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So I am a BYU student who really doesn’t enjoy going there at all. I’ve tried transferring to other schools but unfortunately I am so far along in my coursework that this would extend my education by 2 years or more. I have 2 semesters left in my Chemistry degree (these credits do not transfer easily at all). I should’ve transferred years ago but I’m on scholarship and had pressure from my parents to stay. Anyway, I took this semester off and have been living in Wyoming since May working for a concrete company. I love it here and have really grown as an individual. I haven’t been active (but have been active in the gospel) and haven’t associated with members very much either. I think this is part of the reason I have grown. I dread going back to BYU. In the past I’ve had nightmares about being trapped there.
So I need to suck it up and finish but students at BYU are so dang judgmental (if you don’t believe me read this recent post
http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/74099/http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/74099/” class=”bbcode_url”> Two semesters is not that long in the landscape of life, although it probably seems really long now. My advice? Embrace the unorthodox people there, the non-members, use the internet to stay connected with your own views of the world. And focus on your studies. Do well, and then close that chapter of your life. The good news is that you aren’t in the same position as a man with a mortgage, a TBM spouse (I assume) and your whole status in the community tied to your service and belief in the church. This is only a short period.
Keep your unorthodoxy to yourself. And work at deciding what YOU really believe about all the things you hear at church. Look for those people who are the targets of judgmentalism and and then make them feel at home….
SilentDawning wrote:Two semesters is not that long in the landscape of life, although it probably seems really long now.
My advice? Embrace the unorthodox people there, the non-members, use the internet to stay connected with your own views of the world. And focus on your studies. Do well, and then close that chapter of your life. The good news is that you aren’t in the same position as a man with a mortgage, a TBM spouse (I assume) and your whole status in the community tied to your service and belief in the church. This is only a short period.
Keep your unorthodoxy to yourself. And work at deciding what YOU really believe about all the things you hear at church. Look for those people who are the targets of judgmentalism and and then make them feel at home….
I couldn’t have said it better than SD. Suck it up, finish, and move on. I do have some empathy for your situation, my daughter, a recent BYU grad, also struggled with conformity while there. Finding the other non-conformists doesn’t seem to be an easy task. Don’t participate in activities (like ward prayer) you don’t want to because you feel like you’re supposed to, and live off campus (which I assume you would anyway). There are other things to do in Provo beside church activities (there really are) and the new train to SLC is relatively cheap and opens up even more avenues. Good luck!
Hey Raygun, I understand your feelings about BYU. From a long-term perspective, if you only have two semesters left, I say finish the degree. Having a degree will open up a lot of opportunities for you–and on the other hand, not having one closes down too many opportunities. Transferring is tough business–it’s expensive and adds extra time to your degree.You can make it through two semesters.
I went to the U, so I don’t have much practical advice about how to navigate the climate in the time you have left. Others might. You’re sooooo close to finishing. You
cando it. If you need advice every single day in order to make it through, we are here! 🙂 (BTW, I’m a college professor, so I see struggling undergrads every day. You can do it! Don’t give up, even though it’s BYU
tt
Finish. You’ll regret it if you allow the church to interfere with your goals and education.
Once you get your degree, you will have much more freedom and agency to make a decision on your faith journey.
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My son is there now, and I’ll give you some of the advice I gave him as a BYU grad who also struggled with the stifling and judgmental culture there. Repeat in your mind the phrase “I cannot win. I cannot win. I cannot win.” The other bit of advice I gave him was to join the BYU Democrats. Even if you are not a democrat, they are a minority group there, so they are less judgmental and I found them to be very welcoming and just cool people. (And I am not a democrat, although my son is.) Lastly, I found that the further I got in my major the less people were buggy. At least within my own major. I have worked in higher education for the past four years. Finish your degree.Period. Ten years from now, you will be glad you did, and you will regret it for the entire ten years if you don’t. I like the advice to join the BYU Democrats, no matter what your political beliefs are. Any other small or minority club also would work.
