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In reply to Roadrunner’s post about an ‘I know’ testimony. I mentioned this in another thread but thought it would be relevant here. This is part of a recent talk from our stake president that reassured me we can share our beliefs with ‘I know’ statements: Quote:
Was Joseph a perfect man? I didn’t know him, but I have to presume he was not. But I firmly believe he was an inspired man. I appreciate the words he gave us through the Doctrine and Covenants. I am also inspired and guided by the simple gospel doctrine found in the Book of Mormon and consider the principles within it among the foundations of my testimony.I love and respect our church leaders for their wisdom and service. God guides his children through different ways and means, I believe their are many places to find truth throughout the world.
I don’t know everything, but I think that’s alright, and I think that’s quite natural.
This is what I believe. Jesus said, if we believe and have faith, we should feed his sheep and serve each other.
kristmace wrote:Had another good talk with the wife yesterday and we whittled it down to the fact that most of my concern stems from BOM. She wants me to read it (again), and it’s the last thing I want to read right now!
If your wife is like mine was in those early days, she is thinking that this is a rough spell related to your testimony, and that it will eventually work itself out and all will be right again. One thing that you might find helpful is to make it clear to her that you want to stay with her in the church and that you are seeking out the good and agreeable parts of it… that there are some things you don’t agree with, or believe in (though I would stay away from details), and then just cycle back to the good things. There is much good in the church… your seeking it, and building on it may help give her the comfort that you are not abandoning the things about you that she loves.
On Own Now wrote:kristmace wrote:Had another good talk with the wife yesterday and we whittled it down to the fact that most of my concern stems from BOM. She wants me to read it (again), and it’s the last thing I want to read right now!
If your wife is like mine was in those early days, she is thinking that this is a rough spell related to your testimony, and that it will eventually work itself out and all will be right again. One thing that you might find helpful is to make it clear to her that you want to stay with her in the church and that you are seeking out the good and agreeable parts of it… that there are some things you don’t agree with, or believe in (though I would stay away from details), and then just cycle back to the good things. There is much good in the church… your seeking it, and building on it may help give her the comfort that you are not abandoning the things about you that she loves.
Thank you for that.
I’m sure she does see it as just a rough patch, but I think I’ve expressed myself in a way that she realises that I’ve been in a quiet rough patch for years, and it’s only now that I feel strong enough to be honest about what I feel and think.
It took me about 18 years of marriage before I was able to tell my wife I was not a believer, and in fact, had not believed for many, many years. I’d just been silently suffering and more or less living a lie. She said, “I already know that. But I’m glad we can finally talk about it.” And that’s made all the difference ever since. So in a crucial respect you’re working through this 18 years faster than I did. This may be a challenge for you guys as a couple right now, but many of us find to our surprise that in our marriages, our differences in faith is not the fatal issue we fear it will be. Mrs. Sam (progressive but TBM) and myself (struggling middle wayer) fight more about who has to take out the garbage than anything related to church. In fact, the church is never a source a friction, even when I just can’t bring myself to go and she has to cover my church class. We may not be typical, but just sayin’. Sam, that sounds like a great relationship. I’m sure a lot of people would be very envious. My issue at the moment is that I can’t see a quick fix to my issues as there aren’t clear answers. It’s going to be something I canstantly struggle with it seems.
I’m new myself, but my sense is you’ll find much support here, though probably few quick fixes or clear answers. Though I also expect, like most of us, you may transcend the need for clear answers, and find out that simply embracing the intractable complexity and mystery of life is a big part of the fix. And I personally prefer the sense of wonder and openness to possibility I now enjoy over my old certitudes. As hard as it’s been, I’d never go back. But that transition can be very challenging to ourselves and others. Even coming out the other side of it a better and happier person can present a challenge to others, since it threatens their own certitudes and paradigms. However much we’re suffering, and need the understanding of others, this demands of us much charity and patience. I’ve wrestled with ideas, wrestled mightily, don’t get me wrong. But you’ll push through that. I don’t think it will be the constant struggle you imagine. Many of us find rather that negotiating our personal and church relationships is the real and persistent challenge. But you’ll find reserves of charity you didn’t know you had, and seeing that, others will reciprocate. And when that fails and you’re pulling your hair out, well, you have us to commiserate with.
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