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It has been more then 20 years since I last attended church except for the funerals of my parents. I’ve been thinking about coming back to church for a couple of years now and it just feels kind of awkward. I have never attended the ward where I have lived for the past 10 years and when I moved here I had asked for no contact. I did let the missionaries in at one point and agreed for them to came back. They brought my home teacher with them, but he never did come back or contact me again. I’m not holding that against anyone. I know that home teaching can be hit and miss.
So, I am wondering what to do now. I only know 3 or 4 people from the ward. They are very casual acquaintances from my previous work place. Should I talk to the bishop? call the missionaries? just show up for church some Sunday? Should I take the Sacrament?
I’m a little leery of talking with the bishop at least for now due to my less orthodox ideas and beliefs.
I’m sure that I am making far too big a deal of this and probably should just go to Sacrament Meeting and see what happens.
So does anyone want to share experiences they may have had with returning to church after a long period away?
I think it is great you are looking to reach out. If the 3 or 4 people you know are people you could talk to, I would approach them and ask if they will be in church on Sunday and if you can sit with them, have them show you where classes are, and ask if they can introduce you to the relief society president. I would start by working through the RS President before reaching out to the bishop, but you can’t go wrong.
Having missionaries come teach you in your home is an excellent idea to be able to brush up on stuff and ask questions. I am guessing they would love to have lessons with you.
I think it is pretty normal to have these questions and asking for input from some of us is a great way to check how you are feeling.
This is your journey and there is no wrong way to approach it. Just keep yourself open to learning and careful not to run faster than you have strength, as they say. There are good things ahead!
I was away for 10 years but my family (wife/children) still attended. I did meet with the bishop before I returned but that’s not necessarily the right thing for everyone. Do what you feel comfortable with. Not knowing people in the ward, just showing up might be the right thing – but only if you don’t have some expectation of being welcomed with open arms and instantly loved by everybody because that might not happen. And taking the missionary discussions might not be a bad thing – sort of a refresher course and you’d have someone to sit with and introduce you. I’d say, just show up to church! There is often be a new face or two in every sacrament meeting; I doubt you’ll be treated any different than if you had just moved into the ward. As for the sacrament, it is a very personal decision. What does it mean to you? For me, it means aknowledging my mistakes and weaknesses, and my hope to become one with Christ. It’s a prayer for the atonement to enter into my life; to change me and make me a better person. The only reason I wouldn’t take it, is if there was something in my life, some sin, I wasn’t willing to lay on the alter for Christ. But in the end, it is all up to you.
Harriet Naomi wrote:…So, I am wondering what to do now. I only know 3 or 4 people from the ward. They are very casual acquaintances from my previous work place. Should I talk to the bishop? call the missionaries? just show up for church some Sunday? Should I take the Sacrament?
I’m a little leery of talking with the bishop at least for now due to my less orthodox ideas and beliefs.
I’m sure that I am making far too big a deal of this and probably should just go to Sacrament Meeting and see what happens.
So does anyone want to share experiences they may have had with returning to church after a long period away?
My only suggestion is: do what feels comfortable to you. When we came back, we were greeted by our HT first. Next came the members we knew from the
old days. All of them made us feel welcome. Alot is going to depend on the dynamics of the ward. Old, young, students, singles, etc.
Get involved on your own terms. Don’t let yourself feel pressure to do more than you’re comfortable with. I haven’t regretted coming back.
Let us know how it works out.
Wrt the sacrament, I’d listen to or read the wording of the prayer and use that to decide whether or not to take it. One of the key words in the prayer is being willingto take on Christ’s name and follow him. Harriet Naomi wrote:
Should I talk to the bishop? call the missionaries? just show up for church some Sunday? Should I take the Sacrament?
Hi, Harriet Naomi – I don’t have experience here, but I’m inclined to say, All of the above. And the R.S. Pres. I hope you find a comfortable way back. StayLDS is a great place to work through this, so please talk about how it’s going.Harriet Naomi wrote:Should I talk to the bishop?
That’s your choice. When I decided to return to our Ward, people already knew me, but I still contacted the Bishop via email and told him I was returning. I did set limits on what I was willing to do, and made it clear where I stood on the time I could commit to the Ward. The Bishop will be thinking about how “useful” you are to fill certain callings, in addition to caring about your spirituality and reintegration with the Ward.
One thing is for sure – DO NOT share your unorthodoxy with anyone. That will only limit or marginalize you in the Ward. If you are not sure how to answer certain questions about testimony, post a thread here so we can help you. There are ways of doing it that are truthful but do not raise red flags to the Bishop. Remember, he is both a counselor but also a judge. It’s a touchy combination that needs to be managed carefully.
Quote:call the missionaries?
The advantage of having the missionaries over is that you get trained in the orthodox views again. After 20 years, a refresher might be worth it. It will help you regain the perspective of the people you will be interacting with, in case you have forgotten. Further, this will increase the number of people you know at church. If the missionaries are good, they will also facilitate your development of relationships with members of the Ward. This could make it easier on you. Don’t expect that, however, in case the missionaries are inexperienced.
Quote:just show up for church some Sunday?
Yes! But have low expectations — don’t expect people to come out of the woodwork to greet you. Some people have returned and been disappointed that people go about their business like you aren’t there. It may take a few attendances before people start to notice you. Eventually, the BP or a member of the Bpric will approach you, or perhaps a leader. You need to have your elevator speech prepared to set the right tone for your return so you can integrate well with others.
Quote:Should I take the Sacrament?
Unless you feel there is some worthiness issue, then I would do it.
Good luck!
Wow, lots of great comments and support and lots to think about! I really like the idea of reaching out to the Relief Society President. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself.
I’m a pretty low key person, so it would be preferable to me if no fuss, or notice is made. Also, I’m not planning to make any statements or comments that would be concerning to the members or leadership.
i will keep you posted on how it goes. I’m leaning toward contacting the missionaries and asking them to give me a tour of the church building and they can give me the contact information for the RS Pres and Bishop. That should be a good next step, I think.
Sounds like a great approach! I think a good thing to remember is that the church is there to help you and your relationship with God. So, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have to look or talk like others in the ward that are there all the time.
I have found good people to associate with at church, not all, but some people that are good for me to get to know and talk with and ask questions and when ready, to serve others and help teach classes and do things that make me feel more spiritual.
But it is always a mixed bag. There are things that people talk about at church that are from their experiences, and I don’t agree with them. After I went through a divorce…it was a part of my journey to see if I wanted to go and hear people talk about families while I sat as a single father in the pews. There were times I needed a break from it, and times I needed to go and hear things that I should hear.
I find it OK to be a member who can go at my own pace, considering what others are telling me as their advice, but always at my own pace for my own benefit. A person can always take a break and come back to church whenever needed. The church is still there. It helps us practice our Christianity.
Meeting with the missionaries is a great way to study and pray and have personalized lessons for you.
Please keep us updated and share how you are feeling your closeness to God is going along your journey. God bless you.
Yep, that sounds like a great first step! The RS president is definitely a good idea. In our ward, we often have people show up who say they live in the boundaries just haven’t attended for a while (when asked to introduce themselves), so it’s not that unusual where I am. But you need to do what makes you feel comfortable. Generally, people are really happy to see you there, but some have their own burdens and just don’t notice others as much. I wouldn’t take it too personally.
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