area or for those struggling with their testimonies. But, I do not care to talk to him again. Sunday, March 28, 2010Dear Bishop Webb,
I am sorry that we got off on the wrong foot over the phone. Apparently, I did not understand where you were coming from and you have no idea where I was coming from. Because of this, we both reacted badly to each other. I hope we can start over, and resolve these misunderstandings.
From talking to my previous bishop, who said he had talked to you by phone, you have a ward that is very transient. You also have a ward with members who are struggling with their own testimonies and may not be supportive. I am sure you get a lot of complaints and negativity that could tax even a lds ‘saint.’ This must be overwhelming and discouraging for you times. I know that Bishops carry a big load and that so many members bring problems to you. I am sure it is enough to make you be more cautious and skeptical when ‘outsiders’ like myself, call asking for help. So, I want to apologize if I came across too defensive and negative.
Perhaps, a brief background of myself and my family might clear some things up for you. I am a lifetime member, raised by convert parents, who joined the church in Germany before WWII. They had strong testimonies and my dad was really into genealogy. Because of the church and leadership of Apostle Benson, my family did not starve to death and we were able to immigrate to America. I have always had a strong testimony growing up and desired to serve a mission for the church. At 21, I served an honorable mission in Austria. European missions are very difficult and it was the first time I began to question my faith. I realized I had pretty much accepted the lds gospel blindly and needed to get my own testimony of Joseph Smith and the church. The one thing I did get a spiritual witness of was the ‘Plan of Salvation’ after reading the Pearl of Great Price and King Folett Sermon. It made so much sense to me that we are eternal intelligences that God did not create but clothed with a spirit and physical body so we could become like him. That we made that conscious choice in the pre-existence. I believe that we as son’s and daughters of God can become little ‘gods’ and inherit all that he has. I feel this is a true concept.
I graduated from the lds ‘Institute’ in Las Vegas and loved studying all I could about the church and gospel. My favorite scriptures were the Doctrine and Covenants as it felt closer to our day. I bought myself a set of church history volumes and Journal of Discourses. This is when I became aware of the imperfections of church leaders. I was not looking at anti-Mormon stuff or to find fault with the church. But, I was shocked at some of the things early church leaders taught and believed. I guess I had put church leaders on such high pedestals and I felt like a little girl who found out mommy and daddy had some serious faults. So, please know that I am not against the church but have been disappointed from time to time. I think it is important to not make members feel like they are bad or negative if they have sincere doubts or questions about the church or gospel. Had Joseph Smith or Martin Luther not had questions about their churches, there would be no lds church today. One of the greatest things about our church is that it teaches the importance of getting personal revelation for yourself. That we should get confirmations about whether what our leaders teach is true and from God. Other wise all of us could be mis-lead by the many deceptions out there in the world today. So please know that you will not find more supportive people who love to serve others than my husband and I. My husband does want to talk to you when we get to Florida. He understands where you are coming from but does not think you handled it right over the phone with me. He has been elders quorum president, High Priest Group leader and high councilman. He knows the difficulties in wards and that leaders have. He is not hostile to the church in any way and served with all his heart. It is a long story of why he left the church and how painful this has been for him. He wishes the church were true, but his spiritual experiences have not been the same as for others for him. I respect and honor his integrity. No one is more of a humanitarian. He would be more than willing to help on any service projects your ward has and support me in ward activities.
I taught in Relief Society for many years. I taught gospel doctrine class for 4 years and gospel principles class for 4 years. Because I related the gospel to people’s every day lives and was a great teacher, many inactives became active. I do not say that to brag but to let you know that I have served faithfully in all my callings and am a valiant servant of our Lord. But, I have my struggles in life and have had challenges with my children and husband that most people could have never handled. I just misinterpreted how you talked to me on the phone as coming across as you not wanting any new members with problems or who struggle with their testimonies. I felt like it was some kind of worthiness interview as to whether I could get any support or help. I believe in unconditional Christ-like love and what the Book of Mormon teaches in Mosiah 4-16-19. I hope we can actually become good friends.