My oldest daughter wasn’t a BYU student, but she lived in an apartment complex in Provo near the mega-church, and most of her friends were BYU students. She is out-spoken, uninhibited, heterodox and a Socialist – and while she didn’t like the prevailing culture, she also was confident enough in her own beliefs to say what she thought and let the chips fall wherever they would. (Like when a young man was complaining in a group setting about something, and she told him to “grow a pair”. She said the shock on his face was priceless.
Raygun – I really can’t add to what everyone else has said. Only totally support it. It’s a scholastic degree. Own it. Love it. Approach the university as an anthropology experiment. Study people. Learn what makes them tick. Also, like everyone said, join groups or find people who aren’t on the map of culture. The Student Review is one, there is a club for gay members, etc. Lastly, have you tried the Hundred Hour board. It’s a trivia question board, however, the moderators vary greatly in their orthodoxy and orthropraxy. Read through it a bit, post that you are looking for connections on a less traditional realm, I think you may find a niche group in it.
Last of all, keep some sense of inspiration with you, a poem, a talk, a hero. Here’s one to start you off
http://holyjoe.org/poetry/anon3.htm The only thing I can think to add is to start looking forward to your next step. Are you planning to work for awhile, go to grad school, etc.? Living in the present and savoring it is the ideal, but sometimes we’re in a bind and need a mental escape hatch. Good luck. Sounds like you’ve already been doing very well. I think it’s important to remember to let some of the culture driven guilt (ward prayer, devotional,fire sides, ect) just slide off you back. There is immense pressure to participate in everything, and it can drive anyone crazy, even those who loved BYU and its culture. Also, I would echo the current advice to stay silent on some things. Better to feel slightly isolated for a couple of semesters and walk away with a degree than to express your thought and risk getting kicked out with nothing to show for it. Find a few kindred spirits and hang in there! One other thing to consider is where you live. My son is living where I did when I was there, in a complex that is about half UVU / half BYU. It’s not such a zoobie culture. The ward is YSA not BYU and meets at UVU campus. But it’d BYU approved housing. Hang around the HFAC. Get to know all the artists and pseudo-bohemians. I did, my junior year, and it saved me. Good luck. But, although I am glad to have been at BYU and learned what I did, some of the best parts of my education came from extracurricular activities, like cleaning the Wilk at night and playing in a rock band. Sometimes I wish I had either dropped out or taken a year off until I had made up my mind more clearly just what I wanted to do.
There are growing movements to help people realize how much they could do with their lives even if they don’t get a college degree. A guy named Blake Boles wrote a book called
Better Than College( http://www.better-than-college.com/http://www.better-than-college.com/” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.ztcollege.com/http://www.ztcollege.com/” class=”bbcode_url”> Deschooling Society, which some kind soul has put online in PDF form: http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/DESCHOOLING.pdf ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/DESCHOOLING.pdf I definitely think I got a better deal at BYU than at one of the stuffed-shirt ivy league rackets, but a peaceful future is to be found in lower-cost sharing of knowledge among people of all ages, not just 20-somethings with their lives on hold; and wider training in the trades.
hawkgrrrl wrote:One other thing to consider is where you live. My son is living where I did when I was there, in a complex that is about half UVU / half BYU. It’s not such a zoobie culture. The ward is YSA not BYU and meets at UVU campus. But it’d BYU approved housing.
I certainly agree that living in “approved housing” is better than living in campus housing to assuage some of the culture. There are UVU and other students (like cosmetology) in those complexes as well. I just wanted to point out that a couple years back they eliminated BYU wards – they call them all YSA wards & stakes now, even for on campus housing. In fact, even though my daughter has graduated and has a real professional job, she still lives in Provo (not in approved housing, but very nice nonetheless) and unfortunately for her is still in a YSA ward that includes some BYU students.
I love the way Americans treat the Democrats as a radical movement! Live off campus; only go to campus for classes; study at home or a public library; go to a non-BYU ward; make friends up in SLC and go up there often; don’t go to devotionals or ward prayers on campus. In short, root as much of your life off campus as possible.
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