Never thought I would be here!

[Anonymous]

Hello-

I am a 30 something young women leader that has been a mormon for my whole life. My later teen years were outside of Utah and I had some amazing non-LDS people in my life. I think that was the start of my “down-fall”. I didn’t understand how non-LDS people could be so amazingly happy in their life and marriages. I thought the gospel only brought that kind of happiness. I never went through crazy rebellious stage of life or anything like that. I was inactive during my early 20’s (after getting married). Once we had our first child we figured that we ought to get active and do the things we knew were supposed to do. Since then we have been active in church and held many callings. About a year ago now, I had a faith crisis. A lot of things kind of jumbled up at the same time and made me take a step back and think and thus made me research some things. So here I am now. This past year has been a spiritual awakening for me and has truly been one of the hardest years of my life. My husband doesn’t feel the same that I do and he is very worried about my eternal soul and is also worried that I won’t be with him for the eternities. I am being released from my calling (not just due to this) that I have been in for 6 years.

I think that other religions do have spiritual experiences and that we do not have the corner stone of God’s attention. I think there are good people all over and they don’t have to believe the way that I do to be happy and I think it is wrong for others to judge others based on their narrow minded beliefs (mormon or not).

I have had a really hard trying to figure out what to do since I live in Utah Valley and a very traditional small town. I know that if I “came out” and talked about this with the people here that I would be ostracized and I don’t want to do that to my children. I am very excited to see that I am not alone in all of this and that this forum seems to be a pretty good place to chat with others that have had similar experiences.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it can be really difficult and frustrating. It does get better if you can just have patience and keep working on your spirituality.

Keep feeding that delicate soul that’s all of us. Have happy times with your family, stop to smell the flowers, and stay with your preferred devotional reading. May I throw out some titles for your possible To Read list (assuming you are the reading type)?

[Anonymous]

Welcome Butters. If I was you, I would read the How To Stay In the Church article on the front page. It has a few suggestions on what to do in your situation, and also recognizes the kind of faith crises you’re feeling.

Here are some golden nuggets:

1. You’re right about not expressing your concerns and doubts publicly or semi-publicly, or to local leaders; it’s best to deal with them privately.

2. There ARE a lot of other good people out there, with good values and significant happiness. This is one thing that bothers people that have bought-into the “only true Church concept”.

3. You do have think about the impact doubting will have on your relationship, and the article talks about coping mechanisms for this challenge.

I hope your stay here is a rich experience and that you find ways of staying happy in the Church in spite of your faith crises. The good news is that you’ll hear much different perspectives on the gospel and staying active than you will get from traditional believers in your Ward, and your secret is safe with us!

[Anonymous]

Welcome, Welcome,

I don’t have much time now to respond but I just wanted to say hi and I look forward to hearing from you. Nice to see another woman aboard!! Sometimes I feel a little outnumbered.

[Anonymous]

One of the great things about StayLDS, is that the folks here don’t believe in the “black & white” “all right or all wrong” concept that is so prevalent in the church. Hopefully you will be able to weed through all the nonsense, and find the good within the LDS church.

I understand your frustration about the church. My biggest issues with the church are with cultural/traditional practices that we have made into commandments and doctrine. I am hanging in there – but just barely.

[Anonymous]

Butters, I have experienced the same thing as you, in that some people outside the church are such good people and as I’ve become friends with them, respect them and accept they have spiritual experiences that are real all the time. In fact, my good buddy outside the church is probably the most Christ-like person I have come to know, and I strive to follow his example. It has made me ponder about the church’s claims also, and I have come to accept the following:

1) I should not judge – that means I should not give LDS members more credit than is due, and I should not underestimate those of other religions, including Buddhists, Hindu, Muslim, atheists, or anyone. In realizing this, I feel I have understood better some of Jesus’ teachings. Not just tolerate or refrain from thinking bad things about others, but truly respecting them as much as I respect GA’s or other righteous people. I can accept that good is good, wherever it comes from and it actually makes more sense for a loving God to work with all His children than to think He only blesses Mormons.

2) The Church is a good place – for me, accepting point number one doesn’t mean I feel that proves the church is bad. I still get value from me and my family having faith in the church, serving in the church, and loving others in the church. It becomes more of an individual journey for me to define my faith rather than how I used to just accept the church as all truth and everyone else must someday learn what the church teaches. In my individual journey, which this forum has helped me, I still find more good in the church than anywhere else I have looked, and so I stay and I strive to believe, and I pray to God to help my unbelief.

3) I should be a doer of good – while working on my faith, it is still important for me to go about doing good. I teach my kids, I serve those that need it, now I do it because I want to not because I’m obligated to do so by a calling. I don’t want to go around arguing church doctrine with people and spread information that may not be uplifting to others, and so as others have alluded to, I keep many things to myself and don’t talk too openly. However, I am honest and I have found ways (after lots of practice) to talk about my unorthodox beliefs without trying to sound anti-Mormon, and I have found it is received well by many people at church that I respect. So don’t hide or bury your thoughts, but you may need to be judicious on what to share, when, and how.

I’m glad you have joined our forum. I look forward to reading your posts and learning from you! You are welcome here.

[Anonymous]

Welcome!