Sincerely,
Great letter. I say wait until he gets it and has a chance to read it – and see if anything changes. If not, all I can do is sigh.
Thanks Ray. I have never been in this kind of situation with a bishop before and I do try to resolve problems with people. The tone in his voice today was the most upsetting to me. There has never been an ounce of empathy or understanding I have felt on his part; only a shape up or ship out message. But, I will wait and see. I echo Ray’s response! Great letter! I hope this Bishop realizes he owes you a big apology once he reads it!
bridget_night, you are an amazing woman! Wow. Thanks all, Turning off my computer now, as we are loading the Uhaul today. Should be back online around the 10th or 11th. Love, Bridget Hi Everyone, I am barely alive, but survived moving!
Just an update with this Bishop and what has happened since I got to Florida. Bishop Webb did show up at my home the morning of Friday, April 9th with his 11 year old daughter. We had just arrived at our new house with the 26 foot Uhaul, two cars, and an RV all packed to the brim. He had finally gotten my letter and he looked like he was eating some humble pie. He was falling all over himself to be helpful. He said he had members and missionaries available to help us unload the truck any time that day. I was very nice but told him that we had already arranged for help to come (I did not mention that was because he had been so conditional in his wanting to help us). He wrote down his cell number again for me and said that if we ended up needing more help or if our help did not show up to call him. So, that was good. He met my husband, who was pretty ticked off at him still but he was polite. My husband said it was smart to bring his 11 year old daughter, because then he is was not likely to give him a piece of his mind right there on the spot.
That afternoon, 8 strong young men showed up from the Port Orange, Florida Christian church to help us unload the Uhaul. They were some of the nicest people we had ever met with such cheerful, caring attitudes. I bought pizza and soda for everyone and we had such a good time getting to know one another. My husband and lds friend who helped us drive the Uhaul from Davenport Iowa, did go to the lds sacrament meeting Sunday, April 11, at 9 am. My husband wanted to talk to this bishop and let him know that his way of welcoming new move in’s and talking to people by phone was not appropriate or Christlike. Unfortunately, the bishop was out of town, and my was not able to have that discussion. I was so exhausted from unpacking and did not go, but asked how sacrament meeting was when they got back. They said, “Oh you know…it was a typical lds meeting.” I said, “Oh, you mean boring?’ They laughed and said one of the testimonies was actually good. It was by a lds soldier that came to Christ through evangelical church meetings in Iran.
Later that morning we all went to the Port Orange Christian Church for their worship service. Wow, what a difference. They had special parking for first time visitors, right up front. So many people greeted us (including the 8 men that helped us unload the truck and the 10 women I had breakfast with from their church the morning before). They gave us a mug and pen with the church logo and big hugs. Then we sat through one of the most spiritual worship meetings. It is a small church with about 250 members. There was a small live band and singers with music leaders. Everyone sang with such love in their hearts for Jesus. We all turned and greeted each other and then the young 30 year old Pastor gave a wonderful sermon. He has a great sense of humor and talked about how the little things make a big difference in people’s lives. My husband said he had not enjoyed a church service this much in years and really liked this church. My lds friend who was with us, was in tears and so was I. It felt really great to feel the spirit so strong. There was an immerson baptism of a young 8 year old girl and grape juice and bread were passed out to everyone for a sacrament.
We will not close any doors or jump into anything else right now but we will see where this leads us. I am sure the new bishop and some lds members will eventually contact me. My husband had to drive back to Iowa with our friend and won’t get back here for a month or two as he needs to tie up loose ends at work and sell our home there. I will be polite and courteous if anyone from the lds church visits or calls. I hope the bishop will apologize to us in time. I hope he will learn a lesson from this experience that will help him in the future with others. I see everyone as God’s children and we are to help each other learn in life. In the mean time, we will probably attend this Port Orange Christian church and see how that goes. I will continue to keep you posted.
Quote:I hope the bishop will apologize to us in time. I hope he will learn a lesson from this experience that will help him in the future with others.
I hope that is reciprocal, MWallace. Please consider that.
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