Not a whole lot to add to the other great suggestions so far. I would second the recommendation to read the “How to Stay …” article, and make use of the other resources in our Additional Support Resources

Just remember that you are not alone. There are tons of us out here in your same situation. There may very well be people even in your small town that you might be able to find, if you are patient and look for them. Feel free to use this forum to talk about the things in your heart, to ask questions, and to get suggestions in your new journey of exploration. We’ve been there, and are still doing that. We’re not going to flip out like other people might do.

Try to see this as positive. You are on a new spiritual journey. You have woken up to a new world, one that you are now in control of. I recommend also becoming familiar with our Dr. James Fowler “Stages of Faith” theory material. It really helps a lot of us understand why we are this way, and most importantly, why others in our life might no think the same way as us now.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all!

Tom- I am a reader so I will check into the list you gave me. I am currently reading Shaken Faith Syndrome by Michael Ash. It has a lot explanations to some of the “anti” stuff that is out there. It is a good read, but it doesn’t address everything.

It is so nice to see that others have had the same thoughts and experiences that I have had. I did read the “How to stay” article and that is why I figured this is the place for me. I really look forward to chatting with everyone on here and learning from your experiences.

[Anonymous]

Welcome Butters!

I really liked the first five chapters (or so) of Shaken Faith Syndrome. I think most members could gain a lot of perspective by digesting that and Rough Stone Rolling. The later chapters weren’t so persuasive to me, but I appreciate his effort.

I hope you feel at home here!

[Anonymous]

I want to welcome you too Butters. I too understand how you feel. It was never reading the anti-Mormon stuff that bothered me. It was studying the gospel deeply and learning the lds stuff that bothered me. Have you seen John Dehlins Utube on how why people leave the church and how to treat them? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZQJc5SxnVs I really liked it and sent it to my bishop, my brother, and hometeacher and previous bishops and never got any response back expect by one bishop and friend who liked it. Like the video says…its because we care so much that we are bothered. There is a huge sense of betrayal sometimes because you feel the church mis-represented it self. Lately, I often feel like those Catholics I taught on my mission in Austria. They really did not like or believe in the Catholic church or teachings anymore, but said they could never leave and had to have their last rights Catholic just in case it was true because they did not want to go to hell. Fear based. The fear that if I don’t reach the highest degree of the celestial kingdom I will loose my family and there will be no sex, or further children, godhood, and eternal increase. That should keep us in line.

[Anonymous]

Well said BN. I especially like your last paragraph.

[Anonymous]

That is so true, Bridget_Night. I don’t like the “fear card” being pulled all the time. If God is really so loving how is it that he would condemn me for the “misunderstandings” I have about the gospel. I have tried the promise about praying and seeing if I can get a response and never felt like I got a real affirmation of anything.

[Anonymous]

You will get so much support and caring here Butters. The last time I got an answer it came with happiness and peace and said, “Zion is within’ Meaning a church or people will not give you peace. It has to come from within and I pray you will recieve that. I do wonder why God does not answer very often though. Maybe he inspired this group so we could get alot of answers through each other.

[Anonymous]

I felt the same way for a long time Butters, about not getting an answer. Then I started to realize I was simply not getting the type of answer that I thought others were getting. Today I look at it as different people feel different things in different ways, and that is to be expected. Some people may misinterpret some of their emotions as spiritual manifestations, I think that is obvious. What I really need to be concerned about is how I personally experience spiritual things, and build on that.

Today I see most answers as simple, and obvious, and also wonderful. I rarely feel the need to “formally” pray personally, because I see so much of my daily ponderings as a form of prayer. When I read scripture I recognize the spiritual benefit immediately. To me that is the answer. I don’t concern myself about historicity or literalness, those things have no bearing on the spiritual value or the ways that I can apply the positive lessons to my personal life.

I kind of look at it like all paths lead to truth if you follow them far enough. God is what is, and it’s our job to discover and realize that through all means that we can find. When we don’t find the answers that we’re looking for it simply means we need to keep looking, and probably in new places.

Best wished to you in your search Butters!

[Anonymous]

Orson wrote:

I kind of look at it like all paths lead to truth if you follow them far enough. God is what is, and it’s our job to discover and realize that through all means that we can find. When we don’t find the answers that we’re looking for it simply means we need to keep looking, and probably in new places.

I like this quote. Well said, Orson.

I think there are many ways to find truth in this life, and it is not always just getting the same correct answers everyone else got on the test, it is more complex and personal than that…more about “experience” than “correctness”.

As Dallin Oaks put it:

Quote:

This process requires far more than acquiring knowledge. It is not even enough for us to be convinced of the gospel; we must act and think so that we are converted by it. In contrast to the institutions of the world, which teach us to know something, the gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to become something.

Many Bible and modern scriptures speak of a final judgment at which all persons will be rewarded according to their deeds or works or the desires of their hearts. But other scriptures enlarge upon this by referring to our being judged by the condition we have achieved.

Because I believe this, I have found when I haven’t received affirmations, I need to look in new places…and I’ve found that very rewarding (Joseph Campbell’s Power of Myth really moved me, and many other reading material). I would never had experienced those things had I received an immediate answer to my prayers.

Butters, as you go to new places, or return to old places with a new point of view, consider what these experiences are helping you to become. We’re glad you’ve found this place. I enjoy reading your comments.

